I need help fast, guys.
 

I have recently suspected my brother has been into drugs (lost his job, erratic behavior, money troubles, poor hygiene...), and I just found all the evidence I need in his pocket. Two hypodermic needles and heroin (what I presume is Heroin). He is passed out in my parents living room right now. I do not know what the **** I am supposed to do. Our stepdad pretty much despises him for how he treats our mother, and I really do not want to have to tell her this. I also do not want to see him in jail, since that will pretty much ruin his future, and not to mention how it will hurt his chances of getting to have anything to do with his daughter again. I am at a complete loss right now. I have no idea what to do or who to talk to.

I emailed a friend that is a therapist to ask him for information on who to contact and how to go about this. **** this sucks. Anybody here have experience with this at all?? Please help me.

Call 911 get help for him. He needs help above what you can do for him He will forgive you in time but his life is what matters now.

The fear I have for him is overdosing on that shit & You couldn't handle that no one can when it's family. Get help now. Call somebody.

****! What happens to him when they get him?

Don't worry about it save his life then take it one day at a time.

They can get him treatment and you did your part. It's going be up to him to stay clean and sober but at least you can show love for him in support to stop ****ing himself up. It shouldn't be tollerated. Call hot lines to get help

This is going to destroy my parents. I'm going to throw him in my car and cdrive him there. I'm ****ing scared
thank you

First just take a deep breath for yourself and keep cool. stay collective with what your doing.

Prayers sent stay calm. I'd call the ambulance.

they can put him in a wing at the hospital for cases like this he does need the medical help to get over the withdrawels and they can be very bad. Hang tough praying for you .

Here's the rub. You don't need help. He does. You want him to be helped. He does not. You can't fix this problem. He has to fix it. Drug addicts don't want help until they hit rock bottom. The only thing you can do to "help" is push him towards rock bottom. That includes doing things that will be uncomfortable for you, him, your family, and your relationship:
1. You could notify authorities.
2. You could swipe his stash. Tough to get high when you don't have the goods.
3. You could tell your family.
4. You could call 911 and tell them he OD'ed.

You're going to be forced to do something that sucks or do nothing at all and wait for him to destroy his life even more or perhaps even kill somebody or himself. I don't envy you this position but it's probably not your fault and unless you have big brass ones, there's nothing you can do about it.

Damn. That's a tough situation. He definitely needs to get support from his family.

It's one thing if he's just high. You let him come down, (move him to a bed, put him on his side). But, like others mentioned, if you think that he has overdosed, you have no choice but to get help immediately! Try to keep as calm as possible.

He won't have to go to jail but he needs help regardless. What he is doing to his body is far worse than jail. He can regain dignity in time it takes time so a short time getting put in a safe place is a good idea and help keep your mind at ease too.

Exactly this. You have to love him enough to do something that will make him hate you in the short term.

Best of luck.

I don't know if I would tell the family anything untill he gets a few days clean and sober. Family can make things worse not that they mean too but because it's harder on them to deal with. They need to know but not right away imo. Get professional help first then let them counsel you and the family how to best help your brother.

damn that sucks man. It looks like the good advice has already been said.

Who is going to professionally help him without the family's knowledge? Professionals like to get paid. The guy lost his job. It's not like he can turn it in to his insurance.

and no matter what you choose to do. It's not your fault.

I agree with all of this and say that jail could be the best thing for him as it would be consiquences for his actions to learn from and it's not ok to do it. I know many recovering addicts and alcoholics that have been grateful that they went to jail even though they didn't like it at the time it gave them a chance to sober up.

I'd put the hypodermics and 'substance' on the closest table in clear sight and gather as much family as you can [adults only] and wait for him to wake up.

Family can be harsh, but they can drive him to make his hard choices himself, which I think is better than putting him into the system and imposing restrictions against his will.

That's true, I was thinking of hotlines for him to call. Is there numbers he could get to talk about it?

How does that work? Wake him up, put a phone in his hand, and tell him to dial 888-QUITNOW? He's going to be less than cooperative in that regard.

I meant for Bowener to talk to the hotline to get some advise and get to talk to a person on how he could best help his brother. I doubt his brother will be much willing to do anything at first untill like you said hits rock bottom. Bowener needs to find support for himself on how to deal with this monster of a drug.

What about non-profit counseling groups in his city? That would be his best support option, given his financial situation.

Hope everything is ok. Keep us posted.

There usually is places or people that can help. Maybe Bowener could go to some churches & talk to a pastor because this is just bigger than him.

Thank you for the advice, everyone. I cannot express how I feel right now. He did not go willingly. Ultimately he ended up in a cop car. I had to press assault charges for them to take him away. He tossed his stuff in his truck, so they have to get a search warrant (small town, no drug dogs). At least I know where he is now. Time to try for sleep. I have a job interview in the morning. Life is a really funny thing, guys.

Edit: Most likely no help here. It is a rural town of 1,000 people.

I don't understand. how did he assault you while he was sleeping? did the cops talk you into pressing charges for that? I think you did the right thing by calling the cops but be careful.

Huh? That doesnt make sense. Press assault charges for what?

definitely don't envy your position. That sounds pretty rough. Hopefully it'll turn out for the best

Jail won't kill him, probably the best thing for him. Forced rehab.

As long as it's not a felony employers will overlook someone who reached out for help for their own problems.

That's tough to do.

Once again, the planet to the rescue...

Hate to say it but, I doubt your brother seeks treatment. Instead he will obviously be facing criminal charges. From the sounds of it both violent and non-violent in nature. If it is heroin, probably a felony that will follow him around for life. Maybe I wrong, maybe your small town has enough monetary and other resources to afford a drug court where he can recieve proper treatment. Then again maybe you just sent him into criminal court only to have a outcome you never intended. A class c felony conviction for heroin possession in Missouri can carry a sentence up to 7 years. Doubtful he recieves a sentence that large, but the added assualt charge sure doesn't help his now criminal and addiction issues.

You didn't do anything wrong. The relationship between him and his daughter. ..he ruined that. Drug charge...his fault. He wasn't thinking about any of that when he decided to get high. He chose to ruin his life, youre just helping save it. No guilt for what you did.

I'd do the same thing, he'll be treated in a rehab center. More then likely he'll be on methadone for the rest of his life. He should have never put you through that situation in the first place. Very selfish on his part. Kudos for taking a stand.

I hope not. methadone is worse than actual smack from what I've seen. my cousin was on it for several years and it made her a zombie. her doctor switched her to subuxone (sp?) and she got a lot better pretty quickly. she still has problems but at least she isn't in a stupor 24/7.

great advice in this thread....

realize if he's using heroin, he's stuffing down major pain....the only good thing out of this is now can be the breaking point of facing his demons and heading down the road to recovery.


props to you for being willing to step up and help. major courage.

Man, I'm really sorry to hear this. There is not much I can do to help except pray for you and your family.

I hope your interview goes well.

All the best.

never been through it. but I've heard from people who have that used both approaches.
either kicking their ass into gear/tough love, or the more therapudic method.

both were successful, but I'd imagine each situation is completely different.

I'd go with the treatment deal; kicking his ass into the treament center if necessary.

Not exactly true. You can make a difference RIGHT NOW. While he's passed out you need to get all his stash from him. Next drag him into a closet that you can lock and keep him there until he's dried out. You can cut a small hole in the bottom to slip him some water from time to time and maybe some cheese sticks when he gets hungry. Go ahead and tell your mom what's up so she won't get too concerned about what all the noise is coming from the closet. This will all be over with in three to five days. He will thank you later and you'll have peace of mind that you saved your brothers life.

No, do not do this, as it would be felony kidnapping and it would ruin YOUR life if for whatever reason he goes to the authorities.

Sorry to hear about this situation, and I hope it turns out okay for him. As far as feeling guilty about getting him in trouble, keep in mind it was him that put you unwillingly into that situation. He was bound to get in trouble one way or another, either death or drug stings or high in public. No one ever sits at home shooting heroin and ends up making something of their life.

Hope your joking right? The withdrawel could kill him with out treatment and being safe. Being locked up in a closet could make him freak out and really cause some harm. He needs to detox in an invironment that helps people detox.

Spa and yoga vacation.

Good point. My advice would be then to divide his stash up into 5 days worth and give him a smaller amount each day till it's gone. That should get him thru withdrawals.

With other drugs, I might counsel differently, but you need to realize the dire consequences of opiate addiction. It is, literally, a life or death situation.

If your brother were tiptoeing blindfolded along a 2x4 between two buildings 500 ft. in the air, you'd probably tackle his ass and hold him down, which you wouldn't do in "normal" circumstances. That's what he's doing with heroin. Smack addicts always think they're "safe," but anyone can overdose. Your justified in breaking normal sibling and familial norms in this situation, just like in the above scenario, because it's literally a life and death scenario.

A good friend of mine was just dabbling with heroin and ended up dead in his apartment in NYC. It's just way too easy to OD on the shit.

So you did the right thing.

Jail was the only reason my dad was able to kick Heroin. He had to do it cold turkey in county, but it does work.

Now.....what he does when he gets out....that's another story.

Sometimes people just don't want to change.

WOW :shake:

For those confused by the assault charge there is far more to this story than what I have posted on here. They are still in the process of getting a warrant. Unfortunately this town cannot afford a drug dog, otherwise this would have all been settled last night most likely.

Hang in there bro, you did the right thing. Family troubles are tough to deal with sometimes.

I'm sure glad my siblings are a bunch of boring nerds(except me of course).

Let me guess...was there an assault of some kind?

For yourself Bowener go talk to a pastor or somebody in confidentiality. It's ok to break down yourself & get a grip of understanding of the monster you and your brother face. It is on your brother to recover but you got to be able to deal with it some how for yourself too. Prayer is a good place to start and seek guidence.

God speed brother. Hang in there & stay strong.

This is an issue I had to deal with for a long time. My cousin, who I am very close with, is a recovering heroin addict. Until they hit rock bottom, there isn't much you can do to help. My cousin OD'ed and spent a week in a coma, and that was his rock bottom. When he woke up, he was so grateful to be alive that he finally decided to face his problem. He turned himself in for the felony drug charges against him and spent some time in prison, but that time in prison helped him a lot. It gave his life some much needed structure while he recovered from his addiction. It also gave him additional motivation to never use again. He's been sober for almost 3 years now and is studying to become a mechanical engineer.

It's important to remember that when you think you might be helping him, you might actually be hurting him. The best thing you can do safely steer him towards rock bottom. That is the only thing that will convince him that he needs to help himself. The longer he stays hooked, the less likely he will ever be able to get sober again.

You've seen too many movies. There are people who, you know, GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL that should be in charge of this process.

Not a hog farmer.

ya but this isn't a medical problem , it's a drug criminal problem /christianity

Update:

Police finally searched his truck and found drugs and paraphernalia, as well as jewelry that was stolen from my mother a week ago. Unfortunately only the worthless stuff remained. There is still roughly $8,000+ missing, but we think we know which Pawn Shop in Independence he may have tried to sell them at.

Honestly I feel relief knowing where he will be for the foreseeable future. It all still seems surreal. We are hoping the judge leans toward a court ordered rehab program, but the county judge isn't know for leniency.

You did the right thing dude, this was the wake-up call he needed... even if, as Hamas said, it makes him hate you for a while.

When/if he straightens himself out, he'll be grateful that you had the balls to do it.

Were i in your shoes i wouldnt second guess it for one second, it had to be done and you did it... good job, sometimes love is tough.

Good luck. Didn't you have a job interview today?

Yep. I don't feel like it went well. My mind was on other things obviously, and I slept a rough 90 minutes before I had to get up. It isn't the end of the world. I will have other chances. I actually found another opening today closer to where I currently live, so that is pretty great!

Word for word this. Good job making that tough call. I feel for you and get your rest. Good luck getting that job stay strong. You put it in Gods hands now.

bullshit cops don't give a ****. They only care about bust counts.

Thoughts and prayers are with you guys.

Damn. I do not know what others in this thread have told you, but DON'T call the cops on him. He will NEVER forgive you, and might cause him to reject any future help from you.
TALK TO HIM. Ask him if he wants help. A lot of people who are caught up in those kinds of drugs are trapped by them, and would do anything to be able to get off of them, but can't deal with the withdrawls. May be the case may not, but you need to know before doing ANYTHING drastic. Again, Don't attack him. Talk to him. If he wants help get him into a facility.
Start there, and let us know what he says.
Note: He's not gonna be honest with you unless you come to him from a place of logic.
(you're gonna die. You're ruining your life) Try to level with him. Do not preach. Do not bitch him out. He knows what he's doing is wrong.

Looks like it is too late. His brother turned into a thief to fuel his drug habit.

OH shit. I should have read the rest of the thread. I didn't know he was already stealing and shit. The situation had already progressed beyond my suggestions, I guess.

Yeah. Really, the only hope is that he actually gets into trouble with that shit. That stuff will ruin you and I'd rather destroy my relationship with a family member than stand by and watch them kill themselves. If and when they sober up, they'll be more apt to recognize you were looking out for them.

That is actually how the Hell's angels used to do. Except they would tie you to a tree.

This is all well and good except he violated family code when he stole from his family. You have to treat him like a common criminal. If someone else stole $8000 from your mom and came back drugged up looking for more, what would you do? You unfortunately have to suspend the family tie until he decides to honor his side of it. I had to lose my brother for several years and a niece has never come back around due to addictions. Stay strong.

Yeah. The guy that's stealing to feed his addiction isn't even bowener's brother in a way. The addiction stole the brother long before it stole the jewelry.

The recovery rate for opiates just sucks. I mean, all recovery rates suck, but that one sucks especially. It's a long, hard road back. For most people it requires physical, psychological and spiritual healing on a miraculous level -- not just for the addict, but for the ones who love him as well.

There are no hard and fast rules except for how it inevitably ends if the addict can't figure out a way to fight for his recovery with every ounce of energy he can muster.

I can offer nothing but nothing but prayers for everyone involved.

So true. I was hoping he caught it at an earlier stage than what it had progressed to. It is without a doubt the hardest drug problem anyone will have to deal with. It cannot be done alone.
Hopefully this saves his life. His actions have already warranted him getting popped. So he will definitely forgive him with a little time.

Agreed. Didn't know it had gotten that far.

Tough situation man, sorry to hear about this but turning him in or calling 911 was the best thing, and the right thing, to do. It's time for acknowledgement, accountability and justice (for the money and things he stole)and healing. Addiction is so hard to deal with but as it's already been said, he is past simply being supported for having an addiction. Prayers are with your family.

Guys, I cannot thank you enough for everything that's been said in here. Even stuff that may have been bad or incorrect advice. Just seeing the dialogue between people in here some how cheers me up. I guess, in a way, it makes this whole event more real or normal in a sense... maybe not normal... more human? I don't know. I do know that right now I do not give a damn if he hates me and curses me to hell. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. What I do know is that that next time I hug my niece and look her in the eyes I can do so knowing I didn't let her down. I didn't let her dad leave, and go off to his death. I am most proud of that.

With that being said, this is going to be hell, and I am going to be the one doing the heavy lifting and shouldering the burden as much as possible. My family is an old family. Mother and father are 65, and our step-father is 73. All have major health issues. I have an older step-brother, who I love dearly, that has CP, and can barely get around on his own now. I am 28, and will be looking after my 32 year old brother the rest of his life or at least I may have to. I know my brother very well, and it will take a god damn miracle for him to stay clean or sober. However, if the insurance company for the jewelry steps in, his primary caretaker will be a warden for several more years.

Be prepared, it may take a LONG time before he will see it's his own fault. Hang in there and stay positive.

That's a heavy burden to bear. Make sure that you don't carry it on your own. Talk to people about the stressors involved, even if it is on here.

You have my best.

I don't envy you at all, I really am sorry you and your family are taking the brunt of your brothers problems.

They like going to court so they can rack up the overtime too.

man the last thing you do is call the damn cops.. who the **** offers up that genius advice?

you watch too many movies. drug sting? laugh

ya this thread is the epitome of statism -- let the state handle what a family should be handling. albeit, on my dime. I'm sorry your fam has a problem, but I am sorrier how how your fam handled it.

That is bull shit. Cannot blame the family for his actions to do drugs or blame them how they handle it. The guy has to own his own responsibility of his actions to do drugs. Are you above any of your family members doing drugs? You are a lier if you say yes.