Life The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read - Page 12

**jAZ** · 04-18-2013, 12:33 PM

As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold.

NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety.

http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read

Here's the full email (with the author's name changed):

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough ****ing ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying ****, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ****ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ****ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ****ing reeruned? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a **** if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ****ING UP AT SOBER ****ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ****ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ****ing. Team. ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? Or are you just so ****ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ****ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ****ING MATCHUP. I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ****ing awkward than 80 that are ****ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.

ChiefaRoo · 04-18-2013, 07:01 PM

Has anyone friended Rebecca on FB yet?

**gblowfish** · 04-18-2013, 07:23 PM

We should extend an invite to join, and be our new Kirstie Tynes!

Discuss Thrower · 04-18-2013, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wonton Prejudice

Senator Vreenak wants to have a word with you

**hometeam** · 04-18-2013, 07:46 PM

HA! This bitch is serious~

Stanley Nickels · 04-18-2013, 08:06 PM

Cannibal · 04-18-2013, 08:08 PM

What a ****

CoMoChief · 04-18-2013, 08:16 PM

i only made it through about a few lines.

greek bitches are ****ing stupid.

Prison Bitch · 04-18-2013, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoMoChief

i only made it through about a few lines.

greek bitches are ****ing stupid.

You missed an epic rant. Funniest thing I've seen in months

**bevischief** · 04-19-2013, 06:39 AM

Get her on here.

**Predarat** · 04-19-2013, 08:11 AM

Sabans daughter needs to kick her ass, and someone needs to record it.

**Predarat** · 04-19-2013, 08:13 AM

http://outkickthecoverage.com/nick-s...t-beatdown.php

Halfcan · 04-19-2013, 08:19 AM

She must be a member of Chiefs Planet-lol

trndobrd · 04-19-2013, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jAZ

Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK,

This statement seems counter-intuitive.

**loochy** · 04-19-2013, 11:52 AM

sigma who?

Setsuna · 04-19-2013, 02:22 PM

LOLOLOLOL this is deranged how? She's right. Pussification of America continues.

04-18-2013, 12:33 PM
jAZ Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Tucson, AZ Casino cash: $9847493	The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read As one of the commentors said: a sorority-girl Ari Gold. NSFW words, language. Hidden for the your safety. http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-d...will-ever-read Here's the full email (with the author's name changed): If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough **ing ride. For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ing AWKWARD and so ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ing find you on campus to do it myself. I do not give a flying , and Sigma Nu does not give a flying , about how much you ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ing reeruned? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you. "But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ING ASS HATS, IT ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ING UP AT SOBER ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ing. Team. ARE YOU ING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ING BLIND? Or are you just so ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ING MATCHUP. I will ing punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a if you SOR me, I WILL ING ASSAULT YOU. "Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT. I'm not ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ing awkward than 80 that are ing pillowbitergots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me. And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a . Go ** yourself.
Posts: 24,799

04-18-2013, 07:01 PM	#166
ChiefaRoo MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Austin,TX Casino cash: $5177505	Has anyone friended Rebecca on FB yet?
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04-18-2013, 07:23 PM	#167
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17686178 VARSITY	We should extend an invite to join, and be our new Kirstie Tynes!
Posts: 40,830

04-18-2013, 07:46 PM	#169
hometeam Supporter Join Date: Jul 2011 Casino cash: $4141956	HA! This bitch is serious~
Posts: 10,636

04-18-2013, 08:06 PM	#170
Stanley Nickels [null] Join Date: Sep 2008 Casino cash: $3220893	__________________ Bacon-wrapped shrimp: My first-favorite food wrapped around my third-favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp.
Posts: 6,633

04-18-2013, 08:08 PM	#171
Cannibal Better to burn out... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Bible Thumping Country Casino cash: $10010618	What a ****
Posts: 9,306

04-18-2013, 08:16 PM	#172
CoMoChief Mahomes Dynasty Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $8052254	i only made it through about a few lines. greek bitches are ****ing stupid. __________________
Posts: 39,156

04-19-2013, 06:39 AM	#174
bevischief .... Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Somewhere Kansas Casino cash: $8659352 VARSITY	Get her on here.
Posts: 27,731

04-19-2013, 08:11 AM	#175
Predarat Run Chiefs fans, run!! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Nashville, TN Casino cash: $9973863	Sabans daughter needs to kick her ass, and someone needs to record it.
Posts: 10,776

04-19-2013, 08:13 AM	#176
Predarat Run Chiefs fans, run!! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Nashville, TN Casino cash: $9973863	http://outkickthecoverage.com/nick-s...t-beatdown.php
Posts: 10,776

04-19-2013, 08:19 AM	#177
Halfcan In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $7327995	She must be a member of Chiefs Planet-lol
Posts: 43,200

04-19-2013, 11:52 AM	#179
loochy Hey Loochy, I'm hooome! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: PooPooKaKaPeePeeShire Casino cash: $2170752	sigma who? __________________ Hey Loochy, I'm hoooome!
Posts: 40,449

04-19-2013, 02:22 PM	#180
Setsuna Paladin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Gator Country Casino cash: $10008487	LOLOLOLOL this is deranged how? She's right. Pussification of America continues.
Posts: 13,215