This sucks..Divorce. What is the best Online "D" site to use?

[Holladay]

Been married for 24 yrs. 2 kids (18 son and 20 daughter), he is going Ks Nat Guard/KU(Pit St) ROTC route to be an officer, she graduates in 3 yrs, major int'l studies (whatever that is) minor bus minor soc.

Wife is German, met whilst in the Army Frankfurt. Did Desert Storm etc . Left Army as Capt and started my own bus. You look back, the hand writing is on the wall.

To get married, I called the Justice of the Peace in E-town (outside Ft Knox)..what does it take to get married. 30 min, $50. Put me down for 1:00pm next day. Next call was to an attourney...what does it take to get divorced. Uncontested...$200 and 30 min. Done. Married..1992.

She is a firecracker...good and bad. Smart and a Neat Freak. Through the yrs there have been many issues. Won't go into them yet. Asked a client which happens to be a Judge, years ago about keeping the kids (after wife went weirdo and put her hand through a glass window). Judge said no way to get kids???

Years flash forward. Stuff happens...small. We have talked D.

Last couple points. She was away in Germany for a month. She is, as mentioned before, a neat freak. I built a stairway into her loft (major deal), sweep, mop, dust, the whole house...cleaned the toilets. First thing she says when she comes home was "you didn't clean the microwave".

Last night, I asked if we could snuggle for a bit. ( We don't sleep in the same room, I snore) She didn't answer, later went up to her room and she is watching a internet German Soap Opera in bed. I asked which is more important...soap or snuggle. Soap. Last straw.

Thus this post.

So, this type of stuff has happened through years and am done. I have 20 yrs left (aged 52) and don't want to do this anymore...

She doesn't love me, I want to and do...but can't. 2 way street. Thus the D word.

Really don't want it to get nasty, nor her. I found a on-line D site. You fill out the forms and take it to a judge.

Which is the best one?

I wanna have fun my next 20 yrs( sex 3 times thus far this year) , not be bitched at. Kids are gone, thus that issue is mute.

Thoughts?

Sorry, I need to see Jamal have more carries to see if he can carry the rock full time. NOW it is a football thread.

Thanks

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

Separate bedrooms should have told you everything you need to know

My parents sleep in separate bedrooms and they've been married for over 40 years. My Mom can't sleep with my Dad's snoring....so my Dad moved into a different room so she could.

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by Anyong Bluth

Not true. Buying into "what should be" based upon other's idea of a relationship or you see on TV is equally bad in poisoning a relationship with expectations and a sense of missing or failure.

Separate bedrooms used to be quite normal. It could be an indicator of problems or simply 2 people who have a sleeping arrangement so they both can get a good night's rest.

He already said he has snoring problems. If the other person is a light sleeper, and most nights is disturbed and woken up, do you think that might not result in them being more cranky if they are woken up night after night?

I understand.

What I meant was that would have told me it was over.

[Halfcan]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

if I wasn't in love with my better half I wouldn't be with her.

I don't need a partnership. It's not a business. But she happens to be my business partner also. We are in the same place over 90% of the time I would say.


If I didn't love her she probably wouldn't be alive, .

Not serious, but maybe lol

You should have her post for you as well-I am sure she is not as ignorant as you.

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by Halfcan

You should have her post for you as well-I am sure she is not as ignorant as you.

.

Good one.


Who came up with it? Your tweaker girlfriend or her husband?

[Prison Bitch]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

if I wasn't in love with my better half I wouldn't be with her.

I don't need a partnership. It's not a business. But she happens to be my business partner also. We are in the same place over 90% of the time I would say.


If I didn't love her she probably wouldn't be alive, .

Not serious, but maybe lol

I wasn't saying you don't deserve love or that you don't have to give love. I'm referring to the mature kind of love that's patient, and who helps the spouse through a life threatening illness or calamities in the extended family, and goes to funerals and baptisms and that stuff - not 2 love birds batting eyes at each other and kissing in public constantly.


If a couple has both aspects, great! But marriages can and do survive with mature love even if the teen, heart pounding stuff is long gone

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by Prison Bitch

I wasn't saying you don't deserve love or that you don't have to give love. I'm referring to the mature kind of love that's patient, and who helps the spouse through a life threatening illness or calamities in the extended family, and goes to funerals and baptisms and that stuff - not 2 love birds batting eyes at each other and kissing in public constantly.


If a couple has both aspects, great! But marriages can and do survive with mature love even if the teen, heart pounding stuff is long gone

But that's not really what you said...

[Prison Bitch]

I guess id just ask you what you think when someone says "we're in love!"

Which type of love - as I contrasted - comes to mind first?

[Spott]

If you can come to a mutual agreement on everything and write up the terms yourself, you will both save a ton of money on the divorce. If you argue over anything, then lawyers get involved and everyone ends up pissing away a bunch of money and the attorneys make out like bandits.

I was extremely lucky and was able to do my divorce this way, so the whole thing ended up costing a couple of hundred bucks in filing fees and that was it.

[Holladay]

He already said he has snoring problems. If the other person is a light sleeper, and most nights is disturbed and woken up, do you think that might not result in them being more cranky if they are woken up night after night?]

I just found out that I have Sleep Apnia. I got the results back from the sleep lab. I wake up 79 times per hour. I will get more info later. I guess they want to run some more tests. BTW, they have a test you can take at home in your own bed. Now I know why I am so tired all the time. I had attributed to age/weight (5'9" 185 lbs), lack of activity.

I will cross post this on the Sleep Apnia thread.

[Abba-Dabba]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

if I wasn't in love with my better half I wouldn't be with her.

I don't need a partnership. It's not a business. But she happens to be my business partner also. We are in the same place over 90% of the time I would say.


If I didn't love her she probably wouldn't be alive, .

Not serious, but maybe lol

So many things come before love in a healthy long term successful relationship IMO.

Compromise, compassion, accepting their faults, respect. We could go on and on. Point is, you can love the the person all you want. If you can't accept the person for their faults. Because we all have them. If you can't compromise with that person. If you can't have compassion for them. If you have a lack of respect for them. That love will only last so long.

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by RubberSponge

So many things come before love in a healthy long term successful relationship IMO.

Compromise, compassion, accepting their faults, respect. We could go on and on. Point is, you can love the the person all you want. If you can't accept the person for their faults. Because we all have them. If you can't compromise with that person. If you can't have compassion for them. If you have a lack of respect for them. That love will only last so long.

All true.

The post I was responding to basically acted as though love didn't matter, it's a partnership.

Loving someone helps with the compromising, compassion, and respecting when you're with them day in and day out for years.

[Prison Bitch]

Originally Posted by RubberSponge

So many things come before love in a healthy long term successful relationship IMO.

Compromise, compassion, accepting their faults, respect. We could go on and on. Point is, you can love the the person all you want. If you can't accept the person for their faults. Because we all have them. If you can't compromise with that person. If you can't have compassion for them. If you have a lack of respect for them. That love will only last so long.

Yep. It's why there are so many divorces: people think marriage is about that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach when you first meet, or the first kiss or early passion. It's. Not. "But the love is gone man!" That always means they feel no spark - but love is usually still there if they seek it.


If you took 2 common phrases and asked people what their first impressions are, what would they be:

1) We're in love
2) I love my wife

[bevischief]

It comes do to this are you happy? So make a decision and go with it. Check around on costs. Life is too short. Be happy.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Spott

If you can come to a mutual agreement on everything and write up the terms yourself, you will both save a ton of money on the divorce. If you argue over anything, then lawyers get involved and everyone ends up pissing away a bunch of money and the attorneys make out like bandits.

I was extremely lucky and was able to do my divorce this way, so the whole thing ended up costing a couple of hundred bucks in filing fees and that was it.

That's impressive. I always thought something like this seemed possible, but I hadn't heard about anyone pulling it off. Maybe we only tend to hear about the combative divorces and not the easy ones.

And Holladay, sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you can achieve a quick and painless solution.

[SAUTO]

I will say this thread has made me thankful for what I have.


Thanks guys.