Hypothetical: Helping people versus screwing people over.

[Rain Man]

I'm witnessing a situation that has me intrigued, and thought it would make a good poll.

Imagine that you have a Class-A friend. A Class-A friend is the Barney Rubble to your Fred Flintstone. You do things together and hang out together all the time, and you talk about stuff passionately, like whether K-Mart would have been better than Target if Jaclyn Smith had been used more extensively as a spokeswoman.

You have a chance to do something for your A-friend that you think will be really cool. And big. Like, you can set him up on a date with a woman who has exactly the same kinky fetishes that he does. Or you can point him to his all-time favorite car, a 1981 DeLorean, at an absurdly low price. Or you can get him a deal on a Panda Express franchise, and we all know that a Panda Express franchise is a lock on wealth.

However, this gesture on your part comes with a catch. In order to help your A-friend, you know that you're going to publicly screw someone else over, another person that you know. This person is not a Class-A friend, and they're either already set up to go out with the kinky woman, or they're already negotiating on the DeLorean, or they just signed a lease on a Popeye's chicken next door to the Panda Express site.

This person will know that you screwed them over, and it's going to destroy the relationship. So do you do it?

I'll give you four scenarios of people who get screwed over. In all cases, you're helping your Class-A friend at the expense of these people.


Scenario 1 - Screwing over a Class-B friend.

A Class-B friend is a friend who you'll invite to every party, and you'll socialize with them one-on-one occasionally.

Scenario 2 - Screwing over a Class-C friend.

A Class-C friend is a friend that you'll occasionally invite to parties if you need to fill out a list. They're fun to talk with when you see them.

Scenario 3 - Screwing over a Class-D friend.

A Class-D friend is someone you don't ever really think about, but they're fun to talk to when you happen to run into them.

Scenario 4 - Screwing over a Class-E acquaintance.

An acquaintance is a person you see occasionally and are friendly with, but your relationship is shallow and it takes you a minute to remember their name when you see them.

Scenario 5 - Screwing over a Class-F acquaintance, which is you don't really like, but are friendly with.

A Class-F acquaintance is someone who annoys you and you try to avoid them if you see them first, but at the same time you're not unfriendly at all and you wave in a friendly manner if you see them across the room.

Scenario 6 - Screwing over a Class-G friendly stranger.

A friendly stranger is someone you don't know, but they seemed nice during the minor interaction you had with them.

[Predarat]

The thing I am worried about, most likely people on here consider most other ChiefPlanet posters to be class D or lower. Be scared, very scared. And be afraid too.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I must say, I'm shocked at these results. 14% of you would sacrifice a Class-B friendship to help out a Class-A friend? And 25% would sacrifice a Class-C friendship for that purpose? And perhaps the most shocking of all, 65% would sacrifice a Class-D friend? Wow.

My philosophy is that a Class-A friend wouldn't expect you to destroy relationships to help them, so there's no harm done if you don't. I voted no on everything but the Class-G friendly stranger, and even then I felt kind of bad about it.

I voted no for B and C, but yes to the rest of them... I took D as one of those facebook friends who you might have initially chatted with when the connection was made, but otherwise hardly ever chat with online and might not even remember the last time you were interested in one of their updates or even noticed one.

I'd feel somewhat bad knowing they were on the wrong end of it, but C seemed to be the cutoff as far as those who really mean anything to you... in my mind, there's a pretty good gap between C and D, and there's not a huge difference between screwing over a D friend and a stranger (who might very well be D-friend material).

[pr_capone]

Originally Posted by BigChiefTablet

This poll reads like the instructions to that Korean-made bicycle you are putting together at 3 a.m. Christmas morning.

[BigCatDaddy]

Target is better than K-Mart?

[ExtremeChief]

Not interested in the poll but I did see an apricot BMW convertable Saturday.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by BigCatDaddy

Target is better than K-Mart?

Only because K-Mart didn't leverage Jaclyn Smith properly.

[RealSNR]

Class F and Class G are gonna get screwed over. Everyone else, no.

The way I'm reading the information in the OP is that this is just one-upping in a quest to get something nice. I'm not burning this person's house down or having sex with his wife or anything.

It's like on The Price Is Right when you bid $1 over the previous contestant. It's legal, it happens all the time, and if you didn't do it, somebody else would. It's a screw over, yes, but I'm not necessarily doing harm to this person to favor my Class A friend.

So if my occasional acquaintance that I see in the hall on Tuesdays doesn't like it, that's just too bad. I didn't do anything wrong. About the worst thing that can happen is they unfriend me on Facebook, in which case they were probably one of those friends I had who posts chains of stuff like "LIKE AND SHARE THIS STATUS IF YOU VALUE HUMAN LIFE." They probably wouldn't have survived the next friend purge anyway.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

I voted no for B and C, but yes to the rest of them... I took D as one of those facebook friends who you might have initially chatted with when the connection was made, but otherwise hardly ever chat with online and might not even remember the last time you were interested in one of their updates or even noticed one.

I'd feel somewhat bad knowing they were on the wrong end of it, but C seemed to be the cutoff as far as those who really mean anything to you... in my mind, there's a pretty good gap between C and D, and there's not a huge difference between screwing over a D friend and a stranger (who might very well be D-friend material).

Online relationships complicate the question a little. I was assuming that a Class-D friend would be someone who you see in social situations with some regularity because you run in the same social circle. You know their name and remember them and they seem nice, but you're not going to seek them out.

This poll is enlightening to me in a depressing way. If I can help a friend by screwing over a nameless, faceless stranger, obviously I will. But I sure wouldn't convert someone in my social circle into an enemy in a situation that is optional.

[underEJ]

None of the examples seem important enough to screw anyone over (nor does it sound like anyone would be screwed over in many of the options.)

Basically, these are varying degrees of being sort of shitty, and the question is how okay am I with being a little shitty to someone based on how well I know them? I am not okay with being a little shitty ever, but I also think it is possible to act on some of these examples without being shitty, but by being honest and straightforward.

Now if it was something that really meant screwing someone else over, then no, I wouldn't do it to anyone knowingly.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by SNR

Class F and Class G are gonna get screwed over. Everyone else, no.

The way I'm reading the information in the OP is that this is just one-upping in a quest to get something nice. I'm not burning this person's house down or having sex with his wife or anything.

It's like on The Price Is Right when you bid $1 over the previous contestant. It's legal, it happens all the time, and if you didn't do it, somebody else would. It's a screw over, yes, but I'm not necessarily doing harm to this person to favor my Class A friend.

So if my occasional acquaintance that I see in the hall on Tuesdays doesn't like it, that's just too bad. I didn't do anything wrong. About the worst thing that can happen is they unfriend me on Facebook, in which case they were probably one of those friends I had who posts chains of stuff like "LIKE AND SHARE THIS STATUS IF YOU VALUE HUMAN LIFE." They probably wouldn't have survived the next friend purge anyway.

I'm probably understating it a little bit. Here's the situation, with some details changed for confidentiality.

An acquaintance of mine has a Class-D friend/co-worker (maybe Class C, not sure) who is up for a promotion at work to a vacant position and is kind of the default choice (and wants it). These two people are in different work groups but have an overlap in their social circles.

However, he has a Class-A friend who is out of work, and he's been going all out to influence the management team to give the Class-A the job, and it's more out of friendship than any work reason. The Class-D friend is aware of this and is doing a slow burn, and word is spreading among the social circle to the detriment of my acquaintance.

I don't think he means harm to the Class-D and is just stoked about helping out his Class-A homie, but he is harming the Class-D and I think he's causing himself some damage in the larger social circle. It's kind of painful to watch, though I'm distant enough that I'm not going to get involved.

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I'm probably understating it a little bit. Here's the situation, with some details changed for confidentiality.

An acquaintance of mine has a Class-D friend/co-worker (maybe Class C, not sure) who is up for a promotion at work to a vacant position and is kind of the default choice (and wants it). These two people are in different work groups but have an overlap in their social circles.

However, he has a Class-A friend who is out of work, and he's been going all out to influence the management team to give the Class-A the job, and it's more out of friendship than any work reason. The Class-D friend is aware of this and is doing a slow burn, and word is spreading among the social circle to the detriment of my acquaintance.

I don't think he means harm to the Class-D and is just stoked about helping out his Class-A homie, but he is harming the Class-D and I think he's causing himself some damage in the larger social circle. It's kind of painful to watch, though I'm distant enough that I'm not going to get involved.

I may be over simplifying but since Class-A is totally out of work, can Class-D get the promotion, and Class-A fill the vacancy Class-D leaves?

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Online relationships complicate the question a little. I was assuming that a Class-D friend would be someone who you see in social situations with some regularity because you run in the same social circle. You know their name and remember them and they seem nice, but you're not going to seek them out.

This poll is enlightening to me in a depressing way. If I can help a friend by screwing over a nameless, faceless stranger, obviously I will. But I sure wouldn't convert someone in my social circle into an enemy in a situation that is optional.

In that case, it might also depend on whether the A friend and D friend run in the same circle as well.

On one hand, if they know each other and I tell A about an opportunity and mention D has already expressed interest, it then pretty much falls on A to decide if they're going to screw D... OTOH, I'd still feel bad, since it would destroy a couple of friendships. In that case, I'd probably lean towards staying quiet.

If A doesn't know D, then I think I'd be more likely to tell A and then deal with the fallout of D... except maybe if D is an A friend of one of my other A or B friends... I mean, I only see some people when hanging out with an A/B friend, so that's significantly different than perhaps someone I see due to some other link (a friend of a friend at a tailgate, a former coworker who I didn't work closely with, etc).

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Predarat

I may be over simplifying but since Class-A is totally out of work, can Class-D get the promotion, and Class-A fill the vacancy Class-D leaves?

You'd think. But that's not how it's playing out.

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

You'd think. But that's not how it's playing out.

Another oh shit about this, I assume Class D will get interviewed and considered for the position regardless of Class A so if the acquaintance jilts Class D, Class D gets the job over Class A, Class A is still out of work, he is in a lose/lose situation. Especially if the promotion puts Class D in a position of authority over him. Yikes.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Predarat

Another oh shit about this, I assume Class D will get interviewed and considered for the position regardless of Class A so if the acquaintance jilts Class D, Class D gets the job over Class A, Class A is still out of work, he is in a lose/lose situation. Especially if the promotion puts Class D in a position of authority over him. Yikes.

I don't think that Class D would be in a position of authority, but at the same time I imagine there's going to be some karmic payback somewhere along the line. This guy is creating a sense of outrage among a decent-sized group of people.