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Easy 6 12-19-2014 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11203351)
True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me, seeting, with eyes that could kill you alone and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

Whoa bro, what should've been a harmless inside joke escalated to attempted murder? Uh yeah, its time to RUN FOR DA CHOPPA at that point... even the girl I was with wasnt that crazy, she actually enjoyed weird jokes about her past to a point.

But that one final act was strictly verboten.

Kman34 12-19-2014 08:12 PM

After 28 years of marriage my wife was kind of meh about BJs. We kind got in a rut because of raising the girls and working so much it was hurry up and do it and let's go to sleep...
I decided to do some manscaping one day and holy shit she was fascinated by it and couldn't leave it alone.... it also looked huge with its new hair cut..LMAO

Easy 6 12-19-2014 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kman34 (Post 11203425)
After 28 years of marriage my wife was kind of meh about BJs. We kind got in a rut because of raising the girls and working so much it was hurry up and do it and let's go to sleep...
I decided to do some manscaping one day and holy shit she was fascinated by it and couldn't leave it alone.... it also looked huge with its new hair cut..LMAO

For a truly happy marriage, I'd honestly give up the BJ's any day of the week...

Making love to the same woman you have a long history with, the girl that gets all your jokes and knows yet puts up with your weaknesses, when you climb on her as easily as climbing the nearest "king of the mountain" hill, when every move is already known, when every groan and giggle is expected, theres reeeally something to be said for that... its special man.

Strange is great yeah sure, but having that one special girl is sooo much better... take it from me, your old Uncle Scotty... its true.

Titty Meat 12-19-2014 08:44 PM

I guess I got a blowjob last week and told the gal she needs to work on her skills. Shes offering to blow me again.

eDave 12-19-2014 08:44 PM

Sigh. I could use a blowjob.

Titty Meat 12-19-2014 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11203572)
Sigh. I could use a blowjob.

Come over.

eDave 12-19-2014 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Hog (Post 11203578)
Come over.

I've only got $3.50.

Buzz 12-19-2014 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11203586)
I've only got $3.50.

Hold out and get it for free.

Easy 6 12-19-2014 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buzz (Post 11203617)
Hold out and get it for free.

ROFL

Pepe Silvia 12-19-2014 09:15 PM

No I'm not jelly, not even close.

Dayze 12-19-2014 10:12 PM

LMAO. The last few comments

Dayze 12-19-2014 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Hog (Post 11203578)
Come over.

LMAO

.....slut

eDave 12-19-2014 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Hog (Post 11203571)
I guess I got a blowjob last week and told the gal she needs to work on her skills. Shes offering to blow me again.

Typical Nebraska chick. No thanks.

BigRedChief 12-19-2014 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11203572)
Sigh. I could use a blowjob.

Check your PM's

Baby Lee 12-19-2014 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11202628)
BABOU! HE REMEMBERS ME

Hey, look it's the piss cat.

He's corpuscular, get'im boys!!

BigRedChief 12-19-2014 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 11203926)
LMAO. The last few comments

Getting closer to HOC membership.

Bring this shit home. Entertain us!

eDave 12-19-2014 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigRedChief (Post 11203948)
Check your PM's

Tease.

Baby Lee 12-19-2014 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze (Post 11202786)
it probably smells like motorcycles and freedom down there.


so I'm not really sure what the problem is. Probably going to spritz a little Stetson or Aqua Velva down there to sweeten the deal.

ROFL ROFL - I love the smell of Daze dong in the morning, that gasoline smell

http://new2.fjcdn.com/comments/I+lov...3e10626d06.jpg

ThaVirus 12-19-2014 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc (Post 11203390)
If that's some kind of a shot at me then kindly go **** yourself.


Have you read his posts? You're literally the 40 year old version of him.

Baby Lee 12-19-2014 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by booger (Post 11203010)
You Put the bald man in
You pull the bald man out
And you shake it all around
That's what it's all about

Jesus Christ!!

Rhythm is definitely NOT gonna get you.

That might be the whitest, most middle aged, ****ing casserole supper and TV Guide, shit I've read in a while.

eDave 12-19-2014 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Lee (Post 11203991)
Jesus Christ!!

Rhythm is definitely NOT gonna get you.

That might be the whitest, most middle aged, ****ing casserole supper and TV Guide, shit I've read in a while.

Curse you for influencing me to read it. Yea, the transition to the 4ht line hurt.

Dayze 12-19-2014 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Lee (Post 11203971)
ROFL ROFL - I love the smell of Daze dong in the morning, that gasoline smell

I always knew you seemed nice.

......and patriotic. :thailor:

Pepe Silvia 12-19-2014 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buzz (Post 11203912)
ROFL

Incest must be a bitch?

Quit bringing up your favorite topic.

Easy 6 12-19-2014 11:08 PM

50 omaha set hut

Ming the Merciless 12-19-2014 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cochise (Post 11202217)
Where is the "not interested, let's get down to business" option?

Super into anal?

Mouth not tight enuf?

KC native 12-20-2014 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 11202659)
I am curious, however. How often does she finish?

My wife? Every time. I hold off until she finishes at least once.

eDave 12-20-2014 12:09 AM

Clean fights and dirty sex I say.

KC native 12-20-2014 12:20 AM

LMAO holy **** this thread took off.

Discuss Thrower 12-20-2014 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11204352)
LMAO holy **** this thread took off.

What did you expect? You took a shot at Billay in the amount of time it takes Alex Smith to feel phantom pressure in the pocket.

brucey_72 12-20-2014 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Easy 6 (Post 11203336)
Did she have a bad experience in her younger days, too many guys too much?

I was with a girl for 6 months like that, she'd do ANY damn thing but swallow because of an ugly incident in her past... I guess thats what happens to girls from an "escort service" without the muscle a pimp is supposed to provide.

But yeah, you're anonymous brucey 72 on the web... what was her deal, why wouldnt she go down?

I will put it this way. 4 grown men went to prison for what they did when she was 5-12yrs old.
So no i dont push it and never will, if she decides to then that will happen when it happens. I cant blame her and am just happy she didnt turn lesbian.

eDave 12-20-2014 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brucey_72 (Post 11204407)
I will put it this way. 4 grown men went to prison for what they did when she was 5-12yrs old.
So no i dont push it and never will, if she decides to then that will happen when it happens. I cant blame her and am just happy she didnt turn lesbian.

Damn. Sorry we drew that out of you. You sound rock solid.

Mr. Flopnuts 12-20-2014 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTown (Post 11202897)
cooter? really?

You might want to change up your vernacular about your wife's pussy around your wife. Maybe try.........Meat Wallet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger (Post 11202901)
That's actually her name for her vagina.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTown (Post 11202907)
Seriously? That's awesome......:LOL:

Top notch back and forth here. ROFL

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11202986)
The T-Rex:

When you are doing a girl from behind, preferably close to the edge of the bed, and you grab her by the shoulders and lift her up. This results in her swinging her arms aimlessly like a T-Rex while making moaning noises.

"Dude.. what was all that noise.."
"Oo.. I t rexed that bitch"
"Sahweet"

Pairs well with a donkey punch.

That sounds like it's almost as fun as "The Rodeo ****". Bareback a chick, stick it in her ass after pinning her arms and legs down, then whisper in her ear "I have AIDS". If you can hold on for 8 seconds you qualify for a score.

Quote:

Originally Posted by go bowe (Post 11203347)
**** 'em...

Absolutely!

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11203351)
True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me, seeting, with eyes that could kill you alone and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

Holy shit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc (Post 11203390)
If that's some kind of a shot at me then kindly go **** yourself.

Bro, I'm really sorry if you're sensitive about it. I was just cracking a joke. Honestly I figured you'd get a chuckle out of it. My bad. I never got the impression you didn't get laid because you couldn't. I assumed that it wasn't worth the hassle to you. So, you have my apologies if that made you mad.

RaiderH8r 12-20-2014 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts (Post 11204433)
Top notch back and forth here. ROFL



That sounds like it's almost as fun as "The Rodeo ****". Bareback a chick, stick it in her ass after pinning her arms and legs down, then whisper in her ear "I have AIDS". If you can hold on for 8 seconds you qualify for a score.



Absolutely!



Holy shit!



Bro, I'm really sorry if you're sensitive about it. I was just cracking a joke. Honestly I figured you'd get a chuckle out of it. My bad. I never got the impression you didn't get laid because you couldn't. I assumed that it wasn't worth the hassle to you. So, you have my apologies if that made you mad.

Re: the rodeo. I've always told them their sister is tighter. I don't joke about the AIDS in the butt. And I wipe my cock off on the drapes. I'm a ****ing gentleman.

Braincase 12-20-2014 09:29 AM

Alas, my wife suffers from post-marital gag reflex.

Sigh.

KC native 12-20-2014 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11204376)
What did you expect? You took a shot at Billay in the amount of time it takes Alex Smith to feel phantom pressure in the pocket.

I think it was more due to donger and his wife's meat wallet.

Mojo Jojo 12-20-2014 01:06 PM

I went by the gf's office today with some snacks because she has to get some year end work done...ended up getting blown in her office chair

Baby Lee 12-20-2014 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mojo Jojo (Post 11204810)
I went by the gf's office today with some snacks because she has to get some year end work done...ended up getting blown in her office chair

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/custo...avatar45_3.gif


Go oooonnnnnnn!!!

ChiTown 12-20-2014 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Lee (Post 11204821)

LMAO

booger 12-20-2014 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Lee (Post 11203991)
Jesus Christ!!

Rhythm is definitely NOT gonna get you.

That might be the whitest, most middle aged, ****ing casserole supper and TV Guide, shit I've read in a while.

Blow me










See what I did there!

George Liquor 12-20-2014 02:27 PM

New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

BigRedChief 12-20-2014 02:33 PM

This thread has risen to serious consideration for the HOC. One more burst and it crosses the finish line.

booger 12-20-2014 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

You got to give details or we'll assume she barks when she comes

BigRedChief 12-20-2014 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

Details or GTFO.

bevischief 12-20-2014 03:05 PM

220 hz

KC native 12-20-2014 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

Does it concern you that she is a freak already? I mean somebody had to teach her. :evil:

Rain Man 12-20-2014 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

Freak as in good and/or kinky, or freak as in she has a tail and multiple sets of genitals?

RaiderH8r 12-20-2014 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.

So she blows you AFTER butt secks? Kinky.

KChiefs1 12-20-2014 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockChalk (Post 11202243)
This. Never really cared much about BJ's. Only was excited by them if sex wasn't an option.



I'll take sex over a BJ any day.


Yes.

A woman starts sucking on my rod & licking my balls & I just want some pussy.

KChiefs1 12-20-2014 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11204902)
New girlfriend is a freak in the sack.


How?

George Liquor 12-20-2014 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11204969)
Does it concern you that she is a freak already? I mean somebody had to teach her. :evil:

Nope. Not at all

Psyko Tek 12-20-2014 08:41 PM

I voted every time, but have only had 2 in the last year, but it was everytime

bevischief 12-20-2014 08:51 PM

Hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm

BigRedChief 12-20-2014 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23 (Post 11205324)
Nope. Not at all

I can see why.
http://www.themockdock.com/wp-conten...1148578790.jpg

Discuss Thrower 12-20-2014 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan (Post 11202558)
Well no. If you're not excited about being a high school sports announcer, then no, I don't want to hear about it.

But if you love it. If you love the kids, the atmosphere, the booth. If it's the tradition, or the smells, or the sounds that keep drawing you back. If it mattered to you in any way, I would.

And you don't think that a 20-something guy displaying any of what you've mentioned here won't come off as incredibly creepy?

Baby Lee 12-21-2014 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11206004)
And you don't think that a 20-something guy displaying any of what you've mentioned here won't come off as incredibly creepy?

This isn't you, is it?

http://img.ksl.com/slc/2496/249671/24967121.jpg

Discuss Thrower 12-21-2014 12:14 AM

I'm pretty fugly, but not that ****ing fugly.

Baby Lee 12-21-2014 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11206047)
I'm pretty fugly, but not that ****ing fugly.

Do you know the story?

[google piggyback bandit]

Perineum Ripper 12-21-2014 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTown (Post 11202897)
cooter? really?

You might want to change up your vernacular about your wife's pussy around your wife. Maybe try.........Meat Wallet?

In high school my nickname was Cooter

I went to a party, got drunk and ended up hooking up with a girl there..we went upstairs and started ****ing..after a few minutes she started screaming, "**** my cooter!!!" Screaming it loud as hell..loud enough people heard it downstairs..over music

So everyone started calling me Cooter

Perineum Ripper 12-21-2014 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kman34 (Post 11202921)
What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

What's the difference between a joke a 5 dicks?

Your wife can't take a joke!

Perineum Ripper 12-21-2014 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11202986)
The T-Rex:

When you are doing a girl from behind, preferably close to the edge of the bed, and you grab her by the shoulders and lift her up. This results in her swinging her arms aimlessly like a T-Rex while making moaning noises.

"Dude.. what was all that noise.."
"Oo.. I t rexed that bitch"
"Sahweet"

Pairs well with a donkey punch.

The Silverback Gorilla

Having sec with a girl doggy style..you pull out cum on her back..take your hand smear it across her back..jam your thumb in her ass really quick

She will try crawling away while screaming making monkey sounds

beach tribe 12-21-2014 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Jefe (Post 11202756)
No doubt, I don't understand that. One of my buddies has a long time girlfriend of 5 years, he swears that he has only got a bj one time and it wasn't to completion, he said his gf says its too gross. Every time my wife and I have sex that's how we start. I eat a lot of box and she returns the favor every time we have sex. I thought everybody used oral as a warm up/foreplay prior to saxxing it up.

You listen to that douche in your av and got a chick to marry you?

Props.

beach tribe 12-21-2014 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mac459 (Post 11206268)
The Silverback Gorilla

Having sec with a girl doggy style..you pull out cum on her back..take your hand smear it across her back..jam your thumb in her ass really quick

She will try crawling away while screaming making sounds

The pirate:

Nut in her eye, and kick her in the shin.

She'll hop on on leg covering one eye screaming arrrrrrrrrgggg!


The dolphin:

Try to stick it her ass and she says "eh eh, eh eh, eh eh"

BigRedChief 12-21-2014 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mac459 (Post 11206268)
The Silverback Gorilla

Having sec with a girl doggy style..you pull out cum on her back..take your hand smear it across her back..jam your thumb in her ass really quick

She will try crawling away while screaming making monkey sounds

Doesn't seem nice.

BigRedChief 12-21-2014 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beach tribe (Post 11206273)
The pirate:

Nut in her eye, and kick her in the shin.

She'll hop on on leg covering one eye screaming arrrrrrrrrgggg!


The dolphin:

Try to stick it her ass and she says "eh eh, eh eh, eh eh"

Doesn't seem nice II

George Liquor 12-21-2014 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigRedChief (Post 11205585)

Haha, I wish. I'm willing to bet I've been around the block far more times than she has. My past sexual history isn't really her business, just like hers isn't mine.

Easy 6 12-21-2014 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brucey_72 (Post 11204407)
I will put it this way. 4 grown men went to prison for what they did when she was 5-12yrs old.
So no i dont push it and never will, if she decides to then that will happen when it happens. I cant blame her and am just happy she didnt turn lesbian.

Oh hell, sorry I asked... lets hope they're all being raped at this very minute.

MikeMaslowski 12-21-2014 12:55 PM

Every single day, without question. I love this woman more than life itself.

MikeMaslowski 12-21-2014 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeMaslowski (Post 11207343)
Every single day, without question. I love this woman more than life itself.

And sometimes, multiple, like afternoon and then foreplay for the night adventure.

Americans need to start expecting this from their spouses.

stevieray 12-21-2014 02:28 PM

to each his own.

not betraying my wife with details.

KC native 12-21-2014 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray (Post 11208344)
to each his own.

not betraying my wife with details.

Then why are you posting in this thread dipshit?

stevieray 12-21-2014 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11209117)
Then why are you posting in this thread dipshit?

I don't owe you an answer, overcompensator.

KC native 12-21-2014 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray (Post 11209482)
I don't owe you an answer, overcompensator.

Again, why post in the thread? Why even make that statement?

jspchief 12-21-2014 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray (Post 11208344)
to each his own.

not betraying my wife with details.

I have to agree. Seems pretty low class.

KC native 12-21-2014 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jspchief (Post 11209569)
I have to agree. Seems pretty low class.

I bet you have a pretty boring sex life.

A lot of Americans are too uptight about sex. Apparently you and dipshit are part of that crowd.

Just Passin' By 12-21-2014 07:11 PM

The Bills did a lot of sucking today. Does that count?

stevieray 12-21-2014 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11209694)
I bet you have a pretty boring sex life.

A lot of Americans are too uptight about sex. Apparently you and dipshit are part of that crowd.

i've seen jsp's wife.. i highly doubt it.


you're prolly married to a hog.
no?
let's see her..what's that? you won't show a pic? but you''ll talk about her giving head?

yup, low class.

Jim Lahey 12-21-2014 07:20 PM

Once in the last 3 years..

KC native 12-21-2014 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray (Post 11209960)
i've seen jsp's wife.. i highly doubt it.


you're prolly married to a hog.
no?
let's see her..what's that? you won't show a pic? but you''ll talk about her giving head?

yup, low class.

LMAO

Hooray for missionary position and no-head sex lives like you and jsp have.

Talking about sex and what you do in the bedroom isn't low class. Keep trying though.

stevieray 12-21-2014 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11209991)

Hooray for missionary position and no-head sex lives like you and jsp have.

yup, hog.

Dayze 12-21-2014 08:23 PM

The Houdini


Bang a gal from behind, in crease speed then pull out and spit on her back. She'll think you came, but when she turns around you blow it in her face. Slight of cock.


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