Frozen Pizza and Life
 

I went to the grocery store tonight to hunt dinner, and decided that a frozen pizza was the way to go. The village cheered when I brought it home, and we used every part of it as part of our pact with The Great Creator in the Sky.

But anyway, back to the point.

Our grocery store arranges the frozen pizzas by price. On the far left, you've got the Totinos and other stuff that's food in name only. Then you move to the right with Tony's and then Red Baron and Home Run (blech) in the middle. As you move further right you get to the highest-priced stuff like DiGiorno and the overpriced California pizza kitchen.

As I stared at the pizza freezers making my decision, I had an epiphany about life. I thought back to my high school days when I was more or less a third worlder, and in those days there was no option but Totino's. I ate it and I liked it because it was a treat. I didn't get it very often.

Then I got into college and actually did okay on money, and I graduated to Tony's where possible, going the Totino's route only when money got tight. After graduation, when I got a real job, it was Tony's all the way for years.

Then I got married. Dual income, no kids, and frankly it wasn't an issue to pay more for a frozen pizza. I stood at the freezers tonight and grabbed a DiGiorno for $8.49, an act that would have been unthinkable for the first half of my life.

I'm in my prime earning years right now, making reasonable money with few financial worries. If I want to eat out of the right side of the pizza case, I can do it. No problem.

But a time will come when I can't eat out of the right side. I'll retire and I'll have to watch my money and my savings will dwindle, and at some point I'll start eating Tony's again. But this time I'll eat Tony's with the memory of once having DiGiorno. That might make my pizza night melancholy.

And the end of the story is inevitable. I'll be an old man sitting in my house watching TV, and I'll heat up my Totino's pizza and I'll consider it a treat because I don't get to have it very often. Eventually the police will do a welfare check because I'm not paying my property taxes, and they'll find my mummified body in a chair, holding a piece of mummified Totino's.

I wish they would rearrange that pizza freezer.

I hope you die of a DiGiornio-induced heart attack before you have to go back to that poverty frozen pizza (AKA poverty poverty).

Tony's is garbage in a box, I'd take Totinos over that crap any day

Totino's is the best frozen pizza in the store. Your best years are both behind you and ahead of you.

I'd rather eat a Tony's than DiGiorno.

I can't think of ANY frozen pizza that is worse than Tony's. Maybe Jack's.

I will eat Totino's ten times out of ten over eating Tony's.

DiGiorno for $8.49, no thanks,

DiGiorno's sucks.

Tombstone is much better.

Totino's is good for a snack.

I think some of you are already dead. Or at least your taste buds are.

I noticed that Rain Man didn't mention Tombstone. I didn't want to make him feel bad so I didn't bring it up.

I get California Pizza Kitchen, thin crust frozen pizzas are the only ones I'll eat.

Tombstone was awesome when I was a kid but they don't taste as good as they used to imo.

I find jacks and tombstone on sale 3 for 9 bucks every week. If I was going to spend that, I'm calling Fun House with a coupon.