Who would win in a fight to the death between Simply Red and Zach?

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

The setting:

Small, enclosed arena with no exits. Enough room to maneuver, but not quite enough room for someone just to run away from their opponent.

The weapons:

Each contestant is armed with a heavy rubber mallet and a small flask of hydrochloric acid.





The rules:

There are no rules.

A small crowd of CP spectators watches through mirrored windows.

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

Originally Posted by Shogun

Also, what is the weather like? Is it storming?

It's 108 degrees. The spectators are air conditioned, however.

Originally Posted by lewdog

Is a bathroom break involved? If not, I could definitely see piss and feces becoming a large part in this fight.

Every 20 minutes each contestant may relieve themselves through a small hole in the wall. However, each hole is a portal to the other hole. Kind of like this:



Be careful what you stick in the hole.

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

Originally Posted by Lumpy

Are there midgets?

(This is important)

The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

[Shogun]

Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning

It's 108 degrees. The spectators are air conditioned, however.



Every 20 minutes each contestant may relieve themselves through a small hole in the wall. However, each hole is a portal to the other hole. Kind of like this:



Be careful what you stick in the hole.

woah woah woah here. Spectators? So there will be windows?

[threebag02]

Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning

The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

You just pissed FrankoTank way the **** off.

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

Originally Posted by Shogun

woah woah woah here. Spectators? So there will be windows?

As the OP states:

A small crowd of CP spectators watches through mirrored windows.

[Lumpy]

Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning

The Official Chiefsplanetiseum Rulebook CLEARLY states NO MIDGETS.

That's just bullshit.

[Iowanian]

If SR could work up a kick to the head, he'd surely temporarily blind Zach with freshly polished loafers shined to perfection with a touch of lemon zest.

[something cooler]

Out of these two, who balls the hardest?

[Dave]

SR, because I heard Zach has a vagina.

[threebag02]

Reds the ****ing Baller Brah

[Shogun]

Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning

As the OP states:

shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless? if so. I think we should do this. Cover them in egg yolk and and whites. scatter a ton of flour all over the room. after they wrestle and one of them are dead. the winner must collect all of the dough that they made during wrestling to the death, they must bake some bread with the dough and feed it to scott *****

[SNR]

Originally Posted by Shogun

shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless? if so. I think we should do this. Cover them in egg yolk and and whites. scatter a ton of flour all over the room. after they wrestle and one of them are dead. the winner must collect all of the dough that they made during wrestling to the death, they must bake some bread with the dough and feed it to scott *****

[KcMizzou]

I'll take Zach. He's a former offensive lineman. He'd pancake SR when SR told him he was wearing the wrong shoes for autumn.

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

Originally Posted by Shogun

shiiiiii.......... there gonna be BUCKETS of sweat from this scenario. not sure if it was stated, but are the men shirtless?

Each gladiator is clad only in officially sanctioned tournament wear.



It may not be removed.

[threebag02]

Originally Posted by KcMizzou

I'll take Zach. He's a former offensive lineman. He'd pancake SR when SR told him he was wearing the wrong shoes for autumn.

So Zach is wearing white cleats?