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Old 09-25-2005, 09:00 AM  
Frankie Frankie is offline
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Clean jokes can be funny too!
Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.
Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
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Old 02-22-2017, 02:10 PM   #781
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:04 AM   #782
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:46 AM   #783
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A professor of linguistics was teaching an introductory course in his field, and felt that the students were indifferent and cold to what it was they were learning. He wanted to excite them about linguistics. So towards the end of a lecture one day, he made this passionate and intriguing point:

"In the English language, a double negative equals a statement in the affirmative. There are some languages such as Russian, where a double negative equals a statement in the negative. However, is it not fascinating that in ALL of the world's thousands of known languages, there does not exist a single case of a language where a double positive can equal a negative?"

This prompted one of the students to roll his eyes and say, "Pfft. Yeah, right."
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:56 AM   #784
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Old 03-16-2017, 02:34 PM   #785
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:47 PM   #786
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A duck, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks: "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
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Old 04-21-2024, 06:22 PM   #787
Holladay Holladay is offline
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Old thread that has been buried. It can be resurrected.

A politician was campaigning in a rural district trying to elicit support. In a small town, he ran into the towns' Mayor. He asked "I am trying to help, what are your two main issues you are having problems with and I will try to solve them.

The Mayor said "We have a new hospital with no new Doctors."

"No problem" stated the politician. He immediately got on his cell phone, made a few calls then stated "I've got it taken care of. In two weeks I have a Doctor coming in."

The Mayor stated, "That is great".

The politician then asked, "What is your second problem for me to solve?"

Mayor says "We have no cell service"
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Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Holladay Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 04-21-2024, 06:33 PM   #788
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An oldie, but goodie. I am sure it is buried from the past years threads.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911.
"My friend is dead! What should I do?"
The operator replies, "Calm down, sir.
I can help.
First make sure that he's dead."
There's a silence, then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the guy says,
"OK, now what?"
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Old 04-21-2024, 06:38 PM   #789
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I referenced this thread years ago to come up with material to entertain our kids for the 6 hours long road trip for the family camping/canoeing trips.
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Old 04-21-2024, 06:55 PM   #790
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This joke was Jimmy Stewarts favorite joke.

A man and his wife were having breakfast. Margret said to John, "If I would die, would you get married right away?"

John stated "That is the darnest thing to ask, here we are having breakfast on this wonderful morning and you bring up this horrible question about death, I am not going to talk to you about this. Forget about it."

Well she didn't forget about it and brought it up again later that night. John stated his same response. This went of for 3 days. With the same question..."If I die, would you remarry?"

Finally, he gave up and said "yes, does that settle the question?" Margret then asked, "Would you sell the house?" "No, no I wouldn't sell the house". "Would you sell our bed?" "No, it is our bed, no".

"Well you wouldn't let her touch my golf clubs." "No, of course not, she is left handed."
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Old 04-21-2024, 07:16 PM   #791
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A Ronald Reagan joke.

A Priest and a Politician died and together and met with Saint Peter. He scanned through the formalities and took them to show where quarters were to be.

He took them to a small room with a bed, desk, chair and a candle. He said this is where the clergyman would stay.

This bothered the Politician on what might be in store for him. He couldn't have imagined when they stopped outside a beautiful mansion with many grounds and servants and stated that these would be his quarters.

The Politician couldn't believe it and had to ask "How can I have a mansion and the good and holy man clergyman only gets a small room?"

St Peter said "You have to understand how the things are up here. We have thousands and thousands of clergyman up here, but you are the first Politician to make it here".
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Old 04-22-2024, 12:09 AM   #792
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Old 04-22-2024, 07:23 AM   #793
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A blonde goes to the bank and asks to take out a loan. The loan officer asks how much she wants to borrow and she says $100. He asks for how long and she says 30 days. He kind of scoffs at this silliness, but he runs her credit and she has no credit. He tells her that with no credit the interest rate would be very high, like 20%, and that she'd have to leave collateral. The blonde asked what collateral was and then asked if her Ferrari would be ok as collateral. The banker nearly spits up his coffee, but tells her that yes, her Ferrari would work just fine. He checks the title on the vehicle and it is a clear title, so he agrees to the loan. She asks if the car will be safe and he assures her that they will take very good care of the vehicle, so she signs the documents and hands over the keys as he hands her $100. She thanks him and leaves.

Thirty days later she shows up at the bank again and sits down with the loan officer and repays the loan with 20% interest. He smiles as he hands her the keys to the car and thanks her for her business. As she stands up to go he stopped her and told her that he just had to ask why she would put up such a valuable car as collateral on such a small loan. She told him that she didn't need the loan, but that she had been called out of town on business for a month and that she didn't have anywhere to park her car and didn't want to pay for storage. She said paying $20 to the bank to keep her car safe was the cheapest and easiest way to get it done.
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Old 04-22-2024, 12:55 PM   #794
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No way she was blonde
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Old 04-22-2024, 01:00 PM   #795
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The people from Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people from Abu Dhabi do.
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