Tip for Job Seekers
 

Show up at your freakin' interview on time. Seriously. If you show up 45 minutes late to a JOB INTERVIEW, it makes a BAD IMPRESSION. I don't care if you missed your bus or overslept or had other things going on. I don't care at all.

There are no excuses for being late to a job interview. Zero. If you were pulling people out of a burning car en route to the interview, that's great and I commend you for it, but it only takes three minutes to pull people out of a burning car. You should have planned ahead to be within sight of the interview location an hour before your interview. You should still be on time, but with a slight aroma of burning rubber and a great story for me.

I guess possibly if you were on your way to an interview in Holland and you saw a dam breaking, and you put your finger in the dam, and it then took an hour for the dam repairers to show up, then that might be a feasible excuse since you saved countless lives. But I'd still want to see it on the news that evening, and I'd want to know that there were no other people around who could have switched fingers with you.

Here's how you go to a job interview:

1. Drive to the interview with plans to be there an hour early.
2. Walk to the front door of the place an hour early just to be sure you know where it is.
3. Go to the nearest coffee shop and check out the company's web site and come up with some good questions and talking points.
4. Show up 10 minutes early.

Sheesh. Humanity amazes me sometimes.

Did I get the job?

5. Don't call and back out of your interview 1hr before your scheduled time, and then anticipate an interview when you re-apply a year later.

6. Your potential employer doesn't have a bad girlfriend. You do. He doesn't care.
7. Don't answer a text while you are talking with a potential employer. Shut your phone off before entering.

I deserve this job because I'm a person. Pay me. It doesn't matter what skills I have or how hard I work.

Also, raise my minimum wage to $20 an hour - because I deserve it.

Don't "no show" to an interview. If you aren't going to go....****ing call and cancel ahead of time. Nothing pisses me off more than having to sit on a panel and waste an hour of my time because you decided to not show up.

Don't swear in an interview. Had one guy drop F bombs the entire interview.

Don't write on your resume that you know Microsoft Office. That's like telling me that you know how to use a telephone.

Is it? There are plenty of people that are woefully underskilled in that software suite.

Then don't put in the job requirements that the applicant needs to be proficient in Microsoft Office related products.

I love that shit.

Me: What software do you have experience with and what level of proficiency are you at?

Interviewee: I know Microsoft Office.

Me: And?

Interviewee: Oh, I know Outlook, Word and Excel.

Me: :facepalm:

Don't put down was responsible for "X". What did you specifically accomplish and more importantly, how does that skill/experience translate to this job?

Heh, that goes both ways. I had to wait 25 minutes for the guys to show up who were going to interview me when the property I was working at last year was being sold. I took that as a bad sign and ended up finding another job.

Did the mother****er get the ****ing job or what. ;)

Don't show a little thigh when you have a whole lot of thigh.