You left dream shits off the poll. Not cool dude, not cool.

I picked bowling ball shits. Some times those actually scare me. I feel real, honest fear that I may injure myself.

The ones that burn your ass crack a b-hole like sulfuric acid

I'm usually far removed from this ugly reality... after the first or second cup of coffee its TIME, and is usually handle in 2-3 minutes tops and thats it for my day... over early, forget you're a filthy animal the rest of the day, its pretty cool..

But occasionally, if I've been drinking or gorging myself on foods and otherwise getting myself out of rhythm... forget it, I find myself trying to be Korean on an American toilet.

Whatever it take to wrap this crap UP.

Coital.....

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tubgirl mode is the worst.
or best, depending on your perspective.

Incomplete evacuations are the worst for me. Your ass is dirty and you don't even get that feeling of satisfaction. It's the cruelest shit of all.

My stepdad always smelled like poop and now I have a complex of smelling like poo. Thank god I've had women in my life to assure me I don't smell like kaw kaw.

When you were kids did your mom ever lay naked on a couch with a red can of aqua-net on her woo woo? She said she would do it because her lips were swollen from the hives,

These here.

What is the Worst Kind of Shit?
 

While we're on the subject, I had a small bout of what I'm guessing was diarrhea a couple months ago.

I'd get this legitimate heat wave feeling in my intestines followed immediately by an intense urge to shit what usually ended up being a liquid-y almond butter looking concoction.

Luckily I only dealt with that for a couple days but that fiery feeling in the gut was unmistakeable. That's the nearest I've gotten to a burning sensation going number 2 though.

My stomach must be a ****ing battle tested warrior because my pooping habits or what have you don't change much at all depending on what I eat.

This

breakers. hate those bastards. nothing like wiping your ass for hours on end afterwards.