Not yet late night bullshit: prepare to be depressed.

[Direckshun]

From a scouting report in 2008:

Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU

There was one rule that applied before all others for opponents of LSU this season: Find some way to keep Dorsey from destroying the offensive game plan. Few accomplished the feat and those that did were required to devote more than one player to handle the task. Dorsey simply can't be contained one-on-one. He has the awards to illustrate his dominance, as he claimed the Bronko Nagurski Award for defensive player of the year, the Vince Lombardi Award for outstanding lineman and the Outland Trophy as most outstanding interior lineman. As a senior, Dorsey had 64 tackles (39 solo), 11.5 tackles for loss and six sacks while playing the second half of the season with a sore knee. He's explosive off the ball, which helped him consistently collapse the pocket. He's more than just a space eater against the run. He has the speed to shoot gaps and strength to fight through double teams and get to the ball-carrier. He doesn't have long arms, which can let blockers get in on him. But, he still gets off blocks well. The bottom line is he's just more athletic than a man his size should be and what has NFL scouts drooling is he knows how to maximize his physical gifts. With Miami holding the No. 1 pick and in dire need of help to stop the run, there's a good possibility he's the top selection. If the Dolphins pass, he won't last long.

2009:

Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU

At one point during the 2007 season, Jackson was thought to become a first round pick in the NFL Draft if he declined to return to Baton Rouge for his senior year. A disappointing junior campaign, however, left Jackson with a diminished draft stock and convinced him to return to LSU. He recorded only 3.5 sacks (down from 8.5 in his sophomore season) and 4.5 tackles-for-loss. His numbers did explode off the charts in 2008 (4.5 sacks), but that was in part because LSU had so many other future NFL stars making plays on the defensive end of the field. The good news for Jackson is that the NFL will love his physical makeup regardless of his stats. He can carry his 6'5", 292-pound frame through a 40-yard-dash in about 4.8 seconds. Jackson seems even faster than that coming off the end, even though his end speed isn't exactly dominant. His long wing span also comes in handy for wreaking havoc on opposing quarterbacks. Inconsistency is an issue for Jackson, but part of that is due to seeing double-teams from offensive lines. That won't happen to him in the NFL, at least not right away. Furthermore, Jackson should be able to play either end in a 3-4 scheme or tackle in a 3-4, and that versatility is valued in the NFL. Look for Jackson to come off the board in the middle of the first round in this month's draft.

The second-to-last sentence in this one will make you groan:

Alex Magee, DE, Purdue

Alex Magee could join the long line of Boilermaker defenders to make it to the NFL in recent years. Purdue had a disappointing season, but Magee continued to play fairly well. He has bounced back and forth from year to year (and even game to game) between defensive tackle and defensive end while at Purdue. Magee has shown a great deal of versatility during his collegiate career. He has appeared in 50 games during his four years at Purdue. For his career he has registered 117 tackles, 14 tackles for loss, 6 sacks, 4 passes broken up in coverage, 1 interception, and forced 3 fumbles. The key to his draft status will be what position NFL GMs see him playing. He has bulked up to 295 pounds for this season, giving him the size to play defensive end in either a 4-3 or 3-4 defense. Magee's best position however, may be as a pass rushing under tackle, playing next to one of the big NFL space eaters at the nose tackle. Magee also gives teams a big boost in the kicking game. He has some experience lining up as the personal protector for the punter on special teams, and has blocked 3 kicks during his time at Purdue. Time will only tell if Magee's lack of a definite position hurts his stock, or makes him a target of multiple teams with diverse needs. Magee should be able to produce good combine numbers, which should elevate him in many GM's eyes. If he has good workouts, he could hear his name called sometime in the fourth round. Alex Magee was a late add to January's Senior Bowl event. Even though he got there late, Magee was impressive. Many scouts found him to be quicker and more powerful than they had seen on tape. He recorded only 1 tackle during the game. His performance, coupled with the number of teams switching to the 3-4 defense, should help to improve his stock. Because he's an ideal fit at the 3-4 defensive end, he'll likely get drafted higher than he would have if that position wasn't so highly sought after this year. Alex Magee had a solid workout at the NFL Combine. He ran a good time of 5.05 seconds in the 40 yard dash, and showed off adequate strength with his 30 reps of 225 pounds on the bench press. Magee is rising up draft boards because he's very versatile. He's quick enough to be the left end in a 4-3 defense and strong enough to play inside next to a big nose tackle. He also adds value as a 3-4 end prospect. Magee should be drafted somewhere in the third round of the 2009 draft. Alex Magee lowered his 40 yard dash time to an impressive 4.82 seconds at his Pro Day workout. He has been quietly making his case as the second best 3-4 end prospect in the draft behind Tyson Jackson. Magee will likely be selected in the early third round.

If only, folks. There's an alternate timeline somewhere where Dorsey and Jackson are pounding the shit out of backfields and racking up sacks by the dozen.

[Frosty]

2013 Star Lotulelei, DT, Utah

Utah's Star Lotulelei is a dominating run stuffer with the potential to anchor a defensive line for years to come. In a draft class that may include as many as six defensive tackles that could go in the first round, the aptly named star is Lotulelei.

As you might expect of a 6'4", 320 lb player, Lotulelei is very impressive against the run. He can occupy double teams, move the pile, and disengage to take on the ball carrier. Great use of his upper body and hands to gain leverage to push blockers around. Playing with a low pad level is inconsistent because of his height and will require coaching.

Early in his career, he will need to improve his pass rushing techniques. This should come easy to him because he moves well laterally in congested areas. Point being, this may be a coaching issue and not a deficiency. What makes him a special prospect is his aforementioned size and motor. Few players of his stature play to the whistle reliably every play. He flashes a mean streak and definitely looks to wear down his opponents. May begin his career as a two-down player or in a heavy rotation.

Although he fits as a nose tackle in a 3-4 defense, he could play in a 4-3 as well. Many scouts consider him the top prospect available for the 2013 NFL Draft.

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

Tyson Jackson's scouting report definitely does not sound like a top 10 pick, or maybe even a first rounder. He sounds like shit.

[Nightfyre]

Yay, more d-linemen who need to "develop as a pass-rusher" available for our top five picks.

[Direckshun]

Some more:

Turk McBride:

Positives: Has thick muscle mass, with a broad upper frame, muscular arms, wide hips, good bubble and thick thighs … Strong, aggressive defender with impressive upper body strength … Has the quickness and timed speed to explode out of his stance and is the type who goes full speed on every play … Shows good urgency working his way down the line and has the pad level and burst to get quick penetration when he locates the gap … Has just an adequate feel for blocking schemes, but has improved his ability to "read hats" and slip off blocks … Is best served making plays in the move to compensate for a lack of size and bulk working the interior (will get pushed back by double teams), but knows how to use his quickness and hand placement to generate counter moves needed to escape trash … Generates a quick surge off the snap, showing the first step to gain advantage on the blockers … Has a good feel for blocking schemes, using his hands to keep opponents from attacking his feet … Has the functional strength and short-area quickness to flash into the backfield to flush out the quarterback … Takes good angles in pursuit when playing off the line and flattens with a good burst to close … Takes short steps to move through the pile and has enough functional lower body strength to sit and anchor vs. the single block (lacks the size to combat double teams, though) … Brings his hips in attempts to square up and wrap up ball carriers … Plays the game on his feet when on the move and while he lacks the long distance top speed, he has the short-area burst and acceleration to close … Shows urgency getting to the ball and the balance to defeat blocks coming off the edge … Closes with speed and uses his hands effectively to slip past blockers … Keeps very active with his arms when engaging and can quickly adjust to chase, showing an explosive burst when closing … Not really effective as a pass rusher off the edge, but does flash a decent swim move to beat a lethargic blocker (not good as a bull rusher) … When he keeps his hands active, he does an adequate job of creating separation from blockers … Given a free lane, he has enough short-area speed to pressure the pocket … Effective on stunts, taking good angles to the ball (can also slant with proper balance).

Negatives: Played tackle, but seems to struggle too much with multiple blocks to be effective playing inside in a three-technique system and doesn't have the long timed speed to get consistent penetration as an edge rusher … Gets tied up and stuck on double team blocks too much, especially when his initial move does not work … Has the speed to make the chase in lateral pursuit, but lacks the bulk to anchor at the point of attack or get stout to neutralize the inside rush lanes … Gets pushed around when trying to split blocks and while he can handle one-on-one action, he doesn't generate the hand punch to counter multiple blockers … Has to develop stronger arm swipes to prevent blockers from stranding him at the line of scrimmage (active with his hands, but his weight room strength fails to translate to the field) … Tends to get too tall in his stance and narrow in his base, making it easy for blockers to attack him low and ride him off … Shows good urgency in his play, but will over-pursue at times and lacks the plant-and-drive agility to recover and get back into the play … Undersized tackle who needs to keep his hands active in order to beat blocks (lacks bulk and strength to obliterate blockers) … More of a wrap-up tackler, but you would like to see more explosion behind his hits (will take a side at times and is not consistent in driving the ball carrier back) … Needs to do a better job reading the pre-snap, as he is prone to costly offside penalties.

Compares To: MONTAE REAGOR-Indianapolis … McBride lacks the bulk and brute strength to split double teams working at tackle, and lacks the sustained speed to be an effective edge rusher. Like Reagor, he plays with a high motor and it is his versatility that will earn him a roster spot. He has the potential to be a good situational player, but he doesn't have the power you look for at the point of attack. His good hand usage lets him slip single blocks and he shows a good spin move to be effective on outside stunts.

Tank Tyler:

DeMarcus Tyler, DT, North Carolina State

DeMarcus Tyler was a three year starter at defensive tackle for North Carolina State. Tyler played along side last year's number one pick, Mario Williams. Based on his imposing, large frame and exceptional upper body strength, he has been tagged with the nickname "Tank". Tyler is very physical at the line of scrimmage and utilizes his superior upper body strength to quickly shed blockers, fill the running lanes and "pound" the ball carrier. He has a quick first step which helps him explode in the backfield, typically resulting in negative yardage for the offense. Tyler is not much of a threat when it comes to the pass rush, but his girth and strength often requires a "double team", which opens up sack opportunities for his teammates. His speed is below average; therefore, he lacks the pursuit speed to chase down the ball carrier or quarterback. His work ethic and conditioning are a question mark, resulting in his lack of stamina late in the game. Tyler is not a playmaker on the line of scrimmage, but with a talented support cast surrounding him, he should be a very effective run stopper at the next level. He is arguably one of the top defensive tackles in the draft and placed with the right system and coaching staff, he could have a successful pro career. Tyler could possibly be a late first round pick in the draft, but is likely to go early in the second round.

[Direckshun]

Our starting defensive line in an alternate universe:

DE: Dorsey, McBride
NT: Poe, Tyler
DE: Jackson, Magee

Totally impregnable.

[Frosty]

Originally Posted by Nightfyre

Yay, more d-linemen who need to "develop as a pass-rusher" available for our top five picks.

Well, they took one at #5 and again at #3 so it definitely seems worth it to take one at #1. It's gotta work this time, right?

[Frosty]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Our starting defensive line in an alternate universe:

DE: Dorsey, McBride
NT: Poe, Tyler
DE: Jackson, Magee

Totally impregnable.

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank!!!!

[notorious]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Our starting defensive line in an alternate universe:

DE: Dorsey, McBride
NT: Poe, Tyler
DE: Jackson, Magee

Totally impregnable.

They are still impregnable.


A person can not be impregnated while being anally raped.

[mnchiefsguy]

Hind sight is 20/20. The draft always has the element of chance to it. No need to rehash the past.

[threebag02]

Sam Montgomery

[notorious]

****, just throw Eric Hick's draft sheet up there so we can have a good laugh and cry.

[Direckshun]

You want to know how much of a battered wife I am?

I'd still take Star Lotulelei.

[Nightfyre]

Montgomery would have to put on 30 pounds to play DE in a 3-4. I just don't see that happening when he has basically already been on an NFL strength and conditioning program at LSU.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by mnchiefsguy

Hind sight is 20/20. The draft always has the element of chance to it. No need to rehash the past.

What? No, **** that.

It goes back even further to the Ryan Sims and Junior Siavii days. This franchise has totally dropped the ball on multiple 1st-3rd round picks on fat ****s that waste space. We'll continue to talk about it until we draft a defensive lineman worth a shit.