[Demonpenz]

I am from St. Joseph. I have a Bi-Polar alcoholic uncle that always comes in to the party and tries to pick a fight with my dad. My dad is a northside guy and everyone else is a southside guy. So it is an uphill battle already. My aunts and uncles all sneak drinks while at the table and probably smoke joints and pound popov vodka before even getting to the dinner tray.The same aunt and uncle will proudly show their sobriety coins from Alcholics Annonymous. The sounds of thanksgiving to Demonpenz sounds an awful lot like dry heaving from alcohol detox mixed with the rattling sounds of unprescribed narcotics stolen from various houses. I have several residents that clean houses for a living which means they go through the cabinents of old people looking for high grade pain killers. There will be at-least 2 people that piss and shit their pants through the day although sometimes they do well enough to hide it. My dad will sneak off to balance his check book or post on St. Joseph facebook about how Johnny Fry didn't really ride the pony express or some other convoluted bullshit that he manages to stir up online. We will watch the Lions get their ass kicked and people will talk about how awesome barry sanders was even though he always seemed to lose 10 yards and never could pick up a 3rd and 1 when that needed to be done, but hey he juke some guys on NFL FILMS and put up nice numbers in techmo bowl. My cousins will be there if they are not in jail or if they are on the run. Various phone calls will be made by probation officers and most people will ask if this is their red,green, yellow day which means that they don't have to take a piss this day for probie officer. couple of the cousins or aunts will show off their anklets were could be for house arrest or check your pours for signs of alcohol. One of my aunts will ask me or my dad to blow into her 1994 ford tempo to unlock the breathalalyzer so she can get to work at speedys. Mom will say jokes about how I failed another relation ship and how she should have never breastfed me so long. She will then talk about Michael And Martin Rucker. My uncle will talk to me about saving money and getting a 401 k as he gets into is Datson truck that her purposesly slams on the breaks for to get hit from behind and collect money. My grandparents are dead from depression and alchohol so they will probably be haunting people from stonecrest. My dad will eat too much and he is diabetic so there will be issues there. My sister my pee her pants because it's traditions. I will eat so much and try to throw up to avoid the "Full" feeling but then go back to eating once the loose meat sandwhiches get passed around. One person will tell me to tell jokes since I do comedy and then the jokes are squarely about the alcoholic "Fat ass" that asked me to do jokes and the guy will say "Demonpenz aint funny, Jeff Dunham is funny" Into the night will go with various arguements everyone vowing to not see each other again until next year. Someone will die around easter if liver disease or gunshot wound and they will vow to get together more often and thats were thanksgiving 2015 in st joe will start.

I will go to the Hi-Ho or whatever place is open and visit with the alcoholics that will bullshit me in how well they are doing when I can see the grey in their hair and I can smell the bullshit story is not true and they are doing just enough not to get kicked out of their shit one breadroom apartment. That is if they don't live with their parents.

Several people I know will say they moved in with their parents because "You know mom is getting older" and swear it's not because "I have 3 dui's"

I will look around and it will be smoking even though there is not supposed to be smoking in bars. There will be woman who think they are hot when they aren't hot by st. joseph standards yet serveral guys will come inside her that week probably stretching her vagina out even more over the next coming years.

There will be the 50 year old divorcee out on the prowl that thinks she can still work it and wants to hear margaritaville on the jukebox.