Originally Posted by Bufkin
Before I get to my congratulatory speech, I would like to clear the air about a stipulation that was made a few days ago. Me, SNR, and PizzaDoughz had initially agreed that as punishment, the poster who finishes in 2nd place would have to knock on MTG#10's door wearing a Tallit, tzizit, and talit katan. However, after speaking with the Lee's Summitt Sheriff's Department and Lee's Summitt Police Chief Joe Dismang, it was decided that this was stepping into sure danger. Chief Dismang said that while MTG's vehement, insane, and anti-historical views on the Holocaust would prevent such a dangerous stipulation to occur, he would like to extend his congratulations to myself as the 2014 N00b of the Year.
Onto my comments, I'd like to thank everybody who helped make this happen. Although it was determined fairly quickly that I was the most deserving, being the most qualified doesn't always lead to a successful campaign (see John Kerry 2004). Without being too emotional, I'd like to dedicate this victory to my grandfather, who was killed during a Monsanto protest in the early 1970's. It was his philosophy of eating lots of pussy and kicking lots of ass that inspired me to take this competition with as much passion as humanly possible.
I'd also like to thank Coochie Liquor, who has easily earned the silver medal for NOTY 2014. Due to PizzaDoughz's blatant cheating, Coochie's involvement will unfortunately be minimized. Not to worry my Reggae friend, we will remember you. I'd also like to thank the other contestants not named PizzaDoughz who participated fairly, equally, and unequivically.
Now onto you. I hate to be the Ebenezer Scrooge of your little concession speech, but you did not gather any support whatsoever because of your posts. People supported you for one of two, and only two reasons.
1: They hate my guts.
2: They were rooting for the underdog.
Prior to this contest, I'm pretty sure Hootie was the only poster who knew who the hell you were. The moral you should be taking away from this is that if you bend the rules, don't get sand in your vagina when a superior takes action. As a teenager, you most likely haven't learned this. Take it to the real world my friend and use this advice for life. If you are caught meddling with your pay stub at work, the supervisor who catches you will do the exact same. Enjoy your shiny new post count, and wear your unofficial 2nd place medal with pride.
I will be counting up my reps and making an accurate donation to Chiefs Planet here within the next few days. I will also be preparing for a C-SPAN prank call, chosen by CP posters of course.
God bless, and so long for now!
-Bufkin, 2014 N00b of the Year.
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