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Old 11-09-2014, 06:38 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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500+ words to Alex
Good job, Alex.

Quote:
ALEX
I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet.

CLAY
Which one is it?

ALEX
It's the one that says Game Manager on it.

Clay looks in the bag and – sure enough – there's a wallet
with "Game Manager" embroidered on it.

ALEX
That's my game manager. Now open
it up and take out the wins. How
much is there?

CLAY
About 11.

ALEX
Put it in your standings, it's yours.
Now with the rest of them posts
and the trolling, that makes this a
pretty successful little score.

MAV
Alex, if you give this nimrod 11 more wins,
I'm gonna shoot 'em on general principle.

ALEX
You ain't gonna do a goddamn thing,
now hang back and shut the **** up.

Besides, I ain't givin' it to him.

I'm buyin' somethin' for my wins.
Wanna know what I'm buyin' Clay?

CLAY
What?

ALEX
Your life. I'm givin' you those wins
so you aren't a miserable ****. You
read the Bible?

CLAY
lol

ALEX
There's a passage I got memorized.
Ezekiel 25:17.

"The path of the
righteous QB is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the OL and
the trolling of evil men. Blessed is
he who, in the name of $68 million and
good will, shepherds the fans through
the valley of the darkness. For he
is truly his brother's keeper and
the finder of lost receivers. And I
will check down upon thee with great
vengeance and furious anger those
who attempt to poison and destroy my
brothers. And you will know I am the
QB when I lay my touchdowns upon
you."

I been sayin' that shit for
years. And if you ever heard it, it
meant your ass. I never really
questioned what it meant. I thought
it was just a coldblooded thing to
say to a Kyle Orton 'fore you popped
a cap in his ass.

But I saw some
shit this mornin' made me think twice.
Now I'm thinkin', it could mean you're
the evil troll. And I'm the righteous
QB. And Mr. Football here, he's the
shepherd protecting my righteous ass
in the valley of darkness.

Or it could mean
you're the righteous man
and I'm the shepherd and it's the
league that's evil and selfish. I'd
like that. But that shit ain't the
truth.

The truth is you're the weak.
And I'm the tyranny of game managers.

But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to
be a shepherd.
Quote:
Alex: You want wins?

Clay: I think I'm entitled to them.

Alex: You want wins?

Clay: I want the DEEP BALL.

Alex: You can't HANDLE the deep ball! Son, we live in a world that has Bills. And those Bills have to be beaten by men who take sacks. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Clay?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Bowe and you curse the checkdowns. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Bowe's numbers, while tragic, probably saved turnovers. And my checkdowns, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves turnovers.

You don't want the deep ball. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about on Chiefsplanet, you want me taking that sack. You need me taking that sack.

We use words like checkdown, designed sack, game manager...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending Arrowhead. You use 'em as a punchline for your trolling.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who trolls and bitches under the blanket of the very wins I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!

I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up some tickets and sit in a seat. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Clay: Did you beat the Bills?

Alex: I did the job you sent me to do.

Clay: DID YOU BEAT THE BILLS?

Alex: You're goddamn right I did!!
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:28 AM   #121
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Alex: Want some wins?

Clay: No man, I don't eat with game managers.

Alex: Are you a Broncos fan?

Clay: Nah, I ain't a Broncos fan, I just don't dig on checkdowns, that's all.

Alex: Why not?

Clay: Game managers are filthy animals. I don't want to pay filthy animals.

Alex: Touchdowns taste gooood. Wins taste gooood.

Clay: Hey, Matt Cassel's defense might carry him to some wins, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't pay the filthy mother****er. Game managers sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't pay nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own playcalls.

Alex: How about an above average QB? Above average QB eats it's own feces.

Clay: I don't pay above average QBs either.

Alex: Yeah, but do you consider an above average QB to be a filthy animal?

Clay: I wouldn't go so far as to call an above average QB filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, they can limit turnovers. Limiting turnovers goes a long way.

Alex: Ah, so by that rationale, if a game manager limited turnovers, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?

Clay: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming mother****in' game manager. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Kyle Orton in Buffalo, you know what I'm sayin'?

The two men laugh.

Alex: Good for you. Lighten up a little. You been sittin’ there all trollin.'

Clay: I just been sittin’ here thinkin’.

Alexmouthful of Hunt money) About what?

Clay: The miracle we witnessed.

Alex: The miracle you witnessed. I witnessed Kyle Orton shittin' his pants.

Clay: Do you know that a miracle is?

Alex: Beating the Saints in the playoffs.

Clay: What’s a playoff win?

Alex: I guess it’s when I make the impossible possible. And I’m sorry
Clay, but I don’t think what happened this Sunday qualifies.

Clay: Don’t you see, Alex, that shit don’t matter. You’re judging this
thing the wrong way. It’s not about what. It could be you ran for a touchdown, you changed Gates into Jack Stack, you found a ****ing WR for a TD. You don’t judge shit like this based on merit.

Whether or not what we experienced was an according-to-Croyle miracle
is insignificant. What is significant is I felt your touch. You got involved.

Alex: But why?

Clay: That’s what’s ****in’ wit’ me! I don’t know why. But I can’t go
back to trollin.'

Alex: So you’re serious, you’re really gonna quit?

Clay: The life, most definitely.
Holy shit...
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:35 AM   #122
oldandslow oldandslow is offline
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Clay:

Post of the year...wow.

Laughed so hard I nearly cried....
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oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.oldandslow Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:45 AM   #123
Graystoke Graystoke is online now
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:52 AM   #124
Red Dawg Red Dawg is offline
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"Bowes number while tragic probably saves turnovers."

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Old 11-10-2014, 09:35 AM   #125
jamesincanada jamesincanada is offline
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first rate post dude
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:04 AM   #126
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:49 AM   #127
KCwolf KCwolf is offline
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Very Very Well Done.
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:47 PM   #128
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldandslow View Post
Clay:

Post of the year...wow.

Laughed so hard I nearly cried....
I was leaning towards the hall of classics but a thread there needs more than a great opening post.

What say you?
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:48 PM   #129
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigRedChief View Post
I was leaning towards the hall of classics but a thread there needs more than a great opening post.

What say you?
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...&postcount=114
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 11-11-2014, 11:51 AM   #130
EyePod EyePod is offline
Forgetting 2013 season end.
 
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Special teams was pretty bad too. Offense had to start inside the 10 way too many times. Uphill battle the whole game and took advantage of fumbles. Good enough.
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EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.EyePod has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
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