This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[DaNewGuy]

Don't know if its been posted but a neighbor in my complex works at this tranny burger place and she was telling me about some drag queen who apparntly ****ed this lady up with her fake tits and she's suing IT'S in daytona

[Baby Lee]

Originally Posted by DaNewGuy

Don't know if its been posted but a neighbor in my complex works at this tranny burger place and she was telling me about some drag queen who apparntly ****ed this lady up with her fake tits and she's suing IT'S in daytona

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/r...-queens-breast

[Mike in SW-MO]

Originally Posted by Baby Lee

They were stress testing?

Over live traffic?

Before the central tension suspension installed?

WTF?!?!

May have been an edit after you read the article, but this is telling:

Late Thursday, came the first definitive word from a government official about what was being done on the bridge when it fell. U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, R-FL, said in a Twitter post that: “The cables that suspend the #Miami bridge had loosened & the engineering firm ordered that they be tightened. They were being tightened when it collapsed today.”

If the suspending cables pass through the concrete, makes me wonder if they snapped during the tests & the whole structure was tgen supported by just the concrete.

Great shades of the T-Dance skywalk collapse.

[Baby Lee]

Originally Posted by Mike in SW-MO

May have been an edit after you read the article, but this is telling:

Late Thursday, came the first definitive word from a government official about what was being done on the bridge when it fell. U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, R-FL, said in a Twitter post that: “The cables that suspend the #Miami bridge had loosened & the engineering firm ordered that they be tightened. They were being tightened when it collapsed today.”

If the suspending cables pass through the concrete, makes me wonder if they snapped during the tests & the whole structure was tgen supported by just the concrete.

Great shades of the T-Dance skywalk collapse.

It doesn't look to be a support problem in the sense most think.
It's looking to be a problem of lay construction crew not realizing the consequence of their actions.
This is post-tensioned concrete, and while the tensioning steel was probably well-rated to carry the load asked of it under the construction plan, it had a brittle failure when the construction plan was altered in a way that placed the tensioning steel under unforeseen stress.

The best lay analogy I can think of if you tried to winch your friend's car out of a ditch. Suppose you use the appropriate winch and attach it at the approropriate points, but you don't notice that there is a curb at the edge of the ditch that the wheels have to travel over. Then, when the wheels hit the curb they snag, you're suddenly lifting the entire car off the ground, placing exponentially higher stress on the configuration than you would be simply pulling the car up an incline out of the ditch.

The original plans were for the moving supports to distribute the load differently, and the alteration created a high-stress area in the span while it was being placed. Then they noticed the flexion and sought to correct it by tightening the tension steel. This put the steel into failure range, but the gauges couldn't tell the worker's that, because as the tension steel approaches brittle failure, it stretches slightly so that additional tension doesn't create additional pressure, kind of like a rubber band at the end of its elastic range.

The failure to see the consequence of the change in construction plans is one thing, the decision to attempt to repair while suspended over active traffic is another entirely.

[displacedinMN]

But she is not a whack job.
Florida woman 'marries' tree to protest development
http://www.kcci.com/article/florida-...ve-it/19610399 (cant get video to embed)

Posted: 12:55 p.m. Monday, March 26, 2018

There was a lot of news this past weekend, so you might have missed that item about the Florida woman who married a tree.
It happened Saturday in Fort Myers, and it appeared to be a rather traditional wedding, complete with a ring bearer, a bride in a white gown, flowers, music, and a wedding cake that had the words, “Higher Love” on it.

It was an outdoor wedding, which I guess happens a lot when one of the participants is a tree, especially a giant ficus tree with an 8,000-square-foot canopy.

The bride, Karen Cooper, married the tree three days before its fate was scheduled to be decided by the city’s Beautification Advisory Board, according to the Fort Myers News-Press.

The city had earmarked $13,000 to chop down the 100-year-old tree because even though it was planted on public property, its roots and branches had meandered onto a piece of private land which was the subject of a sale, the newspaper reported.

Cooper, like many of her neighbors, have enjoyed the shade and look of the big tree in Snell Family Park. After the city’s public works department gave the green light on removal, Cooper took matters into her own hands.

Would she? Yes, she wood.

She vowed to be faithful to the tree until death do them part. Which could be Tuesday.

“If they cut down this tree, I’m going to be a widow,” Cooper told the newspaper, sounding very much like the sappy one in this relationship.

Then again, her limb beau is in limbo.

It’s not the first time a Florida woman has turned to marriage with a non-human partner to make a point.

Seven years ago, shortly after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in the landmark Citizens United case that corporations have new rights that had previously only been available to people, Sarah “Echo” Steiner of Lake Worth announced that she was looking to marry a corporation.

“It would be an open marriage,” Steiner said. “I don’t think I could keep a whole corporation satisfied.”

Steiner, a former co-chair of the Green Party of Florida, said she’d be weighing how her corporate suitors behaved “in past mergers” and that, yes, she was looking forward to having “subsidiaries” some day.

Compared to a corporation, a tree seems like a much more suitable partner.

If Cooper’s wedding ceremony ends up stalling or eliminating the tree’s demise to the big wood chipper in the sky, this could turn out to be one of those precedent-setting stories.

Not that the state of Florida would recognize such a marriage. But if conducting a symbolic public wedding turns out to be a cure for saving endangered elements of Florida’s natural beauty, there’s no telling where this will lead.

As in, “Mom and Dad, I would like you to meet the man-atee in my life.”

Or, “By the power invested in me by the Audubon Society, you may now peck the beak of the Florida grasshopper sparrow.”

Estuaries and wetlands will be snapped up like Palm Beach trust-fund race-car drivers. And the label of “tree hugger” will no longer be a strong enough expression to describe these new nuptials.

Let’s face it, women can do a lot worse than marrying a tree. Florida has the seventh-highest divorce rate in the country, and for those who are married three times, the divorce rate in that third marriage is about 73 percent.

So rather than looking for Mr. Right on try No. 4, it might be worth transitioning to something deciduous rather than duplicitous.

Sure, there are disadvantages. Trees never pick up after themselves. And who wants shrubs at your age, or a 100-year-old spouse with no sign of dying anytime soon?

But if you’re into the strong, silent type who will always be there, no matter which way the wind blows, well, then you might be ready for a tree.

Good luck, Mrs. Ficus. We’re rooting for you very mulch.

[gblowfish]

All I can say is...YIKES!
A Florida woman reportedly in a “romantic sexual relationship” with her brother was charged after giving birth to his baby, officials said. Pauline Elizabeth Martin, 33, told investigators she and her brother were living as a couple in Groveland when she became pregnant with his child, the Orlando Sentinel reported. Authorities said they began investigating the woman, who is a McDonald’s cashier, after the baby was born Nov. 21 with “severe medical problems.” The newborn was immediately transferred to get specialized care at Winnie Palmer Hospital for Children in Orlando, where genetic testing revealed the parents were related, the Daily Commercial reported. Neither parent completed the information .

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/e90cbcd...%E2%80%99.html

[displacedinMN]

A woman in Florida who was arrested on suspicion of drug possession claimed cocaine found on her must have flown into her purse because it was a windy day.

Kennecia Posey, 26, said she had no idea how the drug was found on her after she was pulled over by Fort Pierce police on March 21, reports WPLG.

“I don't know anything about any cocaine,” she told officers, according to a police report on the incident. “It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”

Posey was one of two people in the car when it was pulled over by police after it was seen swerving on the road.

The officers searched the vehicle after smelling marijuana as they approached. During the search, officers found bags of cocaine and marijuana inside Posey’s purse.

Posey admitted the marijuana was hers, but maintained she had no idea how the cocaine ended up inside her purse.

The 26-year-old was arrested and was charged with a felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. She was later released on bond.

a close up of a person© Provided by IBT Media
In November, two teenage boys in Sydney, Australia, were found with more than 40 bags of cocaine stuffed into their car's doors. They claimed they were just out to go fishing, despite not having any rods.

The 17- and 18-year-old males said it was a "big surprise" when the bags of cocaine were found hidden inside their Mazda 3's door panel and denied they were about to go on a cocaine run.

“We were going to [Sydney suburb] Ryde but came in here instead to go fishing,” the 17-year-old suspect told The Sunday Telegraph.

The pair were later charged with a series of drug offences.

[ForeverChiefs58]

Originally Posted by displacedinMN

But she is not a whack job.
Florida woman 'marries' tree to protest development
http://www.kcci.com/article/florida-...ve-it/19610399 (cant get video to embed)

Wood

[displacedinMN]

the thread that never fails.

[gblowfish]

Florida woman Road Rages against the Short Bus!
http://www.bradenton.com/news/local/...209528859.html

[scho63]

Drugs are bad.....real bad!!!!

St. Pete man on LSD punches 13-year-old girl in face, knocks her out

http://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-co...out/1133767051

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (WFLA) - Pinellas County deputies have charged a St. Petersburg man with aggravated child abuse after he punched a 13-year-old girl, causing her to lose consciousness.

According to the sheriff's office, the incident occurred around 3 p.m. Saturday at a Race Trac gas station, located at 2551 54th Avenue North in unincorporated St. Petersburg.

Kolbe Smith, 27, allegedly struck the victim in the face, unprovoked.

Smith hit the victim with such a force, she lost consciousness and fell to the ground.

Deputies say the girl's mother witnessed the assault.

Several citizens stood outside of the store and would not let Smith leave after the incident.

The first deputy to arrive tried to put Smith in custody, but he refused.

Deputies used a Taser on Smith, as he would not comply.

The 13-year-old girl was treated at the scene by EMS and was released to her parents, who took her to the hospital.

Deputies took Smith into custody after he was taken to the hospital for a laceration on his head.

When Smith was questioned by deputies, he denied having any recollection of the incident and admitted to taking the drug LSD.

Smith is charged with one count of aggravated child abuse, violation of probation felony battery and resisting arrest without violence.

[gblowfish]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/mor...a9I&srcref=rss

A Florida man interested in karate is alleged to have found an elusive and illegal target for his kicks: bird faces. Last week, the Orlando Sentinel reported that Rocco Joseph Mantella was arrested for “practicing karate” by kicking swans in the head at a park in downtown Orlando, and further details of his arrest—which were first published by the Bloody Elbow—are wild.

According to an Orange County (Fla.) arrest affidavit, Mantella was spotted by a few witnesses around 9:30 a.m. on Thursday, April 26, kicking a bunch of animals. Someone saw him kick one swan in the head and another in the butt while “practicing karate.” His kicks were enough to knock one swan down, and a witness said he was kicking “as hard as possible.” Mantella also apparently targeted a small duck enjoying a morning nap. When one witness saw what he was doing, he apparently began to laugh at her.

Mantella was charged with one count of cruelty to animals, which carries a maximum sentence of six months in Florida.

[Spott]

I blame this on the new Cobrai Kai.

[Beef Supreme]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/mor...a9I&srcref=rss

A Florida man interested in karate is alleged to have found an elusive and illegal target for his kicks: bird faces. Last week, the Orlando Sentinel reported that Rocco Joseph Mantella was arrested for “practicing karate” by kicking swans in the head at a park in downtown Orlando, and further details of his arrest—which were first published by the Bloody Elbow—are wild.

According to an Orange County (Fla.) arrest affidavit, Mantella was spotted by a few witnesses around 9:30 a.m. on Thursday, April 26, kicking a bunch of animals. Someone saw him kick one swan in the head and another in the butt while “practicing karate.” His kicks were enough to knock one swan down, and a witness said he was kicking “as hard as possible.” Mantella also apparently targeted a small duck enjoying a morning nap. When one witness saw what he was doing, he apparently began to laugh at her.

Mantella was charged with one count of cruelty to animals, which carries a maximum sentence of six months in Florida.

The Crane technique. If do right, no can defense.

[vailpass]

Originally Posted by Spott

I blame this on the new Cobrai Kai.

Quacks on. Quacks off.