What can I do?

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

From what you say, it sounds like these kids would have no chance in their current situation.

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

[threebag]

Originally Posted by Zeke

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

Do as you and your wifes heart leads you, you may be the light at the end of the tunnel. in the end you will be one of the luckist families for sure

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by KC native

This.

Most states give support to people who take in children that aren't theirs (Texas which isn't the most generous on welfare does this so I imagine Missouri does too).

If the kids have any kind of mental health or health issues, look into social security disability payments. Be cautious in this area because if you receive payments for something like ADHD that will follow the kids through school. Some teachers just excuse everything and don't hold kids accountable once they get that diagnosis.

To be eligible for SSDI payments, he will have fall below a certain income threshold, even if the children are legitimately disabled.

[Halfcan]

One way or another you will need both parents to give you full custody of the children. If they do not show up for court-I think they waive their rights as long as they were legally served. You will have to go through the legal adoption process. There are a lot of websites showing the process, church and charity programs that can help with the cost. Do everything by the book and it will save a lot of drama and problems down the road.

As far as the lady wanting to keep a kid only for benefits- that is bullshit. Keep all the kids together-they need each other.

You will grow old surrounded by lots of children, grand children, love and laughter. It will be tough financially in the near future, but will be worth it in the long run.

Best of luck!!

[MIAdragon]

I have two girls, if I can send you any of their outgrown clothes/Toys ect please let me know. What you're thinking about doing is awesome. I have my girls volunteer in a youth home once a week, while its better than being in a neglected abusive environment its nowhere near being with family.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by tooge

Start a Gofundme campaign. KCNut will help out

Haha, nah... like i said... we're good there. I have a nice house in OP, my kids might not be happy with the sleeping arrangements but that's the least of the concerns here.

The other issue, that I left out... is that if the junkie mom gets caught up to by the State, these kids are going to end up in the system immediately. So we're kind of on a time crunch.

[KC native]

Originally Posted by threebag02

If you and the kids have to work through something like ADD or any other behavior disorder, the school shouold build a plan to aid their education. Don't be afraid of it there is a lot of help out there, good luck.

Should and will are the operative words there.

The ex works with kids on felony probation and mental health issues. She has had to help families get SSI payments for this type of stuff.

Sometimes once the diagnosis is in place, the schools get really lazy about trying to come up with a solution and say, "Well the kid has XYZ disability we've done what we can." while shoving them in classes or programs that don't address their needs.

If the compensation is needed, then it is needed and don't be afraid to go for it. Just be cautious on marginal issues because once you start receiving the payments/diagnosis, it can be detrimental to the kid.

[Oxford]

Originally Posted by Zeke

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

Zeke, you are a better man than I am. Not sure I would have the guts to do what you and your wife are contemplating. I would talk to your pastor, they may have some insight on what needs to be done, although legal advice would best come from an attorney. Make sure find one that specializes in this and has done what you propose. Interview the client that had this done so you can get a feel for what is coming.

God bless you and yours

[KC native]

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

To be eligible for SSDI payments, he will have fall below a certain income threshold, even if the children are legitimately disabled.

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

[Prison Bitch]

Before going to State agencies, apply for a Costco card

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by Prison Bitch

Before going to State agencies, apply for a Costco card

LOL we get Sam's Club through my work!

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by KC native

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

Ya I think this is what we're just gonna do.

Thanks everyone for the insight and comments!

[ModSocks]

Originally Posted by Prison Bitch

Just take them in and worry about $ later. Living is cheap, 2 can live as cheap as 1 and 8 can live as cheap as 4. You'll find a way, poor people have managed to survive for millions of years. I was one of 7 children and I don't recall ever needing anything

This. Good advice from PB for once. You'll be surprised how far you can stretch a dollar when you absolutely need to.

[luv]

Best bet for advice is to find a family law attorney. I'm not sure if they are hourly based or contingency based (more than likely to offer a free consultation if they are contingency based). If you're unsure of who to call, I can see if I can find the number of the local bar association up there. I know the one in Springfield has a referral line. Just call, tell them the situation, and they'll refer you to someone who can best help. If money is an issue, I'm sure most attorneys in this area of law accept payment plans. I know several in this area do.

Best of luck, and good on you.

[Prison Bitch]

Rather than answering "What can he do", maybe we should ask "what can we do?" and PayPal you some loose change. I'll send you $25 if you PM an address. I'm pretty sure you're not making this up