Marriage Question

[royr17]

Ok lets start here.

I need some help with some things i need to know on gettin married, the do's, the dont's, the things you need to know about that.

I see you guys here some are married some arent so the ones that know stuff i need to know let me know about it.

So what are the things i should know about it, cause i dont wanna wait my whole life to get married, i actually wanna be married before i turn 26 which is 6 years from now.

But I wanna get started early in startin a family, so what are the do's and dont's in marriage ???

[lardass]

Originally Posted by unlurking

Ya know, considering the position I'm in now, I have to laugh at all the people saying young marriages are disasters. I'm going into my 13th year, and most of mine and my wife's friends and family gave us 6 months.

It all depends on the type of person you are. If you're willing to work 60+ hours a week (which I've done for the last decade and a half (averaging a 1 hour commute each way) just to support your family, it doesn't matter how old you are.

Age is not the issue, it's the realization that a family is a job. If you're willing to work hard and swalllow some shit every now and then, the paycheck makes it well worth it. If you're not willing to put in the effort and are too concentrated on the "me-first" attitude, don't blame age or anything else.

I don’t recall saying anything about an age requirement for marriage that somehow makes a marriage work. I do recall saying something about considering marriage while unemployed and living with your parents. To me, those would pose the larger issues. If you are young and able to care for yourself, then go ahead and take on responsibility for another life and possibly more lives if you have kids.

Marriages present and fail in a lot of different forms. However, I think anyone who is thinking clearly understands when it is even possible to consider marriage and when it should be out of the question.

[badgirl]

Originally Posted by lardass

I don’t recall saying anything about which age makes a marriage work. I do recall saying something about considering marriage while unemployed and living with your parents. To me, those would pose the larger issues. If you are young and able to care for yourself, then go ahead and take on responsibility for another life and possibly more lives if you have kids.

Marriages present and fail in a lot of different forms. However, I think anyone who is thinking clearly understands when it is even possible to consider marriage and when it should be out of the question.

good call

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by skinbra

roy she myn now yuo bak of ar it byt yuo en yuo ass. Skinbra mayk yuo promus you leef an yuo be frens yuo no leef an we rasle. you me rasle.

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! this thread is now complete.

[unlurking]

Originally Posted by lardass

I don’t recall saying anything about an age requirement for marriage that somehow makes a marriage work. I do recall saying something about considering marriage while unemployed and living with your parents. To me, those would pose the larger issues. If you are young and able to care for yourself, then go ahead and take on responsibility for another life and possibly more lives if you have kids.

Marriages present and fail in a lot of different forms. However, I think anyone who is thinking clearly understands when it is even possible to consider marriage and when it should be out of the question.

You are correct. Looking back at my post (and your's that I quoted), I realized that your post is not the one I meant to quote.

My apologies. At this point, I don't remember which one of the "don't get married 'til your 30" posts I meant to quote.

Sorry 'bout that, my post still stands in referenc to 80% of the posts on this thread, just not yours!

[lardass]

Thats cool, I pretty much just felt like fighting with someone tonight and that was there.

[unlurking]

Originally Posted by lardass

Thats cool, I pretty much just felt like fighting with someone tonight and that was there.

That's why I spent an hour or so in the DC forum today. I try not too, but if you feel like talking some smaque, it's a great release!

I may be a dick, but when I make a mistake (in other words something I can't cover up or explain away), I'll admit it.

[Slayer Diablo]

Originally Posted by lardass

I don’t recall saying anything about an age requirement for marriage that somehow makes a marriage work. I do recall saying something about considering marriage while unemployed and living with your parents. To me, those would pose the larger issues. If you are young and able to care for yourself, then go ahead and take on responsibility for another life and possibly more lives if you have kids.

Marriages present and fail in a lot of different forms. However, I think anyone who is thinking clearly understands when it is even possible to consider marriage and when it should be out of the question.

"Losing is the first step toward success."

Basically, if you start out at a high spot and either stay up there or even increase your standings, then the whole family would be hit dangerously hard when things get bad. One who wants success needs to learn what it's like to be near rock bottom...needs to know how to climb out of that situation. Starting a marriage at rock bottom would be tough, but would be a lot more lasting once the couple climbs out of that low position.

[unlurking]

Originally Posted by Chico Diablo

"Losing is the first step toward success."

Basically, if you start out at a high spot and either stay up there or even increase your standings, then the whole family would be hit dangerously hard when things get bad. One who wants success needs to learn what it's like to be near rock bottom...needs to know how to climb out of that situation. Starting a marriage at rock bottom would be tough, but would be a lot more lasting once the couple climbs out of that low position.

OMG

You just said something that I totally agree with. I think the world must be coming to an end.

The wife and I went to hell and back the first few years, but our relationship has now been forged in the hottest fires known to god and man.

[lardass]

Originally Posted by Chico Diablo

"Losing is the first step toward success."

Basically, if you start out at a high spot and either stay up there or even increase your standings, then the whole family would be hit dangerously hard when things get bad. One who wants success needs to learn what it's like to be near rock bottom...needs to know how to climb out of that situation. Starting a marriage at rock bottom would be tough, but would be a lot more lasting once the couple climbs out of that low position.

That is possibly one way to look at it but I tend to think if you start out at the bottom and fail to achieve, it's going to get ugly. If everything goes well, then it's likely you'd have two people who have survived a lot and can handle whatever life throws at their marriage. Unfortunately, the reality is that most relationships would probably blow up long before that point was ever reached. Well I should I say in my situation, there is only so much I have been willing to overcome before I would gladly write the whole deal off before becoming further vested. Every meaningful relationship has it's conflicts and problems but some relationships have much more challenging circumstances and greater risks. It's all about the people in the relationship, but if one or both of those people arent disciplined enough to get a job and move out of your parents' home... fill in the blanks when it comes to overcoming serious conflict in a relationship.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by lardass

That is possibly one way to look at it but I tend to think if you start out at the bottom and fail to achieve, it's going to get ugly. If everything goes well, then it's likely you'd have two people who have survived a lot and can handle whatever life throws at their marriage. Unfortunately, the reality is that most relationships would probably blow up long before that point was ever reached. Well I should I say in my situation, there is only so much I have been willing to overcome before I would gladly right the whole deal off before becoming further vested. Every meaningful relationship has it's conflicts and problems but some relationships have much more challenging circumstances and greater risks. It's all about the people in the relationship, but if you arent disciplined enough to get a job and move out of your parents' home... fill in the blanks when it comes to overcoming serious conflict in a relationship.

More relationships end due to the baggage and bull$3it people carry with them than any hardship the world has to offer...

[lardass]

I think relationships fail for a variety of reasons; it's too hard to pinpoint exactly which ones are more prevalent but I tend to agree with that assessment.

[beavis]

Originally Posted by royr17

This thread is just gettin me laughed at .......... I knew it was a bad idea, i should've listened to my instincts.

I think your instincts are what have gotten you into this pickle.

[Slayer Diablo]

Originally Posted by lardass

That is possibly one way to look at it but I tend to think if you start out at the bottom and fail to achieve, it's going to get ugly. If everything goes well, then it's likely you'd have two people who have survived a lot and can handle whatever life throws at their marriage. Unfortunately, the reality is that most relationships would probably blow up long before that point was ever reached. Well I should I say in my situation, there is only so much I have been willing to overcome before I would gladly right the whole deal off before becoming further vested. Every meaningful relationship has it's conflicts and problems but some relationships have much more challenging circumstances and greater risks. It's all about the people in the relationship, but if you arent disciplined enough to get a job and move out of your parents' home... fill in the blanks when it comes to overcoming serious conflict in a relationship.

If things get ugly because of a failure to achieve, then obviously the marriage should not have been started in the first place. The sanctity of marriage may have been crushed into the ground and pissed on long ago, but there is still some shred of hope left for it. That hope lies within the few marriages that really can withstand anything...even then the marriage may not be one that should have been made, but at least it would be close enough to keep that last shred of hope and dignity alive.
As for the part about being disciplined, I can only agree to a small extent. If the marriage was a right marriage and founded on the right basis, then what discipline a person had before doesn't matter. For instance, if a person was extrodinarily lazy and was all of a sudden able to get up at three in the morning every day to work on a loading dock for 15 hours simply because that person was motivated enough by just being able to see one other person literally for one second a month, then there's one helluva good chance that that marriage was founded completely correctly.

[lardass]

Originally Posted by Chico Diablo

As for the part about being disciplined, I can only agree to a small extent. If the marriage was a right marriage and founded on the right basis, then what discipline a person had before doesn't matter. For instance, if a person was extrodinarily lazy and was all of a sudden able to get up at three in the morning every day to work on a loading dock for 15 hours simply because that person was motivated enough by just being able to see one other person literally for one second a month, then there's one helluva good chance that that marriage was founded completely correctly.

I think thats a really optimistic way to look at it...

I can only say I personally am not interested in motivating somebody to get up every morning and get a job, then pushing that person to go to that job every day. That doesnt interest me at all and I suspect it doesnt interest most people. The other problem with that, is this mentality carries over into other areas of that person's life. For whatever reason if a person is unwilling to work and earn a living on their own, they arent going to handle a lot of the other necessary business in their life. Talk about baggage...

Sure there always exceptions, but I would prefer to stick with the example available to us and for that matter what most people in that situation typically manage to do. Hopefully by the time a person is ready to consider marriage or even a serious relationship, they have come to terms with the fact that they cannot sit on their ass all day and mooch off of their parents.

[J Diddy]

Originally Posted by lardass

I think thats a really optimistic way to look at it...

I can only say I personally am not interested in motivating somebody to get up every morning and get a job, then pushing that person to go to that job every day. That doesnt interest me at all and I suspect it doesnt interest most people. The other problem with that, is this mentality carries over into other areas of that person's life. For whatever reason if a person is unwilling to work and earn a living on their own, they arent going to handle a lot of the other necessary business in their life. Talk about baggage...

Sure there always exceptions, but I would prefer to stick with the example available to us and for that matter what most people in that situation typically manage to do. Hopefully by the time a person is ready to consider marriage or even a serious relationship, they have come to terms with the fact that they cannot sit on their ass all day and mooch off of their parents.

sh#t, didn't even occur to me to mooch off my parents.