Who would win in a fight to the death between Simply Red and Zach?

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

The setting:

Small, enclosed arena with no exits. Enough room to maneuver, but not quite enough room for someone just to run away from their opponent.

The weapons:

Each contestant is armed with a heavy rubber mallet and a small flask of hydrochloric acid.





The rules:

There are no rules.

A small crowd of CP spectators watches through mirrored windows.