You know it's a good one if I comes out with hair on it

Can't say anything about the worst. I've had lower g.i. problems since my 20's, and have been taking fiber supplements since. I'm now 50.

Few things in life are as enjoyable as getting up in the morning, having a good cup of coffee, and then dropping a one-pound butt grenade as easy as letting a baseball slip out of your hand and plopping in for a splash down.

My b.m.'s are divine.

Damn......7 pages of poop talk. I think this confirms how full of shit we really are.

Yes sir..... We are full of it.

As if there were any doubt.

Heh yea, I’ve had to sacrifice a sock before. That’s why I always pack a zip lock with a couple rolls of TP in each of my rigs.

In the military with night vision goggles I have seen humans taking shits everyway possible all over the world. Sometimes I would fire on them while they were doing it.

You think people weren't pooping in the world trade centers when that happened?

Fred phelps, FTW

Fired on them? Hope they weren't friendlies...

This is the shit I'm dealing with right now.

Yesterday I was constipated as shit.

Now I'm shitting molten lava that makes me feel like my b-hole just chugged a bottle of Tabasco sauce.

If you're lucky it will burn off all your hemorrhoids and cauterize the stumps.

I briefly scanned this thread and saw a reply from 2014 about particular bowel movements that create an incessant need to wipe.

If you have mud on your driveway, do you get out paper towels and smear it around, or do you bust out the hose/pressure washer?

Obviously the latter. The very notion that you simply wipe the dirtiest part of your body with some wadded up tissue and call it a day is, quite frankly, disgusting.

Shit, Shower and Shave is always good, but sometimes you have to do your business AFTER the shower.

Enter the Bidet. You can buy an inexpensive mechanical bidet attachment that fits under your toilet seat on Amazon for around 30 bucks. It will be the BEST investment you have ever made in your life. Trust me.

Takes a bit to get used to, but once you do, it is GLORIOUS. NO MORE DIRTY ASSHOLES IN THIS HOUSE. :)