[TribalElder]

Breaking these down

Originally Posted by TinyEvel

So far I've got:

Retired NFL Linebacker (Chiefs 1995 - 1998, Saints 1999,Chargers 2000)
Now own an auto body shop in Northern California.

-- possible conversations. Did you play with xyz. When were you drafted. Can you fix my child's car

or

Former Chemistry Teacher, retired. now own a car wash.
-- pretty good not many would care to dive into chemistry or how car washes work unless you accidentally talk to a chemistry lover

or

Own a 4-wheeler tour company in Zion National park.
-- sounds far fetched . ATV shouldn't be allowed in parks. Where is this park, we want to come rent 4 wheelers for a weekend

or

Client sales ambassador for Trivago, Inc.
-- sounds pretty legit and could be real

Beat these...

Originally Posted by theelusiveeightrop

You invented Post-it Notes.
-- my first thought after reading OP. Could provide laughs and deflection of the question

Originally Posted by tk13

You invented a bladder system for oil tankers, so the oil can't spill out.
-- not bad. Perhaps a patent holder for a special grommet that the trucks use to deliver to stations to avoid spills. Similar to post it's but more believeable

Originally Posted by MephistophelesJanx

You sailed with the Merchant Marines for 6 years and worked primarily in ship's security. (1995 - 2001)

You then were recruited by Trident Group where you managed incidental operational security in various environments such as banks, ships, private airstrips and warehouses. (2001 - 2006)
*you worked on cargo ships sailing along Somalia
*you worked private security for Rothschilds when they were moving several millions of dollars worth of gold bullion from their safe to a private plane on their private airstrip and out of the country
*you managed the team that rescued the child of a wealthy family that was held for ransom

All shit that cannot be easily verified and refuted from their mobile phone. (for example, Trident Group is a real security group founded in 2000 that is known for fighting off somali pirates on ships.

-- not bad but you might find someone there that was ex military who will want to hang out all night though

How about being an online or startup investor who recently moved back to the bay after spending some time in KC to solidify deals with a few local online sports blogs and forums helping them monitize their traffic through ad revenue, membership fees, and exclusive content strategies.

-- then you could just keep digressing to stories about kc and chiefs without much suspicion

How fun, keep us posted