Late night bullshit: Ask me anything.
 

I am having a really, really shitty week. It has left me pretty shaken personally, and I'm not sure what my immediate or long-term future holds.

Because I've had such a bad pair of days (and the last eight months in general have really ****ed me up the ass), I need you guys to cheer me up.

Ask me anything. I promise you I will answer. (Unless I decide not to -- but I will really, really try not to do that.)

Everything's in bounds, with one exception: please don't ask me anything about why I've had a rough go of it, recently. Though I've already posted about one of the things that's happened, minor as it may be in the grand scheme of things.

I just need to be distracted with the alternatingly pleasant, weird, ball-busting, shit-shooting essense of ChiefsPlanet.

I started one of these threads a few years ago when things were pretty dark back then, and CP lifted my spirits. I once again am facing some pretty dark times. So let's make this one less direct and as assinine as we usually are.

Would you **** a goat if you knew no one would ever find out?

I never got why people **** goats.

I assume it's because they're out in the ****ing middle of nowhere, and live in cultures that force them to repress themselves sexually to the nth degree.

Interesting thing I read in Sebastian Junger's War: in Afghanistan, it's relatively common for older men in Afghani mountain villages to have little boys they keep as sidekicks they can **** with impunity. The culture generally allows it.

Why? Because they have an insanely repressive culture interacting between men and women, but society's sex drive will find a way. Even if that way is the very essence of cognitive dissonance.

Should I make myself a burrito or a bag of popcorn? - Limited options I have

Are you frazod?

I actually had my best save ever a few weeks ago -- our very own DMAC was there to witness it.

I play defense, and the keeper unwisely left the goal. So I did what I've done like 100 times -- retreat to the goal and just stand there, hoping to knock a ball away with a legal part of my body when it inevitably bypasses the keeper.

I've never been able to, until a few weeks ago. AND we won by 1. HA.

Best goal I ever scored was in indoor soccer. I was darting down the far side of the field in a 2 on 2 with a defender draped all over me while my teammate had the ball. Like Peyton Manning, he made a back-shoulder pass that I slowed down to receive. With two touches, I dragged the ball underneathe me, and, feeling the keeper leaving the goal, toe-poked the ball past him as the ball hit the near bar and dribbled in.

Easily most satisfying goal I've ever scored.

Absolutely.

Living in Springfield, though... it's been slim pickings.

I was just talking about this last week with a friend. I've only made out with one black woman my entire life. Genuinely didn't like it, though obviously that was more because of our lack of chemistry than it was her race.

I just remember being really, really attracted to her dreds. Then when we started getting it on, I touched them for the first time -- they felt like strands of hemp. I have a virtual fetish for soft, flowing hair, and that was just a deal-killer.

If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).

The question is: taste or expedience.

Your answer to that question lies the answer to your question therein.

Edit: Added "therein."

Thank god, no.

I don't know fraz personally, but life seems too short to be a dick on a message board.

If you could draft 11 players to form a football team, and all of the players had to play both ways plus special teams, who would you draft?

The problem is, once I'm on the ship, it's no longer a ghost ship.

I figure the best strategy would be to establish myself as the alpha rat.

I've watched enough Ceasar Milan to pull that off, I think. Rats are like dogs, right?

Does *this* look infected?