Mostly a lurker here, but that made me laugh. We too have a weiner dog named ernie who thinks he is a badass. Would take on a lion any time and not back down. But I digress, the reason I am replying is to tell you our pet door story from hell. About 10 years ago we had a cat named calvin, he was neutered which seemed for some reason to attract male cats by droves. I installed a pet door for him in our new house and thought all was well. One day I came home during the day to get something I forgot and had a strange feeling upon entering our bedroom. After kneeling down and looking under the bed I saw a set of glowing eyes about 4 inches apart accompanied by a growl that made my testicles seek safe harbor.
It was not calvin but a huge black tomcat who had utilized our pet door. I manned up and got some personal protective equipment, namely my housecoat, welding gloves and my wives blanket. (to wrap the bastard in ) I lunged for him and he ripped a hole in my welding gloves and grabbed the belt to my housecoat as he ran by.
I was pissed and now my testicles were back in their rightful place and prepared for battle. He ran to the dining room and leaped out the picture window, only the window was closed and had an inside screen which he ripped for several feet as gravity overcame his escape.
I screamed at him and he took off and ended up, after taking the scenic route through several rooms in the house, in the bathroom. I slammed the door and finally had him !!!
Only, I didnt. I still had to capture my prey. So I took the pet carrier, wifes blanket and beltless housecoat and quickly entered the lions den. I slammed the door behind me in full warrior mode, it was him or me. Suddenly I looked up and that fuc-er was perched on the shower curtian rod, I shit you not. Suddenly my testicles once again ran for cover and i had no idea how to retreat , so, in moment of girls fear or manly rage I threw my wifes blanket at him, screamed and charged. He jumped in the shower and I jumped on him, shower curtian, rod and all.
Finally, I had him somewhere in that melee and I stuffed it all, minus the rod in the pet carrier. I then placed the carrier on the porch and called the city pound.
I then went back to work safe in the thought that the world was safe from that black mountian lion.
When I got home the bastard was sitting across the street staring at me and the carrier was closed on the porch with the blanket and shredded shower curtian neatly folded on top.
There was a note pinned to my mailbox that said, "I dont know if you know it or not but that cat is not nice. Sorry he got loose, the pound".
End of pet door.