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03-20-2006, 01:56 PM | #226 | |
MVP
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Quote:
Oh man, that's some funny shit!! But......I don't get it. |
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03-21-2006, 12:52 AM | #227 | |
Homer go crazy!!!
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03-28-2006, 02:54 PM | #228 |
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AMISH ELEVATOR
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the rever se order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother." |
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03-28-2006, 03:16 PM | #229 |
Playing for #1 Draft Pick
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:rolf a good one.
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sig test for this screwy schema |
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03-28-2006, 05:44 PM | #230 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Plotnik?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'" |
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03-28-2006, 05:57 PM | #231 |
Time For Your Wake Up Call !!!
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Somebody ( a KSU fan ) claimed Huggins will run a clean program at KSU.............
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Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it.
John Lennon |
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03-28-2006, 09:28 PM | #232 |
Wheeeeee!!!
Join Date: Nov 2003
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A young blond woman in Kansas City, Missouri was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Missouri River. She went down to the river and was about to leap into the frigid water, when a handsome young man saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm a sailor, and will be leaving off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of your sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is." the captain said. "This is Harrah's Casino and we never leave North Kansas City."
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03-29-2006, 05:02 AM | #233 |
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That may be pushing the envelope for "clean joke."
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03-29-2006, 05:39 AM | #234 | |
Shaken. Not stirred.
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: London
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VARSITY
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Quote:
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My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as, drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs. |
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03-29-2006, 09:35 AM | #235 | |
Banned
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03-29-2006, 09:44 AM | #236 |
MVP
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A Polock walks into a bar with a pile of steamy crap in his hands and says "Hey everyone, look what I almost stepped in!!"
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03-29-2006, 09:50 AM | #237 |
Stuff & Things
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So, a bear walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a beer!" The bartenders says,"Sorry..we don't serve bears in here." So the bear looks around and sees a skanky old maid at the end of the bar and says to the bartender, "You see that old bitch at the end of the bar?" "Yes" said the bartender. "Well, you either give me a beer or I will go to the end of the bar and eat that sad old bitch." The bartender still refuses to serve the bear a beer. So, infuriated, the bear walks to the end of the bar, picks up the old hag and in one fail swoop eats her up. Smiling, the bear walks back to the bartender and says, "Now then, give me a beer right now!" The bartender looks at the bear and says, "Sorry, we don't serve drug users in this bar." The bear agrily yells at the bartender, "I have NEVER used drugs in my life!!!" The bartender leans to the bear and says, "What about that Bar-Bitch you ate?"
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03-29-2006, 01:14 PM | #238 | |
Whip it, whip it good.
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03-29-2006, 01:48 PM | #239 | |
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03-29-2006, 01:58 PM | #240 |
MVP
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A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Last edited by DMAC; 03-29-2006 at 09:12 PM.. |
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