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Old 01-26-2009, 12:59 PM  
ChiTown ChiTown is offline
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UHHHH. Ok

So, I work on the 2nd floor of an office complex in Wichita. The 2nd floor has business's like insurance, investment, energy, etc. The 3rd floor is primarily for hair salons, massage therapy, photography, and the like.

Right above my office, there is a hair salon that I go to out of sheer convenience. Earlier today, I hear music blaring above me - fkg rap - and I can't figure wtf is going on. I let it play out for about 10 minutes and then it just starts to fkn annoy me. I'm trying to have a phone conversation and I'm hearing Lil Whayne in the background

Anyhoo, I walk up to the 3rd floor salon, and there are no lights on. Initially, I thought maybe they might have some construction workers doing something for them, since they are closed on Monday's - but, where's the lights?. I knock on the door - no answer. I then proceed to walk in and turn the corner to the salon area. And then, I see it. There is a woman, buck naked, blowing a guy in a barber chair. The dude makes eye contact with me.

ChiTown "Uhh, sorry bout that".

Dude: "Uuh, Uuh, babe" (and points at me)

Chick (turning around to see what it is): "F*&^!" (and makes some guttural shrieking noise, while trying to cover herself up)

That's the some total of that conversation. Ok, here's where it get's weird.

A. Fkg lock the gdamn door next time you dumbfug's

B. Chick = Owner of the Salon

C. Dude does not equal her husband, whom I have met before

D. Chick = Gal who cuts my hair

E. I have an appointment with her to cut my hair on Friday

Before you ask, yes, she has a very nice ass, and a decent set of knockers. I have totally blocked out any image of the man's penis. I need a drink.........
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:20 PM   #106
ChiTown ChiTown is offline
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I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later today
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ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:25 PM   #107
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Did you get a free head massage?
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:26 PM   #108
loochy loochy is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later today

Oh come on man. You've got us here on the edges of our seats and you say wait until later. You are just as bad as an NBA game with all its timeouts in the last minute.
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:27 PM   #109
DaKCMan AP DaKCMan AP is offline
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Did you get free head?
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:29 PM   #110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later today
You bastard! You'd better not leave us in the lurch for too long.
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:54 PM   #111
Mr. Kansasski Mr. Kansasski is offline
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C'mon us fellow Wichititians need to know!!!
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Mr. Kansasski is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.Mr. Kansasski is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:04 PM   #112
88TG88 88TG88 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later today
If you're messing with us this will not end well.
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:08 PM   #113
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Originally Posted by 88TG88 View Post
If you're messing with us this will not end well.
Not at all,...quick let's gather some of the "regulators" um sorry supporters....the athletic ones........
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:40 PM   #114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
I don't have time to type it out, but suffice it to say, the haircut humored me.

I'll hit you back later today
The amazing story...

AFTER THESE MESSAGES
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:16 PM   #115
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The amazing story...

AFTER THESE MESSAGES
The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. Film at 11.
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:49 PM   #116
Extra Point Extra Point is offline
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"Film at 11."

That's a scary thought. What time was his appointment?
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:55 PM   #117
ChiTown ChiTown is offline
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Alrighty then.................

So, I have a message on my office phone this morning - it's from Chick.

Chick leaves a message that she is confirming said haircut for this morning at 11am, and that she would like to speak to me prior to that, if possible. Ah, shit. Look, I really don't give a F about her explanation, I'm just hopeful I can get her to cut my hair nude, in my office. Anyway, I oblige, and she comes down to my office around 9am this morning. Chick knocks on my door, and she comes into my office. Now, generally, she wears rather revealing clothes to show off her rack, but not today. Chick was in full Schoolmarm garb. LOL.

She has this whole, I know I got caught with a cock on my mouth, look on her face, and it's making me very uncomfortable - mainly because it wasn't my cock. She proceeds to tell me that she and her husband have been having marital issues. Really, I'd have never guessed. I mean, I just figured she was using the guy in the barber chair to scratch her itchy tonsils. Well, chick proceeds to piss and moan like I'm her girlfriend. I look at my watch, hoping she'll take the hint. Backfire, she then turns on the eye faucets.

Chick - "I'm not a slut!"

ChiTown (looking about uncomfortably) - "No Problem"

Chick - "I'm not!"

Chi - "ok"

Chick - "You should have knocked!"

Chi - "I did, and you should have locked the door"

Chick - "I'm so EMBARRASSED"

Chi - "Yeah, well, if it's any consolation, you have a nice ass"

Chick - (more tears)

Chi - "alright, well I guess I'll see you at 11?" (knock, knock, knock)

OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.

Chi - "Hey"

Wife - "........................."

Chi - "you ready to go?"

Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"

Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.

Chi - "We're going to be late"

Wife - "**** You! What was that all about?"

Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.

Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." ****! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!

Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)

OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.

Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"

Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)

Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"

Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"

This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....

Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"

Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)

Chi - "Hun?"

Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)

Swellsville. **** it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.

Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"

Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?



Chi - "No. Not until that marriage wrecking, cock sucker leaves your salon"

Phone Hooker - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I don't understand (click)
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ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.ChiTown has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:58 PM   #118
Pestilence Pestilence is offline
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HOLY. SHIT.

That did not go like I expected it to go.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:03 PM   #119
Rain Man Rain Man is online now
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While I'm sorry to hear that it's destroying your marriage, I have to guffaw at the situation. You've had a knack for bad timing this week.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 01-30-2009, 04:05 PM   #120
DaneMcCloud DaneMcCloud is offline
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Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper
Mistake #1.

I've said here before and I'll say it again: Hairdressers are nearly synonymous with strippers. I've even known hairdressers that strip on amateur nights.

My current hairdresser wears high heels, short shorts and totally tight shirts to show off her fake tits. As a matter of fact, the entire salon is filled with women dressed exactly the same.
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