What is the Worst Kind of Shit?
 

Please support your response with relevant examples.

Blumpkin

For me...really hot foods.

They make me sit on the stool hoping I don't poop.

This thread.

Example A: This thread

Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

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The worst kind is when you have to shit you're 5 minutes away from home but traffic is slow as ****

The best kind: You running down the crack of your mother's ass.

This x100

The kind of shits you get when you have a stomach bug and still decide to play beer pong.

Both ends.

College was full of learning experiences.

But I'm here ain't I? Are you referencing the "best part of me"?

I do think you've been cheated.

2014 Kansas City Chiefs offseason.

The Tabasco enema shit.

The kind that feels like you're pissing brown stuff out of your ass crack. Then when you go for the whipe, it becomes impossible to get it clean. You give up eventually and have rot-ass the rest of the day that starts itching a couple hours later.

I hate the kind where it's like you're peeing out of your butt and after several trips wiping becomes like the prison scene in American History X.

Explosive water shits are fun every now and then.

There's nothing like your own ass imitating an elephant's trunk spraying.

I came in here to post this. You could wipe till your ass was raw and it still wouldn't be clean. The explosive hot poops are a close second in my book though.

Not a big fan of the bowling ball poops either... but at least it feels good once you finally cross that"OH MY GOD I'm GOING TO DIE" moment.

I like it when you get the peak over, then you know you've taken a good shit. If it's clean that's a bonus.

As for bad shit I can't stand it when I take a sewer dump. You need courtesy flushes for those.

Which one is the one where it comes out at molten lava temps?

Gastroenteritis. I got this last year and it is the worst shit. By 13 miles. It lasted 6 weeks in a time of year when I spent 18 hours a day in the sprayer. Most of the time along way from any working shitter.

Goddamn that sucked. It was basically diarrhea that felt like it was getting my guts put through a wood chipper every time. 8 or so times a day.

So yeah, I chose diarrhea on the poll.

The ones that the Chiefs lay in the playoffs.

Ah man, the peanut butter shits.

All of the wiping makes my ass dry and sore. :(

I believe this is Hamas' first poo thread.

This is a pretty darned big day.


http://i.imgur.com/ZlT0Nd3.gif

Peanut butters.. I HATE spending twice as long wiping as I did unloading the awful cargo.

HOW MUCH TP DO I HAVE TO USE AND WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END :mad:

The forever wiper.

I seem to have a different category entirely... Acidic shits that burn the sphincter with the fury of a handful of Suns and just kinda clings to the nether region.

Probably related to my mentally impaired diet but you know, YOLO.

You left dream shits off the poll. Not cool dude, not cool.

I picked bowling ball shits. Some times those actually scare me. I feel real, honest fear that I may injure myself.

The ones that burn your ass crack a b-hole like sulfuric acid

I'm usually far removed from this ugly reality... after the first or second cup of coffee its TIME, and is usually handle in 2-3 minutes tops and thats it for my day... over early, forget you're a filthy animal the rest of the day, its pretty cool..

But occasionally, if I've been drinking or gorging myself on foods and otherwise getting myself out of rhythm... forget it, I find myself trying to be Korean on an American toilet.

Whatever it take to wrap this crap UP.

Coital.....

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tubgirl mode is the worst.
or best, depending on your perspective.

Incomplete evacuations are the worst for me. Your ass is dirty and you don't even get that feeling of satisfaction. It's the cruelest shit of all.

My stepdad always smelled like poop and now I have a complex of smelling like poo. Thank god I've had women in my life to assure me I don't smell like kaw kaw.

When you were kids did your mom ever lay naked on a couch with a red can of aqua-net on her woo woo? She said she would do it because her lips were swollen from the hives,

These here.

What is the Worst Kind of Shit?
 

While we're on the subject, I had a small bout of what I'm guessing was diarrhea a couple months ago.

I'd get this legitimate heat wave feeling in my intestines followed immediately by an intense urge to shit what usually ended up being a liquid-y almond butter looking concoction.

Luckily I only dealt with that for a couple days but that fiery feeling in the gut was unmistakeable. That's the nearest I've gotten to a burning sensation going number 2 though.

My stomach must be a ****ing battle tested warrior because my pooping habits or what have you don't change much at all depending on what I eat.

This

breakers. hate those bastards. nothing like wiping your ass for hours on end afterwards.

Matt Cassel

Stop eating pizza flavored Combos.

Kaw kaw and woo woos? Wtf

The ones that clog the toilet, and you have to get a clothes hanger to break it up.

Don't forget your rain coat!

I've got the beer shits this morning. Not really identifiable per say, just a sudden burst that basically encompasses all of the above in one swoop.

The worst kind is when your wife keeps trying to talk to you through the door and won't let you dump in peace.

I hate the ones that hurt like it came out sideways

Open the door and toss a turd at her

For me, though, the worst is dropping a load outdoors...like at a camp out, or a field party. Doesn't matter the consistency, you're gonna have a bad time. Our bodies have forgotten the poo-in-nature instinct.

I once took a shit under an overpass on the highway whilst on a road trip. It might have been the most stressful, traumatic experience of my life.

This one is on my bucket-list.

The one where I'm driving home and don't know if I'm going to make it before it explodes. Clinching as much as I can and then I completely Harry Dunne the toilet when I make it home.

fecal slurry

I want to poop under water sometime

bloody ulcer shit

about 15 years ago. spent the weekend playing in a softball tourney. after 3 games we all decided to go grab a bite. since we were all filthy, the group decided on taco ****in bell.

everyone ordered but me...my guts and been rumbling for awhile and didn't want to take a chance of eating anything. while sitting w/the group, my stomach started rolling pretty bad, and I was kinda dizzy. so, I head to the shitter and sat down to let it rip. good grief, it was mostly all blood. I thought, "this shit aint good", and really started getting dizzy.

I decided to just walk out to the car and wait for the wife there. no sense in walking back to the table and announcing I'm shitting blood while the others are right in the middle of their burritos, so I staggered out the door. took about 3 steps outside and passed out in the parking lot. wallered around and was able to crawl over to the car and get in. after awhile, the wife came out, saw my condition and took me over to the e.r.

while my wife was in one room filling out forms, I stood against the wall trying to keep from falling over. all of a sudden, my guts started screaming again. slowly, my legs slid out from under me and I dropped to the floor. I couldn't friggin move, and I knew I was about to shit myself...and I did.

nurse stuck her head out the door and said, "mr. sec, you're next...oh my, what are you doing down there?"

I said, "I think I just shit myself."

so, they get me up and take me to the back room and stripped me down to hose me off. everyone in the e.r. was gagging. worst smelling shit ever for about 4 days. plus they wouldn't let me shit in a flushing stool...they had to keep checking it for blood. poor nurses earned their money that time.

sec

I hate when I step out of the shower and the strong urge to shit hits me at full force

When I was married I'd use my wife's bidet in times like that. Sounds gay but damn it works.I'm half thinking of putting one in a guest bathroom...

This was me on St. Patrick's day

It happens during heterosexual intercourse as well, but I don't judge if your first instinct is about same sex loving.

Creamy peanut butter poops are undoubtedly the worst. You'll take one of these poops and if you are as neurotic as I am when it comes to having a clean bunghole, you will wipe your buns like 7 times before finally having clean toilet paper. And to make this one the "cream of the crop" in terms of worst poops is the fact that you will walk around a little bit or just...I dunno, move around or stray away from the computer or something and you will immediately feel the need to go to the bathroom just to wipe your buns again. This happens like every 30 minutes or so following the poop and will last until you take your next "non creamy peanut butter" poop pushes the creamy poop out.

You need to keep a thing of moist wipies in your bathroom...

That itchy "not so fresh" feeling. Turrible.

I know. My parents did that and I keep forgetting to pick those up whenever I'm at Target.

It's just awful. Especially if you are in a situation where you can't just sprint to the bathroom to alleviate the turrible-ness.

I keep them for my female guests but I'm not afraid to use as needed. Just be sure to get the flushable kind...

Thread over. The 2nd example is a clean breaker. PM simply or I for tips.

My mother has a super fancy Japanese toilet thing that does everything. Warms, wets, dries, powdered, hand job. That is far too complicated for me.

But I would so install a nice urinal in a well used bathroom.

I'm pretty sure you could pull off the handy.

And the Japanese are very diverse in their poops.

Everything from squat-n-grunt to complete pampering...

I honestly think there's a lot to be said for the squat n grunt. Collectively our society would have to start working on their core muscles but that would kill two birds with one turd.

Truth.

You are some kind of special...

At least with the bowling ball shit you feel as though you've accomplished something with your day.
Nothing says relief like when that's over with. You feel lighter, almost like tapping the weight off of a baseball bat and skipper gives you the "swing away" signal.

Those can be awful, especially before they reach the sphincter and they are stretching out around the descending/sigmoid colon region and you can't quite tell if you have to take a bowling ball shit or if you are passing a kidney stone. I've pissed out a kidney stone...and have taken a few spike-covered bowling ball shits in my day...it feels similar when the shit is in that region I mentioned.