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View Poll Results: Who wins?
Dartgod 38 73.08%
threebag02 14 26.92%
Voters: 52. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-15-2018, 11:48 AM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 23 - Dartgod versus threebag02

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.

Venue - In free-fall at 20,000 feet, wearing parachutes, and with a snake and gator-filled swamp below you.
Starting Distance - 21 feet

Dartgod

Main Weapon - Indian razorwhip (Urumi)
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 14 Minutes
Special Factors - Naked East Asian women are screaming and running around panicked (Organizer note: in this situation you may assume that they're also free falling and wearing parachutes.)

threebag02

Main Weapon - Baseball Bat with six nails studded into it
Backup Weapon - Bowie knife

Prep Time - 3 Minutes
Special Factors - You ate some really, really bad sushi the night before and are afflicted with a violent case of diarrhea
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Old 07-16-2018, 08:58 AM   #31
DJ's left nut DJ's left nut is offline
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I went ThreeBag.

The odds overwhelmingly favor Dartgod cutting himself free from his own parachute trying to use that thing. Look at those videos - that ain't exactly a precision weapon, especially for someone that's just learned how to use it.

In free fall with all that adrenaline and trying to get a giant whippy object on target....nah. Dartgod's gonna cut his own risers or his lines and he's gonna end up getting eaten by gators as he pretty much free falls into a swamp.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:11 AM   #32
Eleazar Eleazar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
This is a very rare situation where diarrhea could actually be used as a weapon.
But you could just as easily blind yourself with it.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:22 AM   #33
Pasta Giant Meatball Pasta Giant Meatball is offline
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No one is doing anything while parachuting Ridiculous

It's a ground battle in a swamp of gators. They are both dead. No one is using that sword whip thing without months of practice.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:33 AM   #34
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball View Post
No one is doing anything while parachuting Ridiculous

It's a ground battle in a swamp of gators. They are both dead. No one is using that sword whip thing without months of practice.
While he is wrapped up in his flimsy sword/whip I skydive in and Bowie knife the **** out of him. then the Asian whores and I can have a shitfest, shower shits for all
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Old 07-16-2018, 03:04 PM
threebag02
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Old 07-16-2018, 03:09 PM   #35
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carr4MVP View Post
The razor whip sword is difficult to master but he has plenty of time to figure it out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by digger View Post
Dartgod uses Indian razorwhipon threebag02's parachute, game over.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TLO View Post
Dartgod in a blowout
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartgod View Post
He's not surviving this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartgod View Post
I can destroy his parachute before he even deploys it with that thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartgod View Post
77.78% of the voting public believe that it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by threebag02 View Post
bullshit
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Old 07-16-2018, 04:10 PM   #36
Coochie liquor Coochie liquor is offline
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It seems like whoever wins the match will immediately lose to the swamp full of gators...
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:43 PM   #37
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That sword is worthless in in the air. Freefall more worthless. Could not control parachute with it. Would cut rope.

Both contestants die in the swamp though.
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:55 PM   #38
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I'm the one in the blue suit. Threebag is the unfortunate sap that ends up with no parachute.





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Old 07-16-2018, 09:32 PM   #39
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartgod View Post
I'm the one in the blue suit. Threebag is the unfortunate sap that ends up with no parachute.

Monkey Wrench for a back up weapon?
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Old 07-17-2018, 09:49 AM   #40
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When the fanboats arrive at the landing spot out in the swamp, Dartgod is fighting off gators with the urumi and threebag02 is nowhere to be found. Rescuers did find the baseball bat, though, which will go up on Dartgod's wall as he moves to Round 2.
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Old 07-17-2018, 02:58 PM   #41
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
When the fanboats arrive at the landing spot out in the swamp, Dartgod is fighting off gators with the urumi and threebag02 is nowhere to be found. Rescuers did find the baseball bat, though, which will go up on Dartgod's wall as he moves to Round 2.
That's the shits
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Old 07-17-2018, 03:52 PM   #42
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This has it all....Weaponized diarrhea....free fall skydive, whips, bats, crazy women screaming(just like real fights)

Once the chute opens, dartgod can swing the razor whip, cut some of the chords on 3bag's chute and he spirals to his pending dent in the ground.
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Old 07-17-2018, 05:31 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threebag02 View Post
That's the shits
Hey no lip from the dead guy!
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Old 07-17-2018, 10:39 PM   #44
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A razorwhip against a parachute? Ez...


Edit... Assuming both have a difficult time landing blows during free fall where no weapon is all that great... threebag only really has an opportunity to whip the bowie knife and hope like hell for a hit. The razor whip has a much greater reach so the likelihood dart can land a blow is greater. that said, I'd think it'll come down to when they deploy chutes... threebag can only really try to hit the chute itself but dart can go for the cords from further away... I can't fathom how 3bag wins this.
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