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View Poll Results: Who wins?
loochy 18 39.13%
Beef Supreme 28 60.87%
Voters: 46. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-16-2018, 09:41 AM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 24 - loochy versus Beef Supreme

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.

Venue - The local mall, extremely crowded with shoppers
Starting Distance - 23 feet

loochy

Main Weapon - Trained attack falcon
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 8 Minutes
Special Factors - None

Beef Supreme

Main Weapon - Scalpel Bolas
Backup Weapon - Lasso

Prep Time - 9 Minutes
Special Factors - You are made aware of a very small pit that is cleverly camouflaged with sharp spikes at the bottom that is relatively distant from the starting point of the match. Your opponent is unaware of said pit.
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Old 07-16-2018, 02:33 PM   #16
loochy loochy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graystoke View Post
I haven't voted yet.

Loochy, please describe how your Falcon is going to kill Beef Supreme
The falcon will fly in and attack his face...because it's a "trained attach falcon."

Beef Supreme is untrained with his flail and will probably end up slicing himself up as much as the bird. Then all I have to do is walk up and stand on his skull and crush it.
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Old 07-16-2018, 02:40 PM   #17
Beef Supreme Beef Supreme is offline
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Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Beef Supreme has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
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Old 07-16-2018, 02:48 PM   #18
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Beef will be broke apart in mid-air.
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Old 07-16-2018, 03:49 PM   #19
Buehler445 Buehler445 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by digger View Post



Beef will be broke apart in mid-air.
Jeeeeeeesus.

I'm leaning loocy here, but the question is whether the bird can inflict enough damage for death since he has no weapon. I guess if the bird is on Beef's back shredding his ass, he might drop a weapon to be used against him if he gets the bird subdued.

Mother****er, those birds are the shit of nightmares.
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Old 07-16-2018, 04:08 PM   #20
Beef Supreme Beef Supreme is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buehler445 View Post
Jeeeeeeesus.

I'm leaning loocy here, but the question is whether the bird can inflict enough damage for death since he has no weapon. I guess if the bird is on Beef's back shredding his ass, he might drop a weapon to be used against him if he gets the bird subdued.

Mother****er, those birds are the shit of nightmares.
A. He has no means of getting the bird to attack me. The bird is just as likely to attack him, or one of the patrons at the crowded mall, or a sparrow living in the rafters.

B. If it does by some remote chance try and attack me, good luck getting through the helicopter of death I am spinning above my head.

C. If it somehow manages to get through that, I will bite its head off like Ozzy on a six month bender. Then use my knowlege of the secret pit with spikes to lure loochy to his death by impalement.
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Old 07-16-2018, 04:09 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loochy View Post
About 15000 years ago, South American hunters began making bolas by tying two or three golf ball sized, grooved stones to leather thongs that were joined together. Bolas, the Spanish word for balls, was the name Spanish conquistadors gave to the weapon.


So it's pretty much a flail with scalpel blades on it?


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How is this possible? Jjchieffan told me the earth is only 5000 years old.
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Old 07-16-2018, 04:21 PM   #22
loochy loochy is offline
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Originally Posted by Coochie liquor View Post
How is this possible? Jjchieffan told me the earth is only 5000 years old.
damn, den i wuz rong, yo
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:19 PM   #23
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I need to know:

1) What kind of Falcon is this?
2) Has it been trained to attack Humans?
3) Does it eat at Chic-fil-A?
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:30 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graystoke View Post
I need to know:

1) What kind of Falcon is this?
2) Has it been trained to attack Humans?
3) Does it eat at Chic-fil-A?
1) an Atlanta falcon
2) yes, in a LaSean McCoy fashion
3) yes, it enjoys fried chicken
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:36 PM   #25
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Going with beef supreme. Falcon not remotely guaranteed to attack the correct person out of everyone.

Now he can attack with bolo or lead to the pit.
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Old 07-16-2018, 10:36 PM   #26
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Well if it eats Chic-fil-a the odds may have shifted. If I am at a mall that has a Chic-fil-a, there is a good chance I will be seduced by the Chic-fil-a and forget all about the gladiator match. If the falcon is trained to attack Chic-fil-a, he will probably be attacking me. But he better bring his "A" game because I will cut a bitch for Chic-fil-a.
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Old 07-16-2018, 11:21 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valiant View Post
Going with beef supreme. Falcon not remotely guaranteed to attack the correct person out of everyone.

Now he can attack with bolo or lead to the pit.
Apparently, crows can recognize human faces, meaning if you **** with a crow and the other crows see you do it, they'll attack you specifically every time they see your face. Not sure if Falcons have this ability.
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Old 07-17-2018, 05:18 AM   #28
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Apparently, crows can recognize human faces, meaning if you **** with a crow and the other crows see you do it, they'll attack you specifically every time they see your face. Not sure if Falcons have this ability.
Falcons have every ability.
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Old 07-17-2018, 07:48 AM   #29
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Have to go Beef Supreme here, though the falcon is probably the coolest weapon thus far
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Old 07-17-2018, 10:11 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beef Supreme View Post
Well if it eats Chic-fil-a the odds may have shifted. If I am at a mall that has a Chic-fil-a, there is a good chance I will be seduced by the Chic-fil-a and forget all about the gladiator match. If the falcon is trained to attack Chic-fil-a, he will probably be attacking me. But he better bring his "A" game because I will cut a bitch for Chic-fil-a.


I never thought their sandwiches were "all that". I've always been drawn to their waffle fries. Mix some mayo and ketchup (which I hear is now referred to as "fry sauce") to dip them in.
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