[Hawk]

Here is a synopsis of this week's episode that a guy on another message board I go to does each week. Thought I'd post it here since a lot of non book readers on that board seem to find these helpful:




Game of Thrones Scorecard: Season 3, Episode 1

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Not seen in this episode - Arya Stark, Bran and Rickon Stark, Theon Greyjoy, Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth.

North of the Wall

Sam Tarly, whom we last left cowering as the White Walkers and their zombie army approach the Fist of the First Men, is running in a blizzard. He finds a corpse of one of his Night's Watch brothers, holding his severed head in his hands. A zombie attacks Sam with an axe, and Sam seems doomed, but Ghost is there to knock the assailant away. As Ghost struggles to keep the zombie from Sam, and Sam seems unable to do anything to help himself, the Lord Commander himself sets fire to the zombie.

The last we see of the Night's Watch is the Lord Commander berating Sam for not sending ravens to warn of the White Walkers ("that was your job...your only job!"), and telling the men that they're going to have to march all the way to the wall, despite an army of Others in their way.

Also North of the Wall, Jon Snow arrives at the camp of Mance Rayder, the leader of the Wildlings. Jon is pelted with rocks in the camp because he wears the colors of the Night's Watch, called Crows by the Wildlings. He also sees his first giant, which is a bit intimidating. Still, Jon knows if he wants to see another day, he has to find a place within this camp. Jon mistakes Tormund Giantsbane for Mance, and kneels before the man he thinks is a King. Mance and Tormund mock Jon for bowing to a man - that is not the Wildling way. Still, Jon has made his bones by killing the Halfhand, and after some questioning, Jon manages to convince Mance that he feels sickened and betrayed by Lord Commander Mormont's acceptance of Craster's sacrifice of his son to the Others (or that he has the hots for Ygritte, or both). He wants to fight for the side that believes in defending humans against the Others. Mance seems to accept his explanation.

The Lannisters and King's Landing

Tyrion is visited by his sister, sweet Cersei. She wants to know what lies Tyrion intends to tell his lord father. To refresh your memory, Tyrion has it on good authority that Cersei tried to have Tyrion killed at the Battle of Blackwater. It was one of the Kingsguard, Ser Mandon Moore, who slashed Tyrion's face in the heat of the battle. Tyrion would have died there if it were not for Podrick Payne, Tyrion's squire. Cersei, it seems, fears that Tyrion knows, and that he will tell Tywin. Above all, the Lannister children fear their father.

Tyrion plays it cool, fishing for what tales his sister fears he will say. In a nice exchange, Cersei says to Tyrion "you're a clever man, but you're not half as clever as you think", to which Tyrion replies "still makes me more clever than you."

Bronn shows up to face off with Cersei's two Kingsguards, but Cersei was just leaving. Tyrion and Bronn walk the city as they reaffirm Bronn's protection of Tyrion...at double the previous pay.

Later, Tyrion meets with his father. Whatever Tyrion hoped to gain (sympathy for his wounds, praise for his work in defending King's Landing, acknowledgement as the heir to Casterly Rock) he isn't getting it. Instead he gets a nod to what he's accomplished, served up along with a brutal rejection of any notion of inheriting the Lannister lands.

"I will let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock". "You who killed your mother to come into the world. You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature, filled with envy, lust and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors, since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the Gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about, wearing that proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither Gods nor men will ever compel me to let you to turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse. Go... now... and speak no more of your rights to Casterly Rock." And then finishes it off with a threat to hang the next whore he catches in Tyrion's bed.

That was a pimpslap.

Meanwhile, Sansa sits on the docks, dreamily making up stories about ships, while the ever-practical Shae grows frustrated at trying to deny what is. Littlefinger, aka Lord Petyr Baelish, arrives and speaks privately to Sansa, hinting that he may be able to take her away from King's Landing. He dangles the bait of Catelyn Stark (whom he saw at Renly's pavilion) and suggests that Arya may still be alive.

Ros is with Baelish. You'll recall, by the way, that Varys is actively recruiting Ros to spy for him instead of Baelish. Whether her loyalties have changed, or she just doesn't care for her current employer, Ros (recognizing Shae as a whore) warns Shae to keep an eye on Baelish as it pertains to Sansa.

On to everyone's favorite hero - the gallant King Joffrey. He sees Margaery, his queen-to-be, ignoring the dangers of Fleabottom in order to help and comfort the orphans of the Blackwater. Is she for real? Or is this posturing for the Game of Thrones? The courageous Joffrey is unwilling to leave the safety of his carriage to accompany her. He later shows up, along with his mother Cersei, to dine with Margaery and her brother Ser Loras. Here, Joffrey is a bit more in his element, but he's a novice left to bear witness to the verbal sparring between Cersei and Margaery. Margaery seems to get the better of the exchange, and it's just killing Cersei. Anyone else reminded of Lindsay Lohan's mom?

Stannis Baratheon and Dragonstone

Ser Davos Seaworth, the Onion Knight, was last seen getting blown off his ship by the explosion of wildfire that kicked off the Battle of Blackwater. He ended up on a rocky islet, where he is noticed by a passing ship. Davos is made to speak his loyalties before he can be rescued, and fortunately for Davos, the ship is one of Salladhor Saan's. Salladhor tells of Stannis' court post-Blackwater. Melisandre is burning followers of Stannis who don't bow to her god. Salladhor strongly suggests that Davos leave Stannis, but Davos is loyal. He confronts Melisandre, who throws in his face the fact that he, Davos, is the one who convinced Stannis to leave Melisandre behind for the assault on King's Landing.

She taunts him with the knowledge that she could have saved the men who burned on the Blackwater. She tells him that his son died the purest death possible. Davos loses it and tries to kill Melisandre, but he is restrained. Stannis has him thrown in the dungeon.


Robb Stark and the Army in the North

Robb leads his army to Harrenhal, recently occupied by Tywin Lannister and Rob's sister Arya. When they arrive, they do not find battle; rather, there is a slaughterhouse of followers of Cat Stark's father, Lord Hoster Tully. Lord Tully is the master of Riverrun, whose lands border on Harrenhal. It appears that the Mountain, Ser Gregor Clegane, has slaughtered a bunch of peasants, as well as a bannerman of Tully's named Mallister. The Mallisters, incidentally, reside in Seagard, which has long been a check on the naval power of the Greyjoys.

As Robb views the corpses, we hear Lord Roose Bolton, the second most powerful House in the North behind the Starks, attempt to comfort Lord Karstark by letting him know that his best hunters seek Jaime Lannister, who killed Lord Karstark's sons.

Robb sends his mother to a cell, explaining to his wife that while the Lannisters robbed his men of their sons, his mother robbed them of their justice.

Daenerys, the Dragons, and the Dothraki

Daeny, Jorah, and the remains of the Dothraki sail to Astipoor, a city we've not yet visited. Daeny seeks an army, and in Astipoor they sell slaves that have been trained brutally from birth to be a machine-like fighting force.

Daeny's dragons are growing, hunting for themselves. Still, they're not yet big enough to be a game-changing force.

So Daeny is left to a ends-justify-the-means situation. She is repelled by slavery, but she desperately needs a force strong enough to threaten Westeros and garner support from others, who would sit on their hands (at best) if they didn't think she could win.

The slaves are called the Unsullied, and to demonstrate their training, the slaver cuts off one of the Unsullied's nipples. He does not flinch. The nipples are not the only thing that get cut, as the name Unsullied refers to the fact that they are castrated as children.

As Daeny and Jorah leave the slaver's market, discussing the enormity of the Unsullied training practices, a cute little girl tries to get Daeny to play with her, rolling her a ball and encouraging her to twist the ball. Before she can complete the game, though, a man looking suspiciously like Obi-Wan Kenobi knocks the ball from her hand and knocks her to the ground. The ball opens, and out of it steps a green-glowing scorpion that rushes her. Before it can get her, Obi-Wan's dagger pins it to the dock. The little girl suddenly has blue lips, like a certain char-grilled warlock who resided in the inaptly named House of the Undying. She makes her escape, leaping off the dock in front of them, but appearing instantly on top of the building behind them.

Obi-Wan, it turns out, is none other than Ser Barristan the Bold, late of King Joffrey's Kingsguard, dismissed by Cersei as too old and inept. Ser Barristan apologizes to Daeny, explaining that he was supposed to protect her family, but failed. He wants another chance.