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View Poll Results: What do you think of my conspiracy theory?
I think it's quite plausible, and in fact I think it's happening. 5 33.33%
I think it's plausible, but it's not what's happening. North Korea is just crazy. 7 46.67%
I don't think it's plausible, but it's possible, I guess. 2 13.33%
You're spewing nonsense. We're the defenders of democracy, facing down evil. Case closed. 0 0%
I only watch North Korea when they're playing Duke in the NCAA tournament. 1 6.67%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-28-2013, 09:43 PM  
Rain Man Rain Man is online now
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My conspiracy theory regarding North Korea.

If you've been following the news, there's been a lot of saber rattling near the 38th parallel in recent weeks. Looking at North Korea, I don't see any particular reason for this timing, but now we've got U.S. bombers circling over South Korea in holding patterns, and discussions about missiles aimed toward American targets.

Why? Why now?

Here's my conspiracy theory.

North Korea is working toward building a bomb, and they're working toward building missiles. Welcome to the club, but we don't want them in the club.

So take a look at North Korea. It's got a 29 year-old leader whose control is somewhat uncertain, a bunch of military leaders who are probably running the place, and an economy that is not exactly prosperous. They have a massive military, but the scuttlebutt is that they have one week's worth of fuel. After that, every piece of mechanized machinery shuts down.

It's pretty much a given that if they start a war, it'll be over in two weeks, and it won't end in North Korea's favor. Sure, they'll beat the hell out of Seoul and the rest of the south for a week, but do we Americans really mind seeing Hyundai and Kia plants in smoking rubble? And when it's all over, Kim Jong Un is going to be hiding in a plus-sized spider hole somewhere and there are going to be a lot of toppled Kim Il Sung statues. Democracy and capitalism will score a win, a nuclear rogue state will disappear, we'll get to remove the 'north' and 'south' from Korea, and we'll feel good about freeing a bunch of political prisoners and opening a McDonald's in Pyongyang.

Now, China is a bit of a wildcard, as we all remember from our M*A*S*H episodes. But from what we read, they're a bit fed up with North Korea now too, so it's possible that they could sit on the sidelines in this sequel.

So maybe the time is right to poke North Korea with a stick when nobody's looking. We get them all riled up, let them start something, and then pound them down with the troops that conveniently have been pulling out of the Middle East. No more missiles, no more nuclear threat, and hey, we didn't start it. All before they get the bomb.

What do you think?

Last edited by Rain Man; 03-28-2013 at 09:49 PM..
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:47 PM   #2
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Dude, come on man. China will not let us do shit to NK unless they attack first. We don't need a superpower standoff that can spiral out of control.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:50 PM   #3
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Dude, come on man. China will not let us do shit to NK unless they attack first. We don't need a superpower standoff that can spiral out of control.
That's why we get them to attack first. We shrug and bomb, shrug and bomb.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:57 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
If you've been following the news, there's been a lot of saber rattling near the 38th parallel in recent weeks. Looking at North Korea, I don't see any particular reason for this timing, but now we've got U.S. bombers circling over South Korea in holding patterns, and discussions about missiles aimed toward American targets.

Why? Why now?

Here's my conspiracy theory.

North Korea is working toward building a bomb, and they're working toward building missiles. Welcome to the club, but we don't want them in the club.

So take a look at North Korea. It's got a 29 year-old leader whose control is somewhat uncertain, a bunch of military leaders who are probably running the place, and an economy that is not exactly prosperous. They have a massive military, but the scuttlebutt is that they have one week's worth of fuel. After that, every piece of mechanized machinery shuts down.

It's pretty much a given that if they start a war, it'll be over in two weeks, and it won't end in North Korea's favor. Sure, they'll beat the hell out of Seoul and the rest of the south for a week, but do we Americans really mind seeing Hyundai and Kia plants in smoking rubble? And when it's all over, Kim Jong Un is going to be hiding in a plus-sized spider hole somewhere and there are going to be a lot of toppled Kim Il Sung statues. Democracy and capitalism will score a win, a nuclear rogue state will disappear, we'll get to remove the 'north' and 'south' from Korea, and we'll feel good about freeing a bunch of political prisoners and opening a McDonald's in Pyongyang.

Now, China is a bit of a wildcard, as we all remember from our M*A*S*H episodes. But from what we read, they're a bit fed up with North Korea now too, so it's possible that they could sit on the sidelines in this sequel.

So maybe the time is right to poke North Korea with a stick when nobody's looking. We get them all riled up, let them start something, and then pound them down with the troops that conveniently have been pulling out of the Middle East. No more missiles, no more nuclear threat, and hey, we didn't start it. All before they get the bomb.

What do you think?
No. China doesn't want either side to fight. If the US strikes NK, China will defend NK. Incidentally, if the NK strikes the US, China will defend the US.

I also disagree that Kim Jong Un has much to do with this. I think this has a lot more to do with a corrupt, ridiculously overpowerful military rule who refuses to yield any power. I really don't think Kim Jong Un wants to do this, but is somewhat forced to.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:59 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
...All before they get the bomb.

What do you think?
I don't know if this is a flaw in your theory or not, but they already have a bomb.
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:04 PM   #6
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I don't know if this is a flaw in your theory or not, but they already have a bomb.
They do? I must've missed that part.

Well, then my theory will revise to "before they use their bomb".
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:04 PM   #7
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They have the bomb and missiles that can hit Japan on a good day with a solid tailwind and a fair amount of luck.
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:06 PM   #8
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Kim Jong Jr, from what I've read, is struggling to assert authority because he fears a military coup.

I don't think NK strikes South Korea or US targets because if they do China will remove their support. China is really pressing them to not do anything stupid because they know NK would lose and China doesn't want US bases in a country that shares a border with it.
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:12 PM   #9
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They do? I must've missed that part.

Well, then my theory will revise to "before they use their bomb".
That's hypothetical ju jitsu you're doing right there. Nice recovery.

FWIW, they have exploded simple nuclear devices, but I don't think they've demonstrated a delivery capability yet.
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:13 PM   #10
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NK's real objective is for a non-aggression treaty with the US and normal relations, despite the fact we deal with other repellent regimes. But NeoCons want to overthrow it because they could give advance weapons to Israel's foes in the ME. So expect a period of pushing war with NK for awhile so the American people can be scared enough to support another war.
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Old 03-28-2013, 11:46 PM   #11
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Let china rise, as long as this country keeps its current 30-40 year tech advantage intact and keeps its nose into taiwan, south korea.

My reservations about where this nation is going run deeep, nonetheless i'll never truly escape that feeling that somehow, atleast for now, we're still the best option to hold sway in the world... american exeptionalism? it could be called that, atleast the idea is still intact.

Yet its strongly tempered by a growing distrust and disillusionment with our current leadership at every level, on every side of the aisle, across multiple administrations and houses and senates... its ugly, this country is at a massive crossroads right now.

But in the end, china cant have all of korea, the south has been a blue chip investment, no doubt about it... its well worth fighting about.
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:47 AM   #12
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Part of me wonders if NK is doing all this to get the attention on them so someone else, say Iran? Hell I don't know, can sucker punch us.

Something just seems odd about all this...seems different this time.

I really wonder if NK is crazy and dumb enough to try any kind of attack without SOME kind of backing...is that wrong? I don't know.
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Old 03-29-2013, 04:36 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
That's why we get them to attack first. We shrug and bomb, shrug and bomb.
ya, let's go around and get everyone to attack first. because you know, we are a superpower and stuff.

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Old 03-29-2013, 04:38 AM   #14
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ya, let's go around and get everyone to attack first. because you know, we are a superpower and stuff.

Well it worked the first time.
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Old 03-29-2013, 05:12 AM   #15
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