This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by scho63

.

[scho63]

Would plow or let her urinate on you or both?

[BucEyedPea]

But at 62° I am chilly.

[BucEyedPea]

[Al Bundy]

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publics...esting/2262660
TAMPA — Sometimes authorities have to seek out suspected drunk drivers. Other times, the suspects come to them.

Hillsborough County Sheriff's deputies were arresting an alleged drunk driver Sunday when another car sideswiped a deputy's patrol cars, the Sheriff's Office said.

Deputies stopped a BMW at the corner of Dale Mabry Highway and North Village Drive about 10:30 p.m. and suspected the driver, 36-year-old Michael Probst of Tampa, was under the influence of alcohol. Probst provided breath samples of .114 and .134, about twice the level at which a driver is presumed impaired, deputies said. He was arrested and charged with DUI. Florida law presumes a driver impaired at .08.

During that traffic stop, a 2005 Dodge sedan side-swiped one of the deputy's marked patrol vehicle. The driver continued traveling on Dale Mabry Highway and eventually stopped near Fletcher Avenue.

When a deputy caught up to that driver, identified as Todd M. Casey, he had alcohol on his breath, red and glassy eyes and slurred speech, deputies said.

Casey, 49, of Tampa, provided breath samples of .181 and .196, deputies said, and was arrested and charged with DUI with property damage and blood alcohol content higher than .15. He was also cited for violating the state law requiring motorists to move over when passing emergency vehicles.

No injuries were reported.

Deputies: Drunk driver hits patrol car of Hillsborough deputy arresting another drunk driver 01/25/16 [Last modified: Monday, January 25, 2016 10:36am]

[FloridaMan88]

In this week's important Florida news, we aren't sitting under 40 inches of snow.

[scho63]

Woman's body, 2 live monkeys found in Florida motel room

(CNN)A woman was found dead in a motel room in Florida, along with a note and two live monkeys, police said.

Authorities discovered the Capuchin monkeys in crates, the North Port police said in a statement.

Police identified the woman as Linda Marie Smith, 59, of Arcadia, Florida. She was found Friday at a Budget Inn in North Port

"There was no obvious signs of trauma to Smith's body," police said. "The cause of death is undetermined at this point. The medical examiner will soon conduct an autopsy."

An incoherent man, who was in the room with her, received medical attention and was undergoing questioning.

Police did not release his identity or what the note said.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is taking care of the monkeys.

[Al Bundy]

Gator wasn't on the Wendy's menu
Gator wasn’t on the menu but one did make an appearance inside a Wendy’s just east of Loxahatchee in Royal Palm Beach. And it wasn’t by choice.

A Jupiter man threw it through the restaurant’s drive-thru window, according to a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission incident report.

It happened in October but the suspect was just taken into custody by US Marshals.

FWC officials say 23-year-old Joshua James pulled up for his order and after a server handed over a drink and turned around James reached into the back of his truck and tossed the 3-and-a-half foot gator through the drive-thru window.

The incident report showed a picture of the gator inside the restaurant.

James faces charges of aggravated assault and unlawful possession and transportation of an alligator.

FWC says James admitted to picking up the gator on the side of Southern Boulevard and bringing it to the fast food restaurant.

The alligator was later released in a nearby canal.

[gblowfish]

(CNN) —Police in Florida say a teen riding a hoverboard and holding a gun, apparently lost his balance and shot and killed a 13-year-old boy.

According to an arrest affidavit filed in Orange County, police were called to a home in Orlando on Sunday after a report that a boy was shot in the back of the head.

The report says Lovardo Fisher, 13, Brandon Louis and Widmar Morame, both 18, were in a bedroom playing video games. Louis told police that he found a gun under a bed and while riding a hoverboard, lost his balance. The gun "went off," the bullet hitting Fisher in the back of the head.

The teen was transported to a local hospital in critical condition. He died Monday from his injury.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that Louis and Morame are Lovardo's cousins.

Police say the gun belonged to Walter Morame, a convicted felon who was not home at the time of the shooting.

Walter Morame, 35, has since been arrested and charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

Other charges are pending, while the Orange County Sheriff's Office investigates the case.

Link:
http://www.kmbc.com/national/teen-on...t%20Type=Story

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by scho63

Woman's body, 2 live monkeys found in Florida motel room

[gblowfish]

A Florida Activist Wants to Erect a Giant Donald Trump Phallus Display Inside the State Capitol
March 2, 2016 by Hemant Mehta

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendl...=socialnetwork

After getting a Festivus Pole in the Florida State Capitol, and putting up displays of a butt-plugged Jesus on an upside-down cross, activist Chaz Stevens is going Shinto for his next stunt.

A request has been submitted with the Florida Department of Management Services to celebrate “The 2016 Shinto Kanamara Matsuri Festival of the Steel Phallus.” Which, I should note, is a real thing.

Which, I should also note, is just a fancy way of saying Stevens wants to erect a giant penis with Donald Trump‘s face inside the Florida Capitol:

“We would like to celebrate our long held Shinto beliefs, by displaying a symbol of our religious faith in the Florida State Capitol Rotunda,” Stevens wrote in his application.

I anticipate a few problems with this.

1) State rules say: “Displays… must not be graphic in nature.” This arguably violates that.

2) State rules also say: “DMS and the Capitol Police may deny the use of exhibits… that may be potentially harmful, offensive, or threatening in nature.” Offensive? Oh yeah.

3) If the State denies him this opportunity, Stevens plans to fight back arguing that a ban would violate his “religious freedom.” But, as a Christian critic noted, “There is a reason courts use the term ‘sincerely held religious beliefs.'” With Stevens changing his religions on a regular basis for the sake of activism, his sincerity would no doubt be called into question.

Another obvious question is: What does this accomplish? Stevens wants the State Capitol to put a stop to all displays of this sort, including other religious ones. In his mind, the only way to do that is by pushing the boundaries. The Festivus pole did that, but it didn’t change the rules. But I doubt this display will accomplish his goal. It’ll only infuriate Christians to the point where they’ll want even more “family-friendly” displays in the Capitol to counter him.

As of this writing, Florida officials have not responded to Stevens’ request.

[Beef Supreme]

Originally Posted by scho63

Woman's body, 2 live monkeys found in Florida motel room

(CNN)A woman was found dead in a motel room in Florida, along with a note and two live monkeys, police said.

Authorities discovered the Capuchin monkeys in crates, the North Port police said in a statement.

Police identified the woman as Linda Marie Smith, 59, of Arcadia, Florida. She was found Friday at a Budget Inn in North Port

"There was no obvious signs of trauma to Smith's body," police said. "The cause of death is undetermined at this point. The medical examiner will soon conduct an autopsy."

An incoherent man, who was in the room with her, received medical attention and was undergoing questioning.

Police did not release his identity or what the note said.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is taking care of the monkeys.

I think this is the plot to the movie Outbreak.

[Munson]

Only in Florida would somebody try to buy a BMW with their EBT card, and then steal it when the dealership refuses to make the deal.

http://insider.foxnews.com/2016/03/2...rd-food-stamps

Florida Man Raids Car Dealership After Trying to Buy BMW with Food Stamps

A Florida man is stoking confusion after he tried to buy a $60,000 BMW with his credit card and EBT card – and apparently wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Authorities say the perplexed managers at an auto dealership in Pompano Beach “declined 36-year-old Nicholas Jackson’s business” when he offered to pay with food stamps.

But it didn’t just stop at that. Jackson “appeared determined to have that BMW one way or another,” the Martin County Sheriff’s Office said in a release.

The next day, the man allegedly broke into the dealership and stole the car, along with keys to as many as 60 other vehicles.

But he didn’t get very far. Detectives who tracked down the car later found Jackson stalled at an intersection, when he ran out of gas and apparently didn’t have money to refuel.

Jackson has been charged with grand theft auto, and his bail is set at $20,000.

[Coochie liquor]

Damnit Florida, WHY???

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/woman...b02c402f66a280

A Naples, Florida, woman was caught on tape having sex with her dogs multiple times, the Collier County Sheriff’s Office said.

Miranda Johns, 21, was arrested Monday on misdemeanor charges of sexual contact with an animal, according to the sheriff’s report.

The footage surfaced after Kurtz Villavicencio was accused of sexually battering Johns, investigators say. When law enforcement interviewed Villavicencino, he offered his phone to an officer as proof he did not attack Johns, the report indicates. He then told the officer he had videos sent by Johns on his phone of her having sexual intercourse with her pets.

The officer in the sheriff’s report said he saw several clips of Johns receiving oral sex from the dogs while she masturbated. One clip allegedly showed Johns “attempting to get one of the dogs to penetrate her vagina with his erect penis.”

Villavicencio, described as Johns’ boyfriend by CBS affiliate WINK News, had allegedly encouraged her to send him images of her sex acts with the dogs. She said the two had discussed the possibility of her having sex with a bigger dog, according to the report.

Johns was released on bond.

[scho63]

Originally Posted by Coochie liquor

Damnit Florida, WHY???

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/woman...b02c402f66a280

A Naples, Florida, woman was caught on tape having sex with her dogs multiple times, the Collier County Sheriff’s Office said.

Miranda Johns, 21, was arrested Monday on misdemeanor charges of sexual contact with an animal, according to the sheriff’s report.

Johns was released on bond.