[BigRedChief]

101 most insane things that have ever happened in Florida

1. Accused Florida man says his cat downloaded child porn, not him.
2. Florida man calls 911 80 times to demand Kool-Aid, hamburgers, and weed
3. Man says cocaine in his buttocks isn’t his
4. Man stabbed in confusion over harmonicas
5. Drunk woman calls 911 to say she was lost in woods, did not know where to urinate
6. Trapper trying to catch elusive loose monkey gets death threats
7. Sex-doll threesome man gets off
8. Florida man has sex with pit bull in his yard as neighbors beg him to stop 9. Man sprinkled fiancée’s ashes at LensCrafters, causing Florida mall’s evacuation: Sarasota Police
10. Florida strip club offering free flu shots
11. Roommates’ argument over dog ends with (human) bites, deputies say
12. Florida man beats daughter for 40 minutes to the tune of “Blurred Lines”
13. Woman plans to sue philanthropist after donkey attack
14. Largo man arrested for 120th time
15. Teacher injured in airborne fish attack
16. Florida DMV tells woman she lives on “Eat Ass” Street
17. Man who “exposed himself” tells police: “I was just airing out my penis”
18. “Not Homeless Need Boobs”: Fla. woman asks for donations alongside busy roadway
19. Flaming lingerie prompts K-Mart evacuation
20. Man trapped by fallen water buffalo head
21. Grave keeper sued over monkey’s resting place
22. Woman accused of trying to sell “hot” snakes at pet shop
23. Herpes-infected monkeys terrorize Florida
24. Babysitter accused of sleeping on toilet as 2-year-old wanders to canal with alligators
25. Polk Man pleads not guilty to swimming naked with gators
26. Hybrid man-eating pythons? Florida is on alert
27. Naked man asks, “Taser me, bro,” gets his wish
28. Suspected thieves target school’s frozen chicken nuggets
29. “Twilight” fan charged with making a false report to police to cover up bite marks
30. Peanut butter ball dispute sends Golden Gate man to jail
31. Woman in Fort Pierce said she called 911 because she “ate too much food”
32. “Zombie” attacks guard in nudist resort scuffle
33. Police: Fla. teen accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle
34. Grandma’s last resting place? A Fla. storage unit
35. Man charged with folding woman into couch in Palmetto
36. Florida man arrested for calling 911 after his cat was denied entry into strip club
37. Pregnant woman attacked man with bowl of spaghetti, cops say
38. Man dies after getting stuck in girlfriend’s cat door
39. Potato salad rage leads to woman’s arrest
40. Mom jailed in Etch A Sketch attack
41. PSL man ate stolen ice cream sandwich he kept in pants, police say
42. Lawmaker files bill to repeal state ban on dwarf tossing in bars
43. Conehead mascot in pointy white hood mistaken as Klan follower
44. Suspected Florida prostitute Christina Vavra busted by cop’s “flaccid rubber penis”
45. “I’m guilty. Arrest me,” woman says after cucumber-salad attack
46. Largo man accused of misusing 911 to report Taco Bell for not selling him tacos
47. “Big hairy” buttocks, golf balls cited in St. Lucie County neighbor issue
48. Man stole life-size Justin Bieber cutout
49. Estates man arrested for DUI blames “boogeyman” for motorcycle crash, deputies report
50. U.S. Airways allows man in underwear
51. Dumb blonde joke ends in nipple bite, knife attack
52. Police: Teen stole car, candy canes
53. Woman arrested after assaulting man with butter
54. Man accused of attacking woman with swim noodle over watermelon dispute at Lowdermilk Park
55. Tampa police say woman tried to buy her 80-year-old father a prostitute over Easter weekend
56. Man accused of stealing truck full of Krispy Kremes
57. Florida woman renews marriage vows with Ferris wheel named Bruce
58. Duo stole golf cart from nudist resort for McDonald’s run, Pasco deputies say
59. Kangaroo leads Florida deputies on 10-hour chase
60. Beanie Babies swiped: Men accused of taking little girl’s toys during armed home invasion
61. 75-year-old Orange City man accused of throwing grape at ex-wife’s face, threatening to kill her
62. Drunken woman cries, eats stranger’s food while at PF Changs
63. Florida man dies after winning cockroach-eating contest
64. Robber had shorts on his
65. Polo club founder Goodman adopts his adult girlfriend
66. Thieves kill family’s pet turkey for Thanksgiving meal
67. Lake Park man allegedly obsessed with Fox News, GOP is in jail after threats made to girlfriend
68. Man arrested in DUI case also had squirrel inside his shirt
69. Florida woman Megan causes two-vehicle crash… while shaving her bikini line
70. Florida man too fat for jail
71. Man charged with lawn mower DUI
72. 346-pound man punches Domino’s pizza guy for forgetting his garlic knots, cops say
73. Pink-clad pooch stolen from gay bar by man with Britney tattoo
74. Jackmeoff Mudd arrested In Fort Lauderdale
75. Florida goat skateboards into Guinness Book of World Records
76. Christopher Phillips attacks mom for using his taco sauce, salsa
77. Mark Miller allegedly used sword, sandwich in Florida attack
78. Bogus dentist accused of kissing buttocks of woman with toothache
79. Mom bites daughter who tried to turn off R
80. Florida man bites off girlfriend’s thumb on the way to Taco Bell
81. Florida swingers’ orgy goes horribly wrong
82. Trend of young people drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk hits Florida
83. Wild raccoons invade school, pee on student
84. Largo puppeteer wanted to “cook” and “eat” children
85. “Zombie” attacks continue? Man under the influence gets naked, bites off chunk of man’s arm
86. Man wears drug recipe on shirt, in court
87. Burger King customer ordered “blunt and some herbs”
88. Teen calls cops when she hears mom having sex
89. Lake Park man arrested after confronting girlfriend for “casting spells”
90. Florida man bitten by shark, punched by monkey (twice), struck by lightning, bitten by snake
91. “Mean drunk” smears poop on teen’s face
92. Deputy removes Doritos bag from deer’s head
93. Man tries to trade alligator for beer
94. Florida Man arrested for assault with Taco Bell burrito
95. Deputies: Man terrorized 8-year-old over potato chips
96. Florida Keys woman bites spring breaker’s face for littering
97. Clerk laughed at bandit and just said “no”
98. Florida accidentally banned all computers, smartphones in the state through internet cafeé ban
99. Woman accused of etching image of male genitalia on stranger’s SUV at Publix, left note
100. Man arrested for giving people wedgies
101. Man stabbed brother over missing mac and cheese, beer