Giving Every Kid a Trophy

[Direckshun]

Figured this is the quintessential CP topic.

Participation trophies for children: agree or disagree?

http://thenewinquiry.com/essays/trophy-season/

Trophy Season
By MOLLY KNEFEL

Despite what you’ve heard, not every kid gets a trophy. But why not?

The end of the school year is awards season, when students of all ages are herded into auditoriums and cafeterias and cafetoriums to sit and listen to adults read off the accomplishments of a select few classmates. Sometimes the crowd is instructed to hold their applause until all the recipients have received their award, and if they forget, they are told, sternly, not to clap yet. By the end, every hand in the room hurts, and the kids who get their awards last get hardly any applause. The winners take beaming pictures with their certificates.

I recently attended one such elementary school award ceremony. The children, who are students of mine, cheered for each other. Everyone seemed to have a great time, and afterwards, kids were leaping out of their seats to give speeches to the crowd about the year’s end. Fifth graders expressed appreciation for their teachers; a first grader told a joke. A kindergartner (who had won several awards) took the microphone, turned to his classmates, and shyly announced: “If you didn’t get an award… don’t cry.”

I’m with him. I worry about the kids who don’t win. Because — and I can report this first-hand — not everyone gets a trophy. If there’s one thing that young people are told when there are trophies to be had, it’s that not everybody should get one. Millennials have been told it’s the thing that ruined our generation, and the ones after us, and the ones today. Adults have very strong feelings about kids’ feelings about trophies.

***

Before I spent any time with J, the only thing I knew about him was that he punched people with relative frequency. On his teacher’s very first day at the after-school program, J punched him. I’d see adults swoop towards him from across the cafeteria or the playground to separate him from whomever he had just punched. These incidents, along with J’s gravely serious, rarely smiling face, gave me the impression that J was bad.

So when J was on my class list for the improv comedy class that I taught on Fridays, I went in braced for a bad kid. We played a game called “Interesting Connection,” where I name two random objects and the kids have to make up a fictional narrative about how they’re connected. Usually it went something like: “What’s the interesting connection between cupcakes and pencils?” and the kids, third through fifth graders, would say something extremely silly, like “A man named Mr. Cupcake was friends with a man named Mr. Pencil and they both invented cupcakes and pencils and that’s the interesting connection.” And then I would tell them to try a little harder.

J was given the objects “Dinosaurs” and “jewelry.” He began, “There’s an interesting connection between dinosaurs and jewelry.” Dinosaurs are ancestrally related to birds, he reminded us. And so, like birds, they made nests. They would weave together twigs and rocks to make their nests, just like birds do. J was so focused it was as if he was at a spelling bee. Because dinosaurs had sharp claws, their feet would wear down the stones they used to make their nests until they were smooth and shiny. And the smooth, shiny stones would be all woven in between long threads of twigs. It was kind of like a necklace, J explained. And that’s how dinosaurs created jewelry.

So I thought that J was bad at not punching people, but it turned out he was quite good at making up an incredibly beautiful connection between dinosaurs and jewelry. And he was good at all the other acting and comedy games we played, too.

This was a wonderful thing for J to teach me, because it’s a perfectly natural thing to see a person who’s punching people and assume that person is kind of a jerk. As a teacher I know, pedagogically, of the extremely important difference between a child’s behavior and the child themselves. I know to never, ever say “You are bad” to a kid, but “Your behavior is currently [too punchy] [too disruptive] [too disrespectful].”

The idea of separating judgement of a person’s behavior from their essence as a person is probably something that should be applied to all ages, but is especially important for very young people. They are new enough to the world that whatever negative thing it is that they’re doing is also relatively new to them. A person who’s been alive for a decade, during which they’ve punched a few people, is significantly different than a person who’s been alive for two, three, or four decades and has spent them all punching people. This is one of the reasons why children shouldn’t be treated the way adults are in the criminal justice system. Of course adults shouldn’t be treated the way adults are in the criminal justice system either.

The worst thing is that, if the adults in a child like J’s life tell him: “You are a person who punches people,” he may very well keep punching people into his second decade, because that’s the thing he’s been recognized for. That’s why it’s important to instead say: “J, you are currently punching people, and you need to stop.” Or, even better, to say: “J, why are you punching people?”

J is much older now, and back then I didn’t know to ask him that question. But I know another boy who’s about his age now, M. He’s incredibly smart and well-behaved, but has always been mysteriously dissatisfied. He talks about hating school even as he enthusiastically participates– his behavior is at odds with itself. He recently told me a story about when he was suspended as a first grader. A bunch of boys were fighting, he says, and he was trying to help (some people may think a 10-year-old is an unreliable narrator when it comes to their own guilt, but I trust M). The adults thought he was part of the fight, and wouldn’t listen to his explanation of what happened, and all the kids involved were suspended. He had to miss class. He didn’t understand anything that was going on once he came back. I had asked M whether he thought suspensions were effective in terms of changing kids behavior. After telling me this story, he said that his answer was yes: “I was already a good kid,” he told me. “But when I came back, I wanted to be a bad kid.”

M has not quite succeeded, in my eyes, at being bad. But I understand why he tries. On the last day of school he said, with a big smile on his face, “I won’t miss this place!” We hugged before he left.

***

The year that J told me about how dinosaurs created jewelry, I got to nominate students for the awards ceremony. Since I teach theater, I was supposed to nominate kids who were especially good actors. The thing about recognizing kids that are really good at things is that the ones who stand out often stand out in many ways– Best Actor, Future Leader, Class Role Model, and so on. I was lucky though, because J was among the best comedic actors I taught, and was also a kid who was unlikely to win any awards for good behavior or leadership or stellar academics. So J got the award.

The word “disbelief” does not do justice to the look of surprise on J’s face when he heard his name announced at the awards ceremony. In comedy, J used his gravely serious face to his advantage– he became the master of deadpan, cracking up his classmates and teachers and never even letting a smile slip when people said how funny he was. After he was handed his award, J walked like a zombie back to his seat and stared at it. I wish I remember anything he said, but I only see his stunned face. When his mom came at the end of the day to pick him up, he showed it to her as she put his arm around him and they walked out of the building.

Not everyone gets a trophy. But it’s so cool to get a trophy. Why can’t everyone get one?

***

The disgust that so many adults feel at the idea of everyone getting a trophy has to do with creating incentives. If everyone gets a trophy then no one will try hard; if everyone gets basic food and housing to survive, then no one will work. Of course, this isn’t true. A soccer team full of 10-year-olds who all get participation trophies won’t all sit down and stop playing soccer– the kids who are good at scoring points will still want to do so. But the kid who never scored a point will, for a moment, be recognized: You played soccer too.

Instead, that kid is supposed to get the message: If you didn’t score a lot of points, no one gives a shit about you. And if that makes you sad, or if you feel that it’s not fair, get used to it. The world is a sad and unfair place. Score more goals next time. This message has always felt at odds, to me, with the equally ubiquitous platitude that children are the future. If children are the future, then why are we so gung ho about preparing them to be treated unfairly?

***

After the awards ceremony where the kindergartner gave his inspirational reassurance to the other kindergartners, I sat with two fourth graders as they waited for their parents to pick them up. One had won an award– “Most Improved,” and the other hadn’t won anything.

The boy who had won was very proud. He said that he really did feel that he had improved a lot over the course of the year. The other boy said that he wished he had won something.

“I would give you the award for most athletic,” I told him, which was true. Even if he can be a bit of a ball hog, he’s good at every sport I’ve seen him try. He grinned and flexed his muscles.

Most Improved’s dad came to pick him up. He showed off his certificate, and they walked out together.

[blaise]

And just to say it again - I think people worry too much about the participation trophy. The fact that a lot of youth leagues don't have playoffs or a championship game is way worse to me.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by blaise

No. I have a high enough opinion of my kids to know that some symbolic trophy isn't confusing them about the value of winning or what they did during the year.

If someone is worried that getting a fake trophy at the end of the year is going to confuse their kid about the value of winning and competition then they must have a low opinion of ther own child.

I don't care if they get it. I don't care if they don't. If the coach just told them thanks after the year that would be fine with me. But if I really thought the trophy was going to negatively impact how hard they played or competed, or made them think they shouldn't want to win then I might be concerned that my kid was just plain dumb.

It's not about being stupid. At least not for the kids. Maybe the adults.

It's about giving them a symbol they didn't earn. The one that will forever be associated with winning something later in life. And your smart kids don't even care about it.

I think id have other things to be concerned about

[Iowanian]

2nd place is the first loser.

If you're not first you're last.

[Nzoner]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

I don't think the argument is really about teaching kids they have to work for recognition, but about the kids who do try really hard and don't get recognized. If you suck at baseball, I think you know you suck at baseball, so a trophy isn't really going to matter much... find a different sport.

But, if you're 8 and you try really hard one year to get your grades up and the best you can do is low Bs and Cs, I'd think not being recognized could have a pretty negative impact, especially if you have siblings or friends who get recognized for their As (even if they don't have to really try at it). Ok, so you're not going to be a brain surgeon, but maybe some recognition for the effort helps the kid stay focused so he doesn't waste the next 10 years reaching for Ds.

I have no problem recognizing achievements,I just don't think they should all be the same i.e. one team gets a trophy they were #1 team 2 maybe the coach takes everyone for pizza and gives the 'ol we gave it a heck of a try and let's get them next year.Still recognition for a job well done just not done as well as team #1

[Pennywise]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

2nd place is the first loser.

If you're not first you're last.

But don't throw 2nd place away trying to win 1st.

[Iowanian]

I guess it depends how many spots they're paying.

[Fire Me Boy!]

Originally Posted by TEX

Yep. Probably he same HR department that thinks its good to give everyone a trophy...

This is actually in my office.



Funny thing about it is it followed a presentation on millennials and the "participation award" mentality. Pretty clearly, it was poking fun.

[blaise]

Originally Posted by Katipan

It's not about being stupid. At least not for the kids. Maybe the adults.

It's about giving them a symbol they didn't earn. The one that will forever be associated with winning something later in life. And your smart kids don't even care about it.

I think id have other things to be concerned about

Yeah, I'm not too worried that getting the participation trophy is going to cloud their judgement about trophies in the future. They're not dumb. They compete because they want to win and hate to lose. They practice hard and play hard. They're happy when they win and angry when they lose. That's all I need to see.

I don't care if the league wants to give them a trophy. Doesn't bother me.

[lcarus]

Originally Posted by Fried Meat Ball!

This is actually in my office.



Funny thing about it is it followed a presentation on millennials and the "participation award" mentality. Pretty clearly, it was poking fun.

Damn they didn't even use a good font.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by blaise

Yeah, I'm not too worried that getting the participation trophy is going to cloud their judgement about trophies in the future. They're not dumb. They compete because they want to win and hate to lose. They practice hard and play hard. They're happy when they win and angry when they lose. That's all I need to see.

I don't care if the league wants to give them a trophy. Doesn't bother me.

Omg omg omg.

It is not about them being stupid. It is about them being entitled.

[Nzoner]

Originally Posted by blaise

If people really want to complain about something complain about the fact that a lot of youth leagues don't register scores or standings. They don't officially say: You won after the game. The kids know, but it's sort of off the record. To me, that's the bigger BS. The trophy is just some corny little thing they get at the end of the year. It's not cofusing them about the value of competition and winning. If it is then the parent is the one to blame.

I'm with you there,my quick story when things were different is our team was in the 5th and deciding game of the All-Star Championships in Pony League,last inning,2 outs and a man on second and I hit a 2 run walk off home run to send our team to the next level out of town.

At the season end picnic trophies are awarded to the team and then coach calls my name to come to the front and I'm presented with a gold glove trophy holding my home run ball that the entire team and coaching staff had signed.I was blown away that someone had retrieved the ball and that I was presented with such an awesome reward for my accomplishment.

Point being it instilled in me that if I worked hard and succeeded that I would be recognized and personally I liked that feeling of being #1.I lost that trophy in a fire many years ago but I can tell you to this day it means everything to me and I would give anything to be able to hold it one more time.

[Pennywise]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I guess it depends how many spots they're paying.

[blaise]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Omg omg omg.

It is not about them being stupid. It is about them being entitled.

Yeah, again. Not too concerned. I don't think it makes them feel entitled to anything.

[Bob Dole]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Sure, lets give every kid a trophy. Lets not give grades in school so nobody feels bad that they got a D while others received As. Lets not celebrate excellence and the hard work it takes to achieve it. Lets do all of this and then when these kids get to the real world where people are judged by performance and actions, they won't be prepared to deal with that harsh reality. Someone needs to punch the moron who wrote this article right in his face.

Funny how it escapes her the J actually EARNED the award.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by blaise

Yeah, again. Not too concerned. I don't think it makes them feel entitled to anything.

Yeah, I'd think if anyone forms a sense of entitlement, it's the kid who scores all the goals and is far better than anyone else on the team, and has a coach yelling at the other plays to constantly feed him the ball, etc.