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Old 01-04-2011, 07:55 AM  
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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GF of 3 years left me yesterday....

She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....

I'm still young & I've left a long relationship (4 years) before but this was different. She was more than my gf but my best friend too.....I was planning on proposing to her later this year but that's clearly out the window.

I'm getting 50/50 opinions from people on if I should just let her be & move on or fight for the girl I love / my best friend. She was all torn up hysterically crying last night when the conversation was going on.....Don't know, felt like I needed to air it out to a different crowd than my friends. What y'all think?
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:12 AM   #16
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
I always think of relationships as having tension ... kind of like two people being connected by a rubber band like Kate Bush talks about.

When there's no tension, there's no fun ... or excitement. Thing is, if you want the girl to snap back closer to you, you have to lean back and create more tension. When you lean back enough, eventually she comes flying forward. Funny how that works.

FAX
I like that analogy, I hope that is the case. She's everything a guy could want in a female by my means.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:13 AM   #17
HMc HMc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pushead2 View Post
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.
chicks think about this shit differently - I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Like I (and everyone else) has said, create a perception that you're doing real well without her, and she'll want to come aboard again.

It's VERY difficult to do, but it's the way to do it.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:14 AM   #18
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KC Jones View Post
As many have already said, the only way you will be successful in this is to focus on yourself and prepare to move on. If you pursue her, it's over. If you try to move on, she'll likely pursue you and you have successfully 'fought' for her.
I have to give her some stuff back she left at my place so I will see her this afternoon. I won't be begging to get back with her, but there are things I didn't say last night that I want to get off my chest.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:14 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pushead2 View Post
another thing is she has NO family here in NYC & very little friends....She's from Oklahoma but came here to go to NYU.

So the fact that she's willing to accept being VERY lonely is making me think it's over but at the same time thinking once she sees how lonely she will be she'll think twice.
All this talk about "her" is bad. Real bad.

Ask yourself this; if she were run over by a train and the doctors saved her life but put her together so she looks like a cross between a kangaroo and Ralph Waldo Emerson, would you care as much? I don't think so.

Imagine that she has been struck by a train. Mourn. Then focus on yourself.

FAX
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:15 AM   #20
FAX FAX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pushead2 View Post
I like that analogy, I hope that is the case. She's everything a guy could want in a female by my means.
It's definitely the case. But you need to start now to process her out of your habitual thinking. Lean back.

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Old 01-04-2011, 08:15 AM   #21
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HMc View Post
chicks think about this shit differently - I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Like I (and everyone else) has said, create a perception that you're doing real well without her, and she'll want to come aboard again.

It's VERY difficult to do, but it's the way to do it.
yeah it is, I kindheartedly agree. Once my travel team in late February starts playing in country wide tournaments again. It will be a lot easier.

Right now, 1 step/day at a time.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:16 AM   #22
cookster50 cookster50 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
I always think of relationships as having tension ... kind of like two people being connected by a rubber band like Kate Bush talks about.

When there's no tension, there's no fun ... or excitement. Thing is, if you want the girl to snap back closer to you, you have to lean back and create more tension. When you lean back enough, eventually she comes flying forward. Funny how that works.

FAX
So, they should headbutt each other?
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:16 AM   #23
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
It's definitely the case. But you need to start now to process her out of your habitual thinking. Lean back.

FAX
You're right, I had my time overnight to get it out. Now it's on to me.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:17 AM   #24
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"she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore....." means she wants to find a dude in grad school that has a similar career path.

This happened to me in college. I was dating this chick who was going to med school. All of a sudden little ole Hoover wasn't good enough for her. I was comfortable for her, but she couldn't see herself with some political hack.

She dropped out of med school, married a doctor, and seems pretty miserable now if you ask me. The political hack married a lawyer, created a successful fundraising business, and is now a publisher. Life is good, I can't imagine life with her.

Everything happens for a reason.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:17 AM   #25
Frazod Frazod is offline
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You're probably screwed. Don't call. Don't beg. Don't grovel. If she pulls that "I still want to be friends" crap, tell her to go get a dog. The last thing you want to do is end up being an emotional tampon for an ex who's ****ing another guy and wondering why he can't be more like you.

She's already broke your heart - don't let her take your pride and dignity as well. There are worse things than being alone.

Good luck.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:17 AM   #26
HMc HMc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pushead2 View Post
yeah it is, I kindheartedly agree. Once my travel team in late February starts playing in country wide tournaments again. It will be a lot easier.

Right now, 1 step/day at a time.
to be honest, your sporting commitments are a godsend as they'll keep you busy.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:19 AM   #27
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frazod View Post
You're probably screwed. Don't call. Don't beg. Don't grovel. If she pulls that "I still want to be friends" crap, tell her to go get a dog. The last thing you want to do is end up being an emotional tampon for an ex who's ****ing another guy and wondering why he can't be more like you.

She's already broke your heart - don't let her take your pride and dignity as well. There are worse things than being alone.

Good luck.
Never will happen & couldn't agree more, there are worse things.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:19 AM   #28
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Then again ... maybe you should send her texts of your penis ...

FAX
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:20 AM   #29
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HMc View Post
to be honest, your sporting commitments are a godsend as they'll keep you busy.
oh yeah, I love playing hockey. If I had to choose between dating her & my hockey leagues. I'd tell her to go fly a kite.

I guess the same was for her school over me. Time to go on with my business.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:20 AM   #30
Pushead2 Pushead2 is offline
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Originally Posted by FAX View Post
Then again ... maybe you should send her texts of your penis ...

FAX
I'll reserve those for the next female I want to sue me.
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