The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read

[jAZ]

As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold.

NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety.

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read

Here's the full email (with the author's name changed):

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough ****ing ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying ****, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ****ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ****ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ****ing retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a **** if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ****ING UP AT SOBER ****ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ****ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ****ing. Team. ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? Or are you just so ****ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ****ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ****ING MATCHUP. I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ****ing awkward than 80 that are ****ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.

[WhiteWhale]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

You and you boyfriend Setsuna can't read. I never said her opinion of her sorority sisters actions was wrong. I simply stated that she chose a stupid and immature way to express it. She took the easy way out by trying to sound all tough in an email instead of talking to the girls in the sorority directly. If you don't believe that the method she chose to get her message across was stupid and immature, then I don't know what to tell you except you're wrong.

It was the childish tantrum of a spoiled brat.

It's not even really that funny. I did enjoy the phrase '**** punt'. Other than that it was just a childish tantrum of a spoiled brat. It's pretty common today and is often defended as acceptable. I'm not really sure what is remarkable about it other than the attention it has garnered.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by WhiteWhale

It was the childish tantrum of a spoiled brat.

It's not even really that funny. I did enjoy the phrase '**** punt'. Other than that it was just a childish tantrum of a spoiled brat. It's pretty common today and is often defended as acceptable. I'm not really sure what is remarkable about it other than the attention it has garnered.

I disagree. If a football coach had gone on a similar rant to his players about their responsibilities, no one would call it a childish tantrum of a spoiled brat. This might be unseemly language for a young lady to use in polite company, but she's right and it's presumably her job to impress that upon her sisters. I'm not condoning the approach, because it has PR implications if it gets out to the public obviously, but your criticism seems unfairly based in stereotype.

[Frazod]

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment...ntcmp=features

Sorority girl responsible for profane Delta Gamma email resigns after scandal

Published April 25, 2013

A University of Maryland student, who sent a profanity-filled email to her sorority sisters that went viral, has resigned from her role in the Delta Gamma sorority, the organization announced on its website.

“Delta Gamma has accepted the resignation of one of its members whose email relating to a social event has been widely distributed and publicized through social media and traditional media channels,” the statement read.

The now infamous email went viral last week after it began surfacing on several websites. It was also read by actor Michael Shannon in a video for spoof website FunnyOrDie.

In the message sent out to the entire sorority, the writer bashes the members of the Greek group for not socializing with fraternity members at social events and for cheering on opposing teams at sports games.

"ARE YOU F***ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SH*T about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR… TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME?" the email reads.

The writer ends the R-rated message unapologetically: “And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a f***. Go f*** yourself.”

Delta Gamma stated that the email was “highly inappropriate and unacceptable by any standard.”

“No matter who released it to the public or how it reached such a mass audience, the email content should not reflect on any sorority woman in general or any fraternal organization at large,” the sorority stated. “This is a regrettable action by a college junior – a personal email that is now on view for a global audience. And as all reasonable people can agree, this is an email that should never have been sent by its author. Period.”

[gblowfish]

I'll bet she likes to talk dirty in bed...

[Discuss Thrower]

Welp. I guess she should've expected this but it was a bitch move on the part of which one of her sisters leaked this email to the public.

And I'm also guessing she was 100% correct on the reasons why she felt her chapter was ****ing up, but c'est la vie.

[cockeyes]

If you've ever known any sorority girls that email doesn't seem especially crazy

[Discuss Thrower]

Originally Posted by cockeyes

If you've ever known any sorority girls that email doesn't seem especially crazy

A lot of truth here, but their craziness comes out in recruitment usually. If you have to make a rule that you cannot give potential sorority girls ANYTHING to the point you most collect used kleenexes then something's gone wrong.

[ChiefaRoo]

Originally Posted by RunKC

Oh my God this is just beautiful!!! Michael Shannon did a parody of this email.

So funny.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

Oscar!

[DJ's left nut]

Every time I've read that Email I've read it in the voice of Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder.

And yeah, even with a fairly nominal history with sorority girls, I can go ahead and say that this isn't really that crazy. The 'officers' in those cults are frequently completely out of their damn minds.

[gblowfish]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Every time I've read that Email I've read it in the voice of Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder.

Les Grossman was Tom Cruise's greatest character.

[ChiefaRoo]

Originally Posted by RunKC

Oh my God this is just beautiful!!! Michael Shannon did a parody of this email.

So funny.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

[Pitt Gorilla]

Originally Posted by RunKC

Oh my God this is just beautiful!!! Michael Shannon did a parody of this email.

So funny.

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

Well done.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Every time I've read that Email I've read it in the voice of Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder.

And yeah, even with a fairly nominal history with sorority girls, I can go ahead and say that this isn't really that crazy. The 'officers' in those cults are frequently completely out of their damn minds.

This

[suzzer99]

Can't believe they made her resign. Sororities and frats take themselves way way too seriously. Hopefully she goes into screen writing.

[Baby Lee]

Where did this boner come from