Originally Posted by Lonewolf Ed
As a young man, you're most likely not quite sure of things. My 20s were a disaster overall with self esteem and confidence. But, despite that, I was growing into a man who was discovering things about himself and how to live my life as a good man. My big sis, not a blood relation but the sister of my best friend who was killed at the age of 12 in a car crash, has two children, a boy and a girl. Their dad just couldn't relate to them as a father. As I spent time at the grandparents house the kids were there and quickly became very attached to me. The boy would cry hard whenever I left to go home, so I had to hold him for a few minutes until he fell asleep or just stopped crying. So, I found myself being their father figure for those early years.
That made me realize that if you can be a positive figure to a child, that was part of how I defined myself as a man. I was never phony with them; I drank beer, I went to silly topless bars, and such, but in dealing with children, it just isn't something we should discuss. One of my finest memories of the kids was when they were playing on the deck with the boy's toy cars and trucks. Chance had two fire trucks, one red and one green. He was playing with the red one and then got a different toy. Lenzi played with the truck he was playing with before switching to something else. He didn't like it so a tug-o-war ensued. I stepped and said, "Stop this and share. Lenzi can play with it but she isn't stealing your toy. If you keep this up, it's naptime for the both of you." He let her play with the red truck and then they both said, "You're a good daddy." My heart turned into a giant glob of melting butter. I also realized that I needed them as much as they needed me.
So, to sum it up, look within yourself, think about how you can do things to mold yourself into a good man, discover your values and beliefs and that is what will shape you into the man you want to be. It's happening right now with the question you posed. You are defining yourself not only for yourself but how others will see you. Being young, I assume early 20s, you are so lucky. Building your character, finding your values and your inner strength is a beautiful time in life. Don't forget to have fun along the way and revel in joyful moments. Build your experiences; go on a buddy road tip, take a vacation over seas and immerse yourself in a different culture. You will learn a lot from getting out and having experiences which will increase your knowledge. Wisdom will follow suit, but it often tends to lag behind in the race. Don't sweat the small stuff. Instead rise above it until the storm passes. When you do make a mistake, learn from it and don't bang your head against a wall. I have let go of regrets which has helped me keep my peace of mind. If I knew then what I know now, my 20s would have been much more pleasant, but we don't get to press the reset button. I don't sit and wring my hands over how things went in my 20s because time always marches on, so I just have to accept it and live in the here and now. I feel good about myself.
I'll wrap up the rant now and say enjoy the journey you are on, live well and in good health. Thank you for reaching out to me. I never dreamed I could touch people's lives as I have been doing, but it has been giving me great joy. It is very humbling and I cannot express how grateful I am to you all for all you are giving to me.
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