Suicide
 

I found out today that a good friend of mine from high school committed suicide last night. This has never happened to someone I knew closely.

I'm not sure how to process the emotions I'm feeling.

I've lost friends to suicide and to OD. You don't ever really understand it unfortunately.

Condolences.

I have dealt with Suicide, OD and Murder myself several times. It's a horrible thing to deal with man, thoughts and prayers buddy.

Sorry to hear. I'm in a similar boat. A friend I'd worked with for a couple of years killed himself a couple of weeks ago. He was 24.

This year has been really tough on all of us.

Check on your people, make sure they're ok.

Every emotion you're feeling is legitimate and okay. You just gotta go through it. Anger, sadness, all of it.

I feel so badly for these people. Imagine how hopeless and depressed they must feel. A lot of people mistakenly assume that people who commit suicide are selfish.

It’s the exact opposite. They have such low self esteem that they often believe the world will be a better place without them.

Had a buddy who recently committed suicide. And I have one more friend who is going through a really rough patch and I’m concerned he will end up that way as well.

i almost killed myself back in 2005. gun was loaded and everything. it’s the worst feeling i’ve ever felt and don’t wish it upon anyone. looking back on it i can’t believe i ever got that depressed. lucky my parents knew something was wrong and caught me before i could do it.

Sorry, TLO. Terrible to hear.

First thing to try to grasp is its not possible to make sense of something that doesn't make sense no matter how you look at it.

Its a very unnatural thing caused by illness and illness alone.

that sucks

did they leave you anything?

A buddy from high school had his brother commit suicide when we were about 20. He always seemed like he was mad at life. Didn't ever seem happy. Probably should have saw it coming. I'm sure he had undiagnosed depression.

My mom is bipolar and has had bouts with depression. Luckily I did not get passed on the gene. I couldn't ever imagine killing myself. I'd rather be a bum drinking mouthwash than kill myself. It really is a sickness.

I'm afraid we'll all know someone like this soon. Just depends on your state whether you are locked down.

Horrible. I’m sorry to hear this for you

After unfortunately going through this many times, it never gets easier. It never becomes easy to understand, or easy to process. It flat out sucks, hurts, makes you angry, makes you question if you could have done something to help.


Best advice I can give is, try to think of the fun times. Cliche and quite possibly stupid. It has helped me so maybe it will help you out.

Was hoping this was a Nick Keizer thread

j/k sorry for your loss, man

I've had friends die in car accidents.
I've had a family member OD.

This just feels... different. I can't fully process the emotions. Mostly I just feel numb.

He didn't happen to have two teenage sons did he?

No.

The thing is that you, as someone who would never do that, will never understand the thought process that went into the decision.

It's not a very helpful answer for what you're going through but like Mac459 said, it's best to focus on the good times and the memories.

Just checking, thought we may know the same person. An acquaintance of mine offed himself yesterday as well. Sorry for your loss.

Not that hard to understand in cases of older people, over 40 etc.
Can't know about everyone but in most cases, they're just finally sick of all the bullshit. Having to work to live, never getting above debt.. you're single and older. You materialistically will never have enough to have a relationship. Either age or health will keep you from getting a living wage job, no matter how hard you try to find one. At a certain point it simply becomes a moralistic business decision.
What's the point of living if every day is the same struggle till you eventually die anyway?

I have had 3 friends who have committed suicide. All were lawyers and 2 had pretty substantial alcohol problems, which undoubtedly fed into this. I have had 2 clients facing lengthy sentences who have committed suicide.

All I can say is that suicide leaves a 'hole,' for lack of a better word, for those who remain that is not there when someone dies of cancer. There will always be questions: Should I have seen this? What could I have done differently? Could I have stopped this? Even if there's nothing you could have seen or done, you will always have questions.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

My daughter (adult) died April 18, 2020 under unknown illness/OD and they won't know the answer for a while because COVID has labs tied up in upstate NY. April 18 is my birthday, and having my ex-wife call me really surprised me as we divorced over 20 years prior. She told me that they found her dead on the couch. We named her April because she, my ex and I were all born in April.

She did have some medical conditions that seemed to be more of a nuisance the way she kept them to herself. Maybe it all built up. It is a relief that she is out of pain. I don't really care what the lab results are, if you believe we create our own reality, then all deaths are suicide on some level.

I did go to therapy for a couple of months which helped me greatly. We'll see this coming April how my birthday goes (and every one after that). I doubt I will remember it for anything other than April. Hell of a kid.

Sorry to hear that. Stuff like that is never easy.

This person was 31

Wow, sorry to hear about that as well. :huh:

Yes. Like I said, not true in all cases of course.
31 is still an adult who deals with pressure.
But at 31 there should still be an amount of hope there.
So depression might be pretty severe for what ever reasons at that age.

Can this thread be stickied mods ?


OMG I'm sorry to hear that I lost a friend a couple years ago and he left behind 4 daughters I'm still shook up about it he was a single dad trying to make it.



I'm here for you brother pm me if you want to vent or anything I understand.

You have lots of friends here TLO and lots of people care and same with the others in this thread that have had to deal with things like this.



Even for me with my attempts the thoughts get so powerful or overwhelming at times there is no hope and when hope is lost that is the end for a lot of people. Always have hope in life.

I've battled with depression my whole life. I've never come close to actually killing myself. Has it crossed my mind? Yes. Did I ever feel like I was remotely close to acting on it? No.

I can't imagine what makes a person go to that level.

I appreciate that. It's primarily why I started the thread in the first place. Unfortunately, I knew there would be others that have gone through what I'm going through now.

Had he read any DeBerg threads?

You just process things differently at this point. You still think there's a reason to go on. For some people, it changes.
At some point, you realize any so called goal you had.. you're the one who dangled your own carrot or gold ring to reach for.
Then you realize you can't get it. Or you did get it and life is still the same circle of repetition. Nothing to look forward to..so then what's the point of it all?
Some people can keep trying no matter how much they fail. Some just get sick of trying because they are sick of failing.
Is either really a better or bad option? What's the difference?

Sorry brother. I know what you are feeling.

My best friend from college whom I was very close for a decade after school killed himself 9 years ago.

My wife’s sister killed herself 6 years ago.

Paul felt he was in a helpless situation. 32. Divorce mixed with being hooked on pain killers led him to swallowing the barrel of a 12 gauge. He left behind 2 sons. The boys are doing well.

My SIL hung herself. 30. She was a druggie, meth mostly. She left behind a son and daughter. Both are headed down a bad road.

Whatever you feel is fine. I’ve been sad, angry, happy. Sometimes within seconds of each other.

I lost a dear friend from college about six months after graduation in 1981. Hung himself in his parents attic. About three years ago I lost one of my very best friends. Gassed himself with a running car in a closed garage. The friend from college was diagnosed with a Bi-Polar issue. My friend recently had a bunch of health issues and I'm pretty sure was suffering from depression and alcoholism. Both hit me very hard. I don't joke about it any longer. It's all too real to me now.

Damn hard to ever get your head around....been there, still dont get it.

Be well.

Honestly, getting insensitive idiots to stop using the phrase "kill yourself" would be an outstanding goal.

To be fair though, there are a lot of people here (especially in DC) who should kill themselves.

Can't stop. Won't stop. Deal with it.

I don't think me telling opposing fans to Kill themselves because they think their QB is better than Mahomes is ever going to push anyone over the edge.

Kill yourself.

Thank you. I didn't mean to make the post about me (and April), I meant to give my example to say that I did find therapy very helpful, and that TLO may want to consider using it if he even gets a hint of needing it.

Sometimes there is a negative impression of men (particularly) using therapy. Stresses can build up all around you under your radar, then rise up like a tidal wave. Many of our vets/first responders are familiar with that.

Sorry to hear...

Nothing wrong with getting help wherever you can.

The B-52's is a cure for the blues

Shut the **** up

Lost my son almost 10 years ago to suicide. Worst feeling you can ever have. Never gets better, you just learn to live with the pain and put on a mask to hide it from the world. People cAn say they’re in a better place now, but **** that. The best place is here with me. My son was 11 days from his 17th birthday. Still cry about it when the feelings surface and I can’t make them go back. Sorry for your loss bro. If you need someone to talk to I’m here for you. Can’t tell you how to make the bad feelings go away, but I can tell you if I made it through that, I think anyone can. Bless Up TLO.

Here’s a video I made for my son if you’re interested.

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Hey!

Man, I just......I'm sorry.

I lost a couple of friends in my early 20's to suicide. The first was my sophomore year in college and while I was close with him, I had only known him a few years. My emotions were pissed off that he would be a coward and do this to himself, take the easy way out. I refused to go to his funeral. He didn't deserve my condolences or respect. Two years later, one of my best friends, who was a few years younger than me, and who I knew since we were toddlers, and followed me to my same college and lived across the hall from me and my roommate that all went to the same HS. I knew this kid well and loved him like a brother... He killed himself the year after I graduated college and he was still in school. It hurt like hell and made me change my attitude. I knew this kid and knew it wasn't in his nature to quit,I found out he was diagnosed bi-polar and the pain he must have felt was so bad he still left his friends and families devastated, which he would never have wanted, as he loved them all greatly. I look back now and realize I was a coward for not understanding it when my other friend died and I how poorly I handled that situation. I am not mad at either one, I know the pain was horrible and don't pretend to fully understand it, but I don't blame them. These took place nearly 30 years ago, and I have shared my story with several other folks who have experienced a tragic suicide who are angry, disappointed or just in disbelief. I don't blame them, I loved them, and I fondly remember the good memories of the time we spent together. You are in my thoughts.

Deeply sorry. I know it doesn't seem real yet to you. I lost my best childhood friend in 2009. He was a cop and was murdered on duty. It's still rough. We all go and most of the time .... the circumstances appear wrong and unimaginable. Hope it gets better.

Kill yourself bundle of sticks

As a person who survived a suicide attempt, I know that all the pain that led up to the decision to end my life, suddenly stopped once I made the decision that decision. I experienced the most calm, peaceful feeling the entire day leading up to it.

Before I actually made that decision, when contemplating whether or not to do it, I always worried the most about all the people that I would hurt if I did commit suicide. Those people are the real victims of a suicide.

Unfortunately, depression plays with your mind, and soon you convince yourself that no one will actually care that you are gone, and with that the last obstacle is gone.

To people hurt by suicide, I would say that it is not your fault. Don't blame yourself for not seeing "the signs" or not knowing that your friend was suffering. The proverbial cry for help that we see so many times in movies or television isn't always an actual thing. I would say that as horrible as it may sound, your friend is no longer suffering, and while you are experiencing the pain of loss, your friend experienced worse for a long time.

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Just a friendly reminder that there is a rule about being a douchebag in a thread like this.

Candyman has been removed from the thread for adding a DC element to his douchiness and I will remove anyone else who continues with posts like the ones below.

This thread is really sad. My heart goes out to all of you who have experienced this sort of loss. My prayers go out to all who suffer from depression. Awful stuff. Some of your stories are just gut-wrenching. :(

I'm sorry.... I lost a friend that I had known since 1st grade on Sept. 1st

There is going to be a dickton more unless people can handle grief plus the flu that is whay depression for me feels like. My dog dying plus the flu. It is terrible.

I can only offer prayer.
This has become quite a problem in the country.
COVID scare...lock down...Kids can't go to school.
sorry about you losing a friend

Noted. It wasn’t designated as a prayers thread so thanks for letting me know.

sorry to hear it TLO.

Man I don't think I can watch this but I will sometime but even though I've attempted myself the worse was when I found my daughter unconcious and I called 911 but I knew something was up with her from her behavior and I had the cops come over to talk to her and was hoping they would take her but she told them she didn't have a plan but the plan was she already overdosed. The hospital saved her life but if I wasn't there to make the call. i don't want to think about it.

Prayers for you man.

Prayers to you too my brother!!

How is she doing?

Hey jallmon and Coochie I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about your kids. There aren't words. I have a daughter who attempted with pills and was on a vent for 3 days. She was overwhelmed by life at the time and made a rash decision. Seeing her in that condition was indescribable. You guys are brave and are to be commeneded for keeping on for the others in your lives.

There are anti-natalists who won't bring a child into the world for fear of them experiencing this kind of suffering. They aren't crazy or depressed, but have weighed the pros and risks and made for them what is a rational choice. Personally, I can find exhilaration simply by drawing my next breath, but I sympathize with their position. We are all products of our brain chemistry and environment after all, none of which we chose. No judgment.

TLO, condolences and thanks for posting. Hang in brother.

Thank you and GOD SPEED brother




Man I couldn't be more happy with her actually both my daughters are doing great and my son too. My other daughter the oldest has been clean for like 6 years off of meth probably worst thing to get hooked on but by the grace of God she has really pulled herself together and my daughter is also doing well working and living her life. She was in an abusive relationship i still want to kill the guy if I ever find him but at the time she needed me out of jail so I could father her know what I mean? But because of him she tried to end her life and I still want to kill him but I don't want my kids visiting me in jail.

She went through the worst ordeal imaginable with him I can go into rage thinking about him hurting my daughter :mad: That's why it was so hard for me to accept Tyreek Hill for the longest time but now I believe he is a good guy and dad.

This thread is getting emotional for me I'll check back later

That's wonderful news!

I had a former employee of mine commit suicide 14 years after he quit working for me and it hit me really hard. I wish to this day that he would have called me so I could have talked him out of it.

I can really brag about my daughters for what they've been through and pulled themselves out of not everyone survives but thankfully they are an inspiration to others and are willing to talk to anyone what they've been through. They are my inspiration. My son too but he hasn't gone through those things Thank God but I don't want him making mistakes I've made in life but so far so good with him. I appreciate the support I've had over the years on Chiefs Planet I think i've talked about some things like when I got custody of my daughter in 2009 this place is such a supportive family when it pertains to real life issues we all go through. Chiefs Planet may have saved my life as well when I'm struggling with those thoughts that don't go away and I get suicide ideology I've had that diagnosed before. So it's something I live with but i've had scary moments even this year but threads like this put things in perspective for my loved ones I don't want them missing me like TLO misses his friend. Not easy to live dying maybe easy way out but sometimes the pain is so unbearable that we think it's the only solution.

Keep your chin up, Ras.

Every one tells people to talk if you think about suicide nut then it is 2 weeks in thr psyche ward with a 24 grand debt. Now you are depressed and in debt

That's awesome, man.

How intrusive are they allowed? No one has never thought about it and some point.

Sorry to all you guys affected by suicide.

This thread makes my heart hurt.

My mind is the only part of my shit body that hasn't failed me. I can't imagine what that would be like.

Brohugs :grouphug:

yeah that's one of my triggers is after back surgery they came after me wanting to garnish my checks and it's like Holy **** do you just want to reposes my back and reverse the surgery?

I got taken by an ambulance but my blood pressure was through the roof and I was a danger to myself and others. If you have a plan and the means to kill yourself I think they can grab you. All I know is I am sick and tired of talking about suicide prevention then when you talk about it you get people saying "Cheer up bucko!" The reality is that depression is terrible and people are going to kill themselves. It doesn't get better for anyone. Even today it was awful for me and I struggle to put on a happy face. If I don't put on a happy face people think I am not doing good and I may be taken back to the psyche ward. It has taken years and thousands of dollars and going through med changes after med changes to get me to the point I don't think about killing myself daily. Also what chaps my ass is when people say "DON'T TALK ABOUT SUICIDE TO YOUR MOM OR DAD IT SCARES THEM!" I mean I am the one in so much pain I want to kill myself sorry if it scares people it should scare them.

Antidepressants to keep you from killing yourself side affect "may cause suicide" . Irony at it's finest.


I'm pretty much in the same boat you are in i think. I didn't want to go because I knew it be a giant bill for me to pay. I wanted to jump out of the car the girl that was taking me was part of the reason I was having issues and she was lecturing me on the way there. I opened the door I don't know if i was going to jump but it shut her up.

I'm not too sure how I feel about the effectiveness of SSRIs. They are giving people medicine to help produce a chemical in your brain that they

1. Don't even know how much Serotonin is in your brain

2. Dont know how much Serotonin should even be there

So little is known about the human brain and why some people get depressed and some people don't. Hell there are people that have absolutely nothing and aren't depressed even slightly and then you have people like Robin Williams, who is beloved by millions and has all he could ever ask for, but he suffered for so long and finally ended his life.

We know that depression is something that can effect literally anybody, but we dont know why. I'm so sick of hearing how depression needs to be taken more seriously, but there doesn't seem to be much action taking place.

Could you imagine if we'd pour the amount of resources that have been given to stop Covid-19 into studying depression?

I will admit my knowledge is very basic when it comes to what has been done to research depression, but it seems like to me that until just very recently that most people thought that SSRIs were enough to treat depression, so it's been tossed on the back burner. Someone correct me if I'm wrong and I welcome any knowledge you may have.

My fiance suffered from Postpartum Depression after our 2nd kid. She had never had depression before that and had suicidal thoughts, but never acted on them or anything. She contacted her OB and they told her to go to the emergency room, so I took her. The way she was treated there was such a load of shit. She had to be escorted to a room by security, had all of her possessions locked up(phone, clothes, purse) and all they did was have her Tele health with a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist would decide if she got to leave.

They almost didn't let me stay, but we had a 3 month old that needed breast fed, so they reluctantly did. She wasn't allowed to leave her room and if the psychiatrist decided that she was a danger during a ****ing video conference they could have kept her their against her will. We sat in that room for 5 hours waiting for the psychiatrist to make the call and she talked to her for 15 min and said she could go and they set her up to see a psychiatrist. Then we sat another couple hours waiting for them to discharge her. I started calling the front desk every 5 minutes asking when we were gonna be let out because it was close to time to pick my kid up from school. I was livid over the whole experience, but kept my mouth shut because I didn't wanna piss someone off and then they decide that my fiance needed to stay.

She didn't even want to go because she had read horror stories about how mothers with PPD were treated like criminals because they were looking for help and wanted to get better. The lack of any type of comfort or sympathy was ****ing sickening. These stories are way to common and it's a deterrent for these women to get help.

Were about to have baby number 3 in as little as 3 weeks and it scares the shit out of me that she will get PPD again. I won't see her treated like that again. Hospitals are supposed to be sympathetic towards the people that they are caring for, but most of them have the same type of protocol for a mother with thoughts of suicide. She didn't have a plan or anything. Was not a danger to anyone or even herself and she told them that she was just having the thoughts and had no intentions of killing herself . She just wanted to not feel like our newborn was better off if she wasn't around. I ****ing hate hospitals.

Well that pretty much sickens me to hear that she was treated like that and in no way is that protocol and there is no excuse for her or women who suffer PD to be treated like that . makes me mad :mad:


Blessings and good thoughts your way for the new newborn and I pray she knows she is a wonderful mom and wife i'm sure because I can tell you love her and care for her. God blessings is the best I can say unless I can think of anything else.

I hate when people tell me that being happy is just a choice, and if I decided to be happy and cheerful I wouldn't be depressed anymore. People who have never battled depression really don't believe in it, even if they say they do, and talk about it like an informed person, deep down they don't believe it exists.

I know that in today's culture, it seems like everyone has accepted that depression and mental illness are real, and a real problem, but if so many people without mental illness really believed, there would be a much bigger sustained push to make mental health a priority, with taxpayer funded programs making access to mental health care possible for everyone who needed it. And there would be a bigger push to include adequate, important training for all law enforcement who, because of the lack of accessibility for mental health care, end up dealing with people in the public who suffer mental illness.

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Thanks man. Luckily I had 2 girls that needed me to make it through that all or I likely wouldn’t be here.

Sorry to hear. I lost a close friend last year from suicide. When I hear songs he used to love from bands we both liked I get sad. He left behind a wife and two daughters that we still talk to. It’s hard for sure, but the one thing I’ve stopped trying to figure out is why he did it. It’s mentally exhausting and I’ve learned to let it be. Look forward and know that it’s always okay to grieve loss. I wish you the best.