Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 14

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

**Bob Dole** · 12-19-2005, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psicosis

It has been speculated that these stations operate as a simple and foolproof method for government agencies to communicate with spies "in the field". According to this theory, the messages are encrypted with a one-time pad, to avoid any risk of decryption by the enemy. As evidence, numbers stations have changed details of their broadcasts or produced "special", non-scheduled broadcasts in response to extraordinary political events, such as the Russian constitutional crisis of 1993. Others speculate that some of these stations may be related to illegal drug smuggling operations. Although no broadcaster or government will acknowledge or give a reason for their existence, a 1998 article in The Daily Telegraph quoted a spokesperson for the Department of Trade and Industry (the government agency that regulates radio broadcasting in the United Kingdom) as saying, "These [numbers stations] are what you suppose they are. People shouldn't be mystified by them. They are not for, shall we say, public consumption."

Numbers stations are often given nicknames by enthusiasts. These nicknames often reflect some distinctive element of the station. For example, "Lincolnshire Poacher", one of the best known numbers stations, supposed by many to be run by MI6, plays the first two bars of the folk song of that name before each string of numbers. "Magnetic Fields" plays music from French electronic musician Jean Michel Jarre before and after each set of numbers. The "Atención" station begins its transmission with the Spanish phrase "¡Atención! ¡Atención!"

Errors at the transmission site, radio direction-finding, and a knowledge of shortwave radio propagation have also provided clues to number station locations. For example, the "Atención" station is presumed to be from Cuba, as a supposed error allowed Radio Habana Cuba to be carried on the frequency.

On some stations, tones can be heard in the background. It has been suggested that in such cases the voice may be an aid to tuning to the correct frequency, with the coded message being sent by modulating the tones, perhaps using a technology such as burst transmission.

That's some funny shit right there.

Frankie · 12-19-2005, 07:42 PM

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the perp.

greg63 · 12-20-2005, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the perp.

Was it that mad sale at Wal-Mart?? You know Black....whatever day it was.

Frankie · 12-20-2005, 10:20 PM

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

Frankie · 12-20-2005, 10:21 PM

An old man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

greg63 · 12-21-2005, 07:48 AM

RRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEE, RRRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEEE

…A blond going through a flashing red light.

Frankie · 01-07-2006, 11:43 AM

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.

Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I am about to receive...."

KS Smitty · 01-13-2006, 09:16 PM

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

**jjchieffan** · 01-13-2006, 10:22 PM

Daaad, cries little Billy, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet. That's alright, says dad, we will throw it away, and get you a new one, it has gross germs on it. Oh really, replied Billy, we had better get you a new one too. I dropped it in the toilet last week.

greg63 · 01-14-2006, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.

Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I am about to receive...."

...My luck.

kc hopeful · 01-20-2006, 03:29 PM

It's tough to be a Husker in Kansas!

Frankie · 01-21-2006, 12:21 PM

Wong gets himself a job on the road construction crew. He is teamed up with Steve and Joe responsible to lay down drainage pipes alongside a road segment. On the first day the foreman instructs:

"Steve, Joe you are in charge of digging and laying pipes"

He then turns to Wong and says,"Wong, you are in charge of supplies."

The foreman returns at the end of the day to see no work done and Steve and Joe sitting and smoking.

"What's this?" He shouts angrily, "Why haven't you done anything?"

"Well Wong went for supplies and never came back" reply Steve and Joe.

"Which way did he go?"

They point at the wooded area nearby. The foreman walks toward the trees shouting "Wong! Wong!"... just as he gets close to the first tree out jumps Wong from behind it, triumphantly shouting:

"SUPLISE!"

Hydrae · 02-04-2006, 04:10 PM

When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

Because she smells like a new truck!

Road Hog · 02-04-2006, 06:26 PM

Why do people read the Bible more often as they get older?
"They're Cramming!"

kc hopeful · 02-19-2006, 01:29 PM

Quick Thinker

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some a**h*** wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."

"Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No s***???" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

12-19-2005, 07:42 PM	#197
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," replied the perp.
Posts: 26,959

12-20-2005, 10:20 PM	#199
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
Posts: 26,959

12-20-2005, 10:21 PM	#200
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	An old man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
Posts: 26,959

12-21-2005, 07:48 AM	#201
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas Casino cash: $9324990	RRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEE, RRRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEEE …A blond going through a flashing red light. __________________
Posts: 17,564

01-07-2006, 11:43 AM	#202
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I am about to receive...."
Posts: 26,959

01-13-2006, 09:16 PM	#203
KS Smitty Cool as a Cucumber Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: on the edge Casino cash: $3666717	A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning." __________________ A D with Sneed is a D indeed.
Posts: 3,822

01-13-2006, 10:22 PM	#204
jjchieffan Supporter Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Highlandville, MO Casino cash: $3432247	Daaad, cries little Billy, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet. That's alright, says dad, we will throw it away, and get you a new one, it has gross germs on it. Oh really, replied Billy, we had better get you a new one too. I dropped it in the toilet last week.
Posts: 12,598

01-20-2006, 03:29 PM	#206
kc hopeful Starter Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: The Texas Pothandle Casino cash: $10005020	It's tough to be a Husker in Kansas! It's tough to be a Husker in Kansas! Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 471

01-21-2006, 12:21 PM	#207
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Wong gets himself a job on the road construction crew. He is teamed up with Steve and Joe responsible to lay down drainage pipes alongside a road segment. On the first day the foreman instructs: "Steve, Joe you are in charge of digging and laying pipes" He then turns to Wong and says,"Wong, you are in charge of supplies." The foreman returns at the end of the day to see no work done and Steve and Joe sitting and smoking. "What's this?" He shouts angrily, "Why haven't you done anything?" "Well Wong went for supplies and never came back" reply Steve and Joe. "Which way did he go?" They point at the wooded area nearby. The foreman walks toward the trees shouting "Wong! Wong!"... just as he gets close to the first tree out jumps Wong from behind it, triumphantly shouting: "SUPLISE!"
Posts: 26,959

02-04-2006, 04:10 PM	#208
Hydrae Sandbox: Leander Lasercats Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Austin, Tx Casino cash: $2357000	When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? Because she smells like a new truck!
Posts: 14,684

02-04-2006, 06:26 PM	#209
Road Hog Starter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Hooterville-East of Pixly Casino cash: $9974995	Why do people read the Bible more often as they get older? "They're Cramming!"
Posts: 94

02-19-2006, 01:29 PM	#210
kc hopeful Starter Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: The Texas Pothandle Casino cash: $10005020	Quick Thinker A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some ah* wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here." "Where are you from, son?" "Texas, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas." "No s***???" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
Posts: 471