Life The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read - Page 6

**jAZ** · 04-18-2013, 12:33 PM

As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold.

NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety.

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read

Here's the full email (with the author's name changed):

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough ****ing ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying ****, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ****ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ****ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ****ing reeruned? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a **** if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ****ING UP AT SOBER ****ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ****ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ****ing. Team. ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? Or are you just so ****ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ****ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ****ING MATCHUP. I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ****ing awkward than 80 that are ****ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.

Sorter · 04-18-2013, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445

http://dgumd.moonfruit.com/#

Chapter site.

They've got some decent looking chicas in there.

qqqqqqqq

**Saul Good** · 04-18-2013, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strongside

This bitch gets shit done. POTUS in 30 years.

Her grandmother is speaker of the house, so this would make sense.

**Buehler445** · 04-18-2013, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ponderception

qqqqqqqq

You are kicking my ass today. I tried to delete it, but I can't even get that done before you show me up.

siberian khatru · 04-18-2013, 01:24 PM

cosmo20002 · 04-18-2013, 01:25 PM

There is really some quality ranting and cursing in there. It's like Quentin Tarantino wrote it, but without the N-bombs.

COchief · 04-18-2013, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Smoke

She needs to get laid. I think we should volunteer someone from the planet.

I'm down, she is definitely hittable in a "hit it, but then gtfo fast" type of way.

She is on the left, funny to see the people that immediately tracked her down.

**Rausch** · 04-18-2013, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by COchief

I'm down, she is definitely hittable in a "hit it, but then gtfo fast" type of way.

She is on the left, funny to see the people that immediately tracked her down.

10 years ago I wouldn't even be considering that $3it...

cosmo20002 · 04-18-2013, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by COchief

I'm down, she is definitely hittable in a "hit it, but then gtfo fast" type of way.

She is on the left, funny to see the people that immediately tracked her down.

That's the letter writer or the president who requested the letter be removed? The president isn't necessarily the one who wrote the letter.

RaiderH8r · 04-18-2013, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by COchief

I'm down, she is definitely hittable in a "hit it, but then gtfo fast" type of way.

She is on the left, funny to see the people that immediately tracked her down.

PIIHB? PIIHB.

**Saul Good** · 04-18-2013, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cosmo20002

That's the letter writer or the president who requested the letter be removed? The president isn't necessarily the one who wrote the letter.

Yeah. The person who wrote the request isn't the one who wrote the original.

**Dave Lane** · 04-18-2013, 01:32 PM

Dane is a girl named Julia?

Sorter · 04-18-2013, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

Yeah. The person who wrote the request isn't the one who wrote the original.

Are we sure?

OmahaChief · 04-18-2013, 01:32 PM

I have no problem with that email. I can only imagine she was on a bender when she wrote it or after an event that totally sucked. Sure she could have handled it in a tactful way at Chapter but this wasy is awesome. Being in a Fraternity, she is right there was nothing worse then lame partners for events and it really did give the Soroity a bad rap on the MU campus. Greeklife was huge at MU when I was there and I would not doubt things like this were said on many houses.

Strongside · 04-18-2013, 01:33 PM

9/10. Would do for career advancement.

**Saul Good** · 04-18-2013, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rausch

10 years ago I wouldn't even be considering that $3it...

Of course not. I'm sure you were in the business of turning down attractive 20 year old girls with good bodies.

04-18-2013, 12:33 PM
jAZ Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Tucson, AZ Casino cash: $9847493	The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold. NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety. http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read Here's the full email (with the author's name changed): If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough **ing ride. For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ing AWKWARD and so ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ing find you on campus to do it myself. I do not give a flying , and Sigma Nu does not give a flying , about how much you ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ing reeruned? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you. "But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ING ASS HATS, IT ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ING UP AT SOBER ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ing. Team. ARE YOU ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ING BLIND? Or are you just so ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ING MATCHUP. I will ing punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a if you SOR me, I WILL ING ASSAULT YOU. "Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT. I'm not ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ing awkward than 80 that are ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me. And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a . Go ** yourself.
Posts: 24,799

04-18-2013, 01:24 PM	#79
siberian khatru 21st Century Schizoid Fan Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: The Gates of Delirium Casino cash: $2634950
Posts: 69,116

04-18-2013, 01:25 PM	#80
cosmo20002 Debunking your bullshit Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: KC area Casino cash: $5260315	There is really some quality ranting and cursing in there. It's like Quentin Tarantino wrote it, but without the N-bombs.
Posts: 52,592

04-18-2013, 01:32 PM	#86
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	Dane is a girl named Julia? __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

04-18-2013, 01:32 PM	#88
OmahaChief Down with Nino Brown Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Omaha Casino cash: $9435000	I have no problem with that email. I can only imagine she was on a bender when she wrote it or after an event that totally sucked. Sure she could have handled it in a tactful way at Chapter but this wasy is awesome. Being in a Fraternity, she is right there was nothing worse then lame partners for events and it really did give the Soroity a bad rap on the MU campus. Greeklife was huge at MU when I was there and I would not doubt things like this were said on many houses.
Posts: 3,614

04-18-2013, 01:33 PM	#89
Strongside Mahomes or GTFO Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: KC Casino cash: $6174282	9/10. Would do for career advancement. __________________
Posts: 13,192