An open letter to former Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo

[PunkinDrublic]

Cut and pasted this from facebook. I thought it was pretty funny.

Mr. Lombardo



What with your contract woes with Slayer, it seems you are now no longer a member. Well, Dave, they say with every door that closes, another opens. A big door with our logo on it has just swung wide.



That's right, you just got called up to the big leagues. We'd like to invite you to drum for Lich King.



We are the world's premier unsigned western Massachusetts thrash metal band, and a position with us carries a great deal of clout and privilege. In addition to the twelve dollars we can give you out of our pay split after EVERY SHOW, we are willing to offer you a signing bonus of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS and one (1) gift certificate for $20 at Red Robin.



Your duties will include

• Drumming

• Hauling gear

• Driving long hours on tour

• Providing us with a practice space because ours belongs to our current drummer Brian

• Booking tours (also a Brian duty)

• Doing the band accounting (another Brian job)

• Recording and producing our albums (Brian again)

• Telling Brian he's fired



A caveat: we already have a Dave in the band, and to avoid confusion, you will have to pick a different first name. I think Steve Lombardo has a nice ring to it, but the choice is yours so long as it does not clash with any of our names and it passes our approval by a majority vote.



If you accept our terms, there will of course be an audition. We can't just let you in without seeing what you can do. Practice up on any three of our songs. We can send you the mp3s to practice to (we will deduct the 99 cents per song from your future earnings) and can schedule your audition at your convenience.



We await your response.

Cordially

-Tom, Dave, Joe & Rob

LICH KING



.

[Buzz_TinBalls]

Originally Posted by Gadzooks

I've heard many amazing drummers in metal. Vinny Paul is probably my favorite.
These days it seems like drummers are becoming more dispensable with the technology that's available in even the lowest grade of studio.
Look at Chris Adler from Lamb of God. He could probably be replaced by Richard Christie over the course of a week or so.
In this time and age Drummers are replaceable. A good/creative bass player is far more rare.

ya. sure. no.

[Buzz_TinBalls]

Originally Posted by splatbass

As a professional musician for more than 30 years, including as a bass player, I can tell you you don't know shit about it.

this