Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 1 - Mizzou_8541 vs Gadzooks
 

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - On opposing gondolas in the canals of Venice (gondoliers steer as you wish but don't fight)
Starting Distance - 74 feet

Mizzou_8541

Main Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars
Backup Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars

Prep Time - 11 Minutes
Special Factors - None


Gadzooks

Main Weapon - Klingon batleth
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 33 seconds
Special Factors - None

Here's my thinking.

Mizzou is going to keep his distance, forcing Gadzooks to approach. As Gadzooks gets close, he's going to get peppered with a lot of stars. Maybe 15 percent will hit, so he'll take six wounds before closing in. Mizzou will have to wrestle the batleth away to make a kill shot, but I don't think he'll be able to do that unless he got really lucky with the star hits. Gadzooks will close and kill, coming away with some stitches.

Only hope for Mizzou is to find this thread quick and post something that convinces us he is an actual ninja.

good chance swinging that Klingon Batleth on a gondola just ends up with Gadzooks in the water with ninja star cuts. They get infected in that nasty Venice Canal water and he dies a few days later of of septic shock.

As long as Mizzou can keep some distance this is his fight to lose imo.

Realistically the battle probably devolves to both guys in the water with no weapons trying to drown each other.

So a total of 40 small Ninja stars for Mizzou....

This is how this fight goes down:

Gadzooks, hunkered down in his gondola, cruises the canals looking for Mizzou who's had ample time to scout the area and hide stealthly-like.

Mizzou's gondola silently creeps up behind Gadzooks and he starts chuckin' ninja stars, most of which he completely ****ing misses. A few land in the gondola, Gadzooks grabs them and chucks 'em back at Mizzou, killing his gondolier.

As Gadzooks approaches a now sitting duck Mizzou, Mizzou continues chuckin' ninja stars. Gadzooks takes a few ninja stars to the chest and body but keeps standing in battle position. Now he's eatin' ninja stars left and right, taking hits like a cheesy 80's action flick and he's still coming!

BAM! There goes another Ninja star right in the eye. Gadzooks eye falls out but now their gondolas have crashed into each other. Gadzooks boards Mizzou's gondola, rushes him and pin him to the deck trying to push his bat'leth into Mizzou's throat.

But Mizzou has a plan! He held onto some ninja stars and attempts to lodge one into Gadzook's chest! As the Ninja star twists and turns Mizzou realizes that Gadzooks has no heart, as the Chargers ripped it from him long ago. With Mizzou now shocked and surprised, Gadzook uses this chance to chop off Mizzou's head!

Winner: Gadzooks.

No way Gadzooks stays upright on the water. Mizzou with the easy win.

To many opportunities for Mizzou to land a kill shot with a star to the throat or eyes. Mizzou wins.

I gotta think the stars will do damage. He’s gotta be able to hit some, as he’s got plenty of time to practice them. Mizzou wins this one.

Mizzou takes the win here, I do believe.

This is a tough one.

Mizzou could win with multiple Ninja Star hits to both Gadzooks and his pussy gondolier.

However, if Gadzooks uses his gondolier as a human shield he could have a chance to get close and deliver the decisive blow with his Klingon batleth.

I am going with Mizzou on this

Not even fair. Mizzou_8541 in a slaughter.

No need to get in range of that Klingon batleth. Make those ninja star strikes count though. Go for the eyes, come in Paladin style, and finish him off.

- Fin

This is insane. Given ten minutes of training, Mizzou is practically unarmed here. Gadzooks bat'leth is both the vastly superior offensive weapon and useful for defense. 74 feet would take no time to cover in a Gondola. Gadzooks gets low and shields himself making it incredible unlikely Mizzou does any real damage. Gadzooks kills him easily at close range.

Only hope Mizzou has is having his gondolier flee and throwing on the move. Still, Rainman's estimate of 15% is incredibly high in my estimation if Gadzooks is taking any kind of defensive stance. Mizzou has a puncher's chance, but Gadzooks takes this at least 9/10 times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfEdSbT_qZk

Having trouble embedding, but check out this video starting at minute 3. This guy is trained at using these stars and even he is wildly inaccurate. He also points out that they don't do a whole lot of damage. They were mainly intended as a distraction. Mizzou is essentially unarmed. He's a dead man.