Dear God !!! What have I started here ???



ROFL

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

WTF?

A blonde got fired at an M&M's factory...



She kept eatting all the W's.........

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

BLONDE TERMINOLOGY



Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

OK... YOU WIN !!!! ROFL

Never f**k with me. You can't win.

Let's go bowling !!!


ROFL

I'm tempted to bust out the Helen Keller jokes...

You do know I'd just kneecap you, right?

How do her parents punish her?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

How do you Punish Hellen Keller? 1- Reareange the Furniture 2- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it. 3- tell her to find the corners in a round room

How do her parents punish her?

Re-arrange the furniture.

Why did Helen Keller's dog jump off a cliff and kill itself? You would too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuop.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman! no seriously why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!

If Helen Keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?

How do you get helen keller to keep a secret? Break her fingers

I hear ya...


:p

dangit repost

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.

That's what I was looking for :banghead:

what did the cannible say to the other cannible after they ate the clown? Did he taste funny to you?

Two cannibals were talking. The first says, "Man, I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "So, try the potatoes."

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? wipes his ass.

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? The wheelchair.

Just in time for "Hannibal Rising."

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot are in a bar when a fly lands in each of their beers. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the beer away and demands a new one. The Scot, picks the fly out and keeps drinking. The Irishman grabs the fly, sqeezes it, and shouts, "Spit it out you little bastard!"

Oh, did you like that?
 

What do you call a lesbien dinosuar? Lickalotofpuss.

What do you call a gay dinosaur?



A megasoreass!

LMAO

AFC questions: Biggest issues for every team

Feb. 8, 2007
By Pete Prisco
CBS SportsLine.com Senior Writer

Kansas City Chiefs

Does Trent Green come back or is this now Damon Huard's team?

Green looked awful in the playoff loss to the Colts, which could force the Chiefs to make a move to re-sign Huard. If they do, Green will have to take a restructured deal to stay with the team. Green didn't play well after taking the shot to the head early in the season. Age is a factor, too.

http://cbs.sportsline.com/nfl/story/9984109/3

Two women are playing golf when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him, apologizes, and explains that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.

"No thanks, just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pant and starts massaging his genitals.

"Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits. "But my thumb still hurts like hell."

What the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes? Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo.

The red-headed stranger from Blue Rock, Montana,
Rode into town one day.
And under his knees was a ragin' black stallion,
And walkin' behind was a bay.
The red-headed stranger had eyes like the thunder,
And his lips, they were sad and tight.
His little lost love lay asleep on the hillside,
And his heart was heavy as night.
Don't cross him, don't boss him.
He's wild in his sorrow:
He's ridin' an' hidin his pain.
Don't fight him, don't spite him;
Just wait till tomorrow,
Maybe he'll ride on again.

A yellow-haired lady leaned out of her window,
An' watched as he passed her way.
She drew back in fear at the sight of the stallion,
But cast greedy eyes on the bay.
But how could she know that this dancin' bay pony,
Meant more to him than life.
For this was the horse that his little lost darlin',
Had ridden when she was his wife.

Don't cross him, don't boss him.
He's wild in his sorrow:
He's ridin' an' hidin his pain.
Don't fight him, don't spite him;
Just wait till tomorrow,
Maybe he'll ride on again.

The yellow-haired lady came down to the tavern,
An' looked up the stranger there.
He bought her a drink, an' he gave her some money,
He just didn't seem to care.
She followed him out as he saddled his stallion,
An' laughed as she grabbed at the bay.
He shot her so quick, they had no time to warn her,
She never heard anyone say:

"Don't cross him, don't boss him.
"He's wild in his sorrow:
"He's ridin' an' hidin his pain.
"Don't fight him, don't spite him;
"Just wait till tomorrow,
"Maybe he'll ride on again."

The yellow-haired lady was buried at sunset;
The stranger went free, of course.
For you can't hang a man for killin' a woman,
Who's tryin' to steal your horse.
Tthis is the tale of the red headed stranger,
And if he should pass your way,
Stay out of the path of the ragin' black stallion,
And don't lay a hand on the bay.

Don't cross him, don't boss him.
He's wild in his sorrow:
He's ridin' an' hidin his pain.
Don't fight him, don't spite him;
Just wait till tomorrow,
Maybe he'll ride on again.

Stupefied--dying your hair blonde

What can a woodpecker do that a man can't?

Whistle out of his pecker.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A 40 year-old woman wants to have children, a 40 year-old man wants to date them.

How does a man keep his youth? By giving them money, furs and diamonds.

Alright..I'm all caught up.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? one is made out of plastic and dangerous for kids, and the other holds groceries.

Why don't women need watches?


There's a clock on the stove.

How are girls and mermaids similar?

They both look like girls from the waist up, and they both smell like fish from the waist down.

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her in tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded, yes. After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Chrysler 300: a vehicle I'd like to own some day

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/9312/amanwalksintohl1.gif" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/8166/houseparty015er4.jpg" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

If this thread were filmed right now...
 

I've seen a guy say he wasn't drunk and then proceed to take one step off his bar stool, landing face first on the floor ROFL

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/5919/computgirls6hqny1.jpg" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

.

On a side note, Jane Monheit is f**king phenomenal.

LMAO

who?

Kurt Vonnegut

Jazz singer.

http://www.janemonheitmusic.com/

This is how I roll:

http://www.bundyology.com/dodge.jpg

Thanks. Wish my speakers were hooked up!

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?


Because they're ugly and they stink!

You need a decent stereo to really appreciate it.

Based on that you'd think men would wear it too.

No, we'd wear dark glasses and a nose plug.

Somebody needs to find a way for me to play my Pandora radio station in my car.

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?



So the dishwasher will match the rest of the appliances!

However, the Charger is priority #1

How many radical feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?



Two... one to change the bulb and one to suck my dick!

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/8394/effigiesan8.gif" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

Why did the radical feminist cross the road?




To suck my dick!

March 29th. Oklahoma City Ford Center

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/9624/toolka5.jpg" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

The one on the left must be Nicole Ritchie

Isn't it past your bed time? LMAO

Getting very close. I have tommorrow off though.

:shrug:

http://www.gettent.com/images/extent...cordground.jpg

What do you do?

I have these, it might work better:

http://www.churchmultimedia.com/images/laptop.jpg

http://wireless-internet-broadband-s...-evdo-card.jpg

24: Aqua Teen Hunger Force

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A woman's greatest dream...I get paid to talk on the phone.

acen8s. Duh.

Hang out...don't be such a stranger.

Soil kicks ass. Halo is a badass song.

http://web.mit.edu/nuwong/www/animated/BEAVIS.GIF