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Old 04-09-2002, 05:34 PM  
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Another Bob Dole NFBT Rant

You were warned.

Bob Dole realizes there are some devoutly religious individuals here on the Planet, and actually reads most of the religion-based threads without participating. Bob Dole freely admits to having some serious doubts about the usefullness of organized religion, but openly respects everyone's personal beliefs.

Given that preface, here's the latest event from the Neighborhood from Hell.

As you probably know, Bob Dole's entire lawn equipment inventory performed an assisted disappearing act from the garage last fall. As you probably guessed, Bob Dole has not been eager to rush out and buy new lawn equipment, fearing that it will meet the same end. Thusly, Bob Dole's "lawn" ain't been touched since last fall--except for the motocross track Reliant Energy so thoughtfully built in the side yard.

Other useful background: Bob Dole lives across the street from a large Baptist church. Last Spring, a week after Bob Dole moved in, one of the neighbors (who happens to be a member of the Baptist church across the street) came over and asked Bob Dole if he could do something with his "lawn" because the church was trying to make the neighborhood look nice. Bob Dole, who has historically taken pride in the lawn's appearance, was embarassed that a neighbor came to ask, and promptly fixed the problem lawn, and improved it with flowers and such over the course of the Spring/Summer. At the time of the equipment theft, Bob Dole's lawn looked better than the complaining neighbor's, and he actually had the nerve to stop by as Bob Dole was sweating his fat white ass off one Saturday afternoon and tell Bob Dole as much.

So Bob Dole is sitting here about 15 minutes ago and the Chihuahua Alert System goes haywire and Bob Dole looks out to see some unknown 60-something male walking up the walk. Bob Dole turns down the top volume Hoobastank and answers the door accompanied by 14 total pounds of fury and steps out on the porch with Bud in hand.

"How are you?" inquires the old coot.

"Other than trapped in a house with furious Chihuahuas, pretty well," replies Bob Dole. (Bob Dole takes a pull on the bottle...)

Old guy: "Good...good. Has anyone mention that we has a prospective new minister coming in to visit this weekend?"

Sensing what is about to transpire, suddenly less-pleasant Bob Dole replies, "Why would they? I don't attend that church."

Old fart: "Uh-hum. Well, we have a prospective new minister coming in to visit..."

Rude Bob Dole interrupts, "I gathered that much. Thanks."

Raisin: "Well...um...er...well... We're trying to make sure the neighborhood looks really good and were wondering whether you could do anything with your yard."

Bob-I-Knew-It-Dole: "No, I can't."

Prune Eater: blank stare

Bob-Increasingly-Disgusted-Dole: "Someone was kind enough to steal all my lawn equipment last Fall and I have not yet replaced it. I have been talking to a guy about buying his used Toro, and if he actually shows up with it before the weekend, you can rest assured I'll use it. If he doesn't, I don't really have any way to take care of it. I don't like looking at this shit either, if you want to know the truth, but I'm hesitant to go out and spend $500 on new lawn equipment so the dirtbags can break into the garage and steal it again."

Already-Paid-for-My-Burial-Plot-Man: "Ummm. Hmmmm. Well..."

Bob Dole: "You know, I noticed you had the church lawn done today. If it was really a big concern, you could have had them come over here and chop down my weed patch. Or you can send them back to do it tomorrow if you want. You know...in the spirit of 'Christian Charity' and all..."

Why-Did-I-Get-Elected-to-this-Shit-Guy: blank stare

Bob Dole: (Resisting the urge to point out that the guy does the blank stare thing quite a bit and might want to see his physician about it.) Well, if you guys want to do that, or if the guy shows up with the used mower before Friday and it actually works, I'll sure have it looking spiffy for you. I'm not going to go buy new equipment, nor am I going to pay anyone to come mow it, so I guess it's your choice."

At which point Bob Dole turned around and walked back in to Chihuahua Haven.

Bob Dole supposes the question is: Was Bob Dole out of line? And if you've got enough sack to go ring someone's doorbell to bitch about their yard, and you're really a compassionate, caring person living the Christain lifestyle, wouldn't you feel obligated to offer some sort of solution (other than scissors) when informed that some shitbag stole all the lawn equipment? Hell, Bob Dole doesn't go to church and has mowed a neighbor's yard more than once when they couldn't/wouldn't.

Bob Dole probably isn't going to mow the thing if the guy shows up with the mower in 15 minutes. It's the principle.

Last edited by Bob Dole; 04-09-2002 at 05:38 PM..
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Old 04-09-2002, 06:52 PM   #31
Logical Logical is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by philfree
No I wouldn't fence the flowers but maybe I could give them to my wife to suck up for not removing the leaves.

PhilFree
~pays $20.00 a pop to have his yard mowed and weed wacked~
Logical feels better about his $100 a month to have the gardner mow once a week, prune the bushes and do general maintenance on all the flowers and shrubs. Logical has a black thumb and hates lawn work.
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Old 04-09-2002, 06:53 PM   #32
tommykat tommykat is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole hasn't seen any good mower+weedeater combo meals for $100 lately.

And while the lawn isn't neatly trimmed at present, it's a long way from hideous. Bob Dole is just trying to let it go to seed to enhance its lushness. Yeah...that's it.

(Space Lord mother mother...)
I didn't say combo dummy......$100 a piece.......
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Old 04-09-2002, 06:54 PM   #33
chief husker chief husker is offline
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Dear Bob - I would do as I have done with all my neighbors who cross me; I egg their house repeatedly. No, I'm serious. Ever washed egg off your house? Ever washed it off with a neighbor staring at you? Knowing said neighbor egged your house? Try it. It will also make you feel better.
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Old 04-09-2002, 06:55 PM   #34
old_geezer old_geezer is offline
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What it sounds like to me is that the man who showed up on your doorstep missed a golden opportunity to demonstrate to you true Christian compassion.

When you explained to him that you had no yard tools (no matter what tone you used) and invited him to send someone from the church over to fix the problem, he should have cheerfully agreed to do so.

His reaction gave you a poor opinion of the church and Christians in general. I'm sorry for you and others that there are so many of us who fail too often (and I include myself as one who fails far too often.)
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:00 PM   #35
JOhn JOhn is offline
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I really feel for all your lawn troubles.....
But now that I'm in the land of little rain...


Don't water = Don't mow
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:00 PM   #36
old_geezer old_geezer is offline
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:02 PM   #37
PunkinDrublic PunkinDrublic is offline
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I'll bet it was a Ned Flanders type. "Hi diddely ho neighbor could you please cut your yard."
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:02 PM   #38
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Before Bob Dole signs off for the evening and leaves the wrong impresion, Bob Dole would like to clarify something.

This evenings visitor's behavior was a reflection of his behavior and not a reflection of all Christians. Bob Dole makes the assumption that this "spokesman" for his local church considers himslef a Christian man, and Bob Dole simply finds it a little tough to swallow that he (the Christain man) would behave in this way.

Bob Dole has a lot of friends who are religious, and quite a few that consider themselves Christian, and Bob Dole values those friendships. Please do not take this thread as an indictment upon all believers. The only reason religion was mentioned was to illustrate that it wasn't the owner of Steve's Tatoo Shop who rang the doorbell.
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:05 PM   #39
chief husker chief husker is offline
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Religion has got nothing to do with it.

DONT TREAD ON ME!
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:09 PM   #40
KC2004 KC2004 is offline
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If ya wanna be a pain in the ass Bob here's what ya do. You go out and borrow a push mower. Now take it home and carefully mow a pentagram in the tail grass in the front yard. See if they appreciate your effort????
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:18 PM   #41
Mosbonian Mosbonian is offline
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Bob Dole....

What concerns me is that too many people get the wrong impression of Christians from small incidents like these....

Now, if it had been me, and upon hearing that your lawn equipment had been pilfered, I would have certainly volunteered my services....

Afterwards, I would admit that I might say something like this.....

"Mr. Dole, if you don't mind, I would like to bring my mens group over and do your yard work for you next time as one of our projects, until such a time as you are able to purchase some equipment.....

I must admit that many times the gentleman who runs "Steve's Tatoo Shop" knows a bit more about Christian duty, than those who profess to be Christians...

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Old 04-09-2002, 07:21 PM   #42
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Old Geezer...

I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that great minds think alike....

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Old 04-09-2002, 07:30 PM   #43
Rain Man Rain Man is online now
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I'm not a religious guy at all, and generally have little patience with discussions of religions, but I have to ask: why should being religious require one to be a sucker? Why can't a person go to a neighbor and say, "Hey, fella, you mind taking care of your property a little better so we're not all embarrassed to be living near you?" without being encumbered to take care of the neighbor's lawn themselves? That's taking expectations of religious charity a bit too far, in my opinion.

Of course, if any of you religious folk disagree, you're welcome to remodel my basement for me. It's the right thing to do, you know.
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Old 04-09-2002, 07:52 PM   #44
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Why should someone of a Church receive special dispensation?

Mr Dole handled the situation correctly.
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Old 04-09-2002, 08:04 PM   #45
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I can honestly say that I've met the Dole man. He is neither an ass or a saint. I consider him a friend. I agree that he handled the situation correctly. The "old Fart" that came to the door is the one that handled the situation poorly.

For the Record: Not one time did I think tha Bob Dole was slamming those that profess to be Christians rather the people in the world that always identify the problem without having some plan of action to make it better.
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