I want to poop under water sometime

bloody ulcer shit

about 15 years ago. spent the weekend playing in a softball tourney. after 3 games we all decided to go grab a bite. since we were all filthy, the group decided on taco ****in bell.

everyone ordered but me...my guts and been rumbling for awhile and didn't want to take a chance of eating anything. while sitting w/the group, my stomach started rolling pretty bad, and I was kinda dizzy. so, I head to the shitter and sat down to let it rip. good grief, it was mostly all blood. I thought, "this shit aint good", and really started getting dizzy.

I decided to just walk out to the car and wait for the wife there. no sense in walking back to the table and announcing I'm shitting blood while the others are right in the middle of their burritos, so I staggered out the door. took about 3 steps outside and passed out in the parking lot. wallered around and was able to crawl over to the car and get in. after awhile, the wife came out, saw my condition and took me over to the e.r.

while my wife was in one room filling out forms, I stood against the wall trying to keep from falling over. all of a sudden, my guts started screaming again. slowly, my legs slid out from under me and I dropped to the floor. I couldn't friggin move, and I knew I was about to shit myself...and I did.

nurse stuck her head out the door and said, "mr. sec, you're next...oh my, what are you doing down there?"

I said, "I think I just shit myself."

so, they get me up and take me to the back room and stripped me down to hose me off. everyone in the e.r. was gagging. worst smelling shit ever for about 4 days. plus they wouldn't let me shit in a flushing stool...they had to keep checking it for blood. poor nurses earned their money that time.

sec

I hate when I step out of the shower and the strong urge to shit hits me at full force

When I was married I'd use my wife's bidet in times like that. Sounds gay but damn it works.I'm half thinking of putting one in a guest bathroom...

This was me on St. Patrick's day

It happens during heterosexual intercourse as well, but I don't judge if your first instinct is about same sex loving.

Creamy peanut butter poops are undoubtedly the worst. You'll take one of these poops and if you are as neurotic as I am when it comes to having a clean bunghole, you will wipe your buns like 7 times before finally having clean toilet paper. And to make this one the "cream of the crop" in terms of worst poops is the fact that you will walk around a little bit or just...I dunno, move around or stray away from the computer or something and you will immediately feel the need to go to the bathroom just to wipe your buns again. This happens like every 30 minutes or so following the poop and will last until you take your next "non creamy peanut butter" poop pushes the creamy poop out.

You need to keep a thing of moist wipies in your bathroom...

That itchy "not so fresh" feeling. Turrible.

I know. My parents did that and I keep forgetting to pick those up whenever I'm at Target.

It's just awful. Especially if you are in a situation where you can't just sprint to the bathroom to alleviate the turrible-ness.

I keep them for my female guests but I'm not afraid to use as needed. Just be sure to get the flushable kind...

Thread over. The 2nd example is a clean breaker. PM simply or I for tips.

My mother has a super fancy Japanese toilet thing that does everything. Warms, wets, dries, powdered, hand job. That is far too complicated for me.

But I would so install a nice urinal in a well used bathroom.

I'm pretty sure you could pull off the handy.

And the Japanese are very diverse in their poops.

Everything from squat-n-grunt to complete pampering...