Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 15 - Pablo versus Pestilence
 

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - In a strip club (normal crowd present)
Starting Distance - 68 feet

Pablo

Main Weapon - Baseball Bat with six nails studded into it
Backup Weapon - Bowie knife

Prep Time - 13 Minutes
Special Factors - An angry trained pit bull is on a leash that is welded to your non-weapon wrist

Pestilence

Main Weapon - Two Handed Sword
Backup Weapon - Bullwhip

Prep Time - 11 Minutes
Special Factors - An unreachable 8 year-old kid 50 feet away will shoot you with a BB gun every 60 seconds, starting at t=0.

oh man, pablo for sure because of the dog

The kid is bound to shoot his eye out

Pestlince cuts the dogs head off, the weight of the beast pulls down Pablo and Pest slices and dices to victory.

The dog really gives Pablo the advantage here. Pest is gonna have to choose between attacking the dog or Pablo with that two handed sword, and the whichever one he doesn't choose is gonna have a free attack on him.

Can I assume that the dog is trained to obey its holder?

How long is the leash?

If the leash is attached to a neck collar, it should come off if the dogs head gets chopped off.

This match will come down to whether Pestilence is heartless enough to kill a dog with a bladed weapon.

I think he can do it. My money is on Pestilence, though it's a close one. Really, it depends on whether he's fast enough with a large sword to take down the dog. That's the part I'm not sure of.

Let's assume a standard length of six feet.

Yes, the dog will obey Pablo.

He's ****ed. He had better land a killshot on the dog the first swing and hope I don't connect with a bat to the temple as he does it. Even if he only gravely injures the pit bull with his first swing it will still have enough power and fight in it to really **** up his day.

He's dead. I take the money out of his wallet and then take sloppy stripper head over his disfigured corpse.

Pest. It would take respectable footwork but he has a tactical advantage over the bat and the dog. He just can’t get locked up and need to defend against both.

ROFL

This post may change my mind. God I love this place.

On top of Pest having to deal with killing a dog and parrying away Pablo's zombie killer bat, he's got some bratty little shit popping his ass with BB's every 60 seconds?

Yeah, Pablo takes this. Tough draw for Pest.

That little bastard with the BB gun is going to bury one in your dickhole. Better sic Cujo on his ass as soon as you're done going Tony Gwynn on Pest. Give the dog something to do while Destiny takes your temperature.

I think Pest here. The sword has longer reach than the bat. One swift swing to the head of the dog, jump back and stab Pablo. The whole thing is over in 45 seconds rendering the kid irrelevant

No ****ing way. I like Pest, but you've gotta be pretty proficient with a two handed sword to pull off a move that smooth.

Pest, how skilled are you with a big was sword?

It shouldn't be too tough of a maneuver. Pablo wouldn't be able to charge very hard because of the dog. Sure he could close some ground, but Pest should be able to keep the distance he needs because he's unencumbered.

Even if he just wounds the dog, should be fine because the pair won't get any faster.

If it's a respectable sword the balance should be good enough to do the hacking without any trouble. I watched some interesting videos from scholagladiatoria (link) about how swords are made for speed and aren't some lumbering heavy ass weapon. With the serious length advantage it should work. Like I said, it will take some respectable footwork, but I like Pest here.

I was a huge nerd back in the day and used to have sword fights with my friends. ****ing truth.

There’s a normal crowd of people in the strip club which means Pablo and his dog have to maneuver all of that.

Does the dog (assuming it survived) get to watch??

The dog is dead. Pest could hold the damn sword straight out and kill that thing as it charges, pulling Pablo along for the ride. Good luck swinging that bat one handed with a ****ig dog dragging you around and jerking on your arm. BB gun kid is irrelevant. Pablo doesn’t have enough balance for this.

Pest’s Only disadvantage is his tiny soft non flexible baby fists.

If the dog survives, it would spend all of its extra time sniffing crotches.

Pest throws his wife to the dog and lands a clean swipe on Pablo.

You think he's bringing his wife to a strip club?

Gotta go with Pablo. He seems to have the advantage between the dog, and the kid shooting Pest (who the **** brought an 8 year old to a strip club btw). Also the lighter weapon will help. Gotta take Pablo!

He feasts on innards as the stripper feasts on my innards.

Maybe she works there.

You people need to walk a dog sometime. Especially one that wants to ****ing kill something. No way you could win a fight with a dog chained to you. Pestilence losing is a crime.

It's Pestilence. You guys aren't thinking this clearly.

I've looked into my crystal ball and this is how it goes down:

Pest is chillin', getting a lap dance when Pablo knocks the door down. Pablo stands there, all you can see is his silhouette as the fog machine rolls a thick blanket through the club.

Pest pushes the bimbos away, gets up and grabs his 2h Sword. Then immediately gets shot in the back of the head with a BB gun, which only angers him. Pest charges at Pablo, but then quickly stops as the dog emerges from the fog, barking and gnashing teeth. Pest and Pablo stand deadlocked with a dog between them. That's when Pablo makes his move!

Pablo swings the bat with his one arm but is un able to create any torque, as it requires two arms to swing the bat effectively. This wild, loose swing compromises his balance. The dog lunges at Pest, dragging Pablo to the ground.

Pest grabs a stripper and chucks it at the dog, leaps over their collided bodies and impales Pablo, who' still on the ground, with his claymore.

As Pest walks back to to the table with the ho's, he gets shot in the ass....the fight is over, but since when do little kids listen?

Some people are just beyond ****ing stupid. Go chain an angry pit bull to your wrist and then try and swing a bat with any power or accuracy.

Isn't Pablo sort of a midget too? He's not controlling that damn dog. The dog tying up an arm is a disadvantage.

Seriously. I remember trying to walk my buddy's full blood American Pitt.....it was a big, muscular machine. Fantastic dog. Happy as could be.

But...uh...he was walking ME more so than i was walking him.

I have a 2 year old pitbull that weighs 80 lbs. That ****er pulls me on walks and I'm 250 lbs. And there is no way that I would be able to fight anyone if he was determined to **** someone up.

Truth

Jesus. 250 lbs now? Being a father of 8 sure hasn’t been kind.

ROFL I've always been fat and it's 3 kids, dick. You're thinking of Plow.

'Leash' /= chain.

Pablo has a bowie knife and Rainman has already said that the dog will obey Pablo.

So he just uses the knife to cut the damn leash (it may be tight to his wrist, but that doesn't mean he can't cut it somewhere; later in the leash, collar - whatever), tells the dog to eat you and then should you manage to catch the dog in flight with a broadsword, he just gets you in your moment of distracting with his nailclub.

And even if he some titanium leash or something - angry doesn't mean unruly. The prompt says it's a trained and obedient dog. An angry Belgian Malinois on a leash is a sight to behold but when they're trained, they're pretty much a ball of barely restrained hate. So look at the pit as though it's a well trained police k-9 sort of dog. That 'barely restrained' is gonna be enough for him to keep things on track and when he's within killing range, he'll give the dog the go command and you be ****ed.

How come your hands are so dainty then? It doesn’t make sense.

It was a close match, but at the end the strippers sidle up to Pablo and ask him if he'd like a dance. Pablo moves on to the second round while Pestilence is tossed out into the dumpster of a nearby Taco Tico.

I humbly request that the dumpster also be lit on fire. I feel like Pestilence would like to go out in a little more glory. Maybe keep some hobo’s warm for the night.

You all have chosen to kill a part of Fisty. Way to go you ****s.

We could light the dumpster on fire and then roll the dumpster down the street. In honor of Pest. It would be epic.

It would be an urban Viking burial. People should do this in real life.