Florida never loses.

64 year old Drunk lady wants to chat up 911.....

Apparently, 911 is the loneliest number.

Deputies in Vero Beach, Fla. say that 64-year-old Fleurette French dialed 911 on multiple occasions in March because she was "lonely," according to an arrest affidavit obtained by TC Palm.

A dispatcher says when French made an emergency call around 8 p.m. on March 30, she reported a medical issue and noted that she had been drinking. The dispatcher stated the woman "was in no obvious distress."

A medic sent to French's home told deputies when he got there, French admitted she had really just called "because she was lonely," but she was nonetheless taken to a local hospital.

Investigators then found French had called 911 five times between March 22 and March 30. Each time she was drunk, and each time she was transported to the hospital, according to the affidavit.

Doctors found that French had no medical issue. She was charged with abuse of 911.

French isn't the first lonely individual to allegedly call 911. In 2010, an Ohio woman was accused of repeatedly calling 911 and asking dispatchers out on dates. She was also accused of urinating in her apartment building's hallway.

Last May, an Oklahoma man allegedly dialed the emergency line 17 times in one day to try and talk dirty with the operators.

This guy was really caught with his pants down.

Volusia County deputies say that transient Dwayne Cook, 45, was discovered Tuesday half-naked in the bedroom of an Oak Hill, Fla., woman he had allegedly been stalking, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

Erica Freeman, 25, told law enforcement that Cook has a "perverted infatuation" with her and has repeatedly shown up at her home uninvited, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. She said that on one occasion, she woke up to the man in her bedroom massaging her feet. Another time, she says she saw him watching her from the woods. She had called deputies about the incident, but Cook was never found.

Freeman and her husband, Cyle Freeman, had just returned from a trip to the store Tuesday when they opened the bedroom door and say they found Cook inside with his pants around his ankles, according to Click Orlando. Cyle Freeman says he punched Cook in the face, after which the intruder jumped out the window.

Maintenance workers in the neighborhood called the police after they say they saw Cook go into another home at around 4:30 p.m. They noted that blood was dripping down his face.

Deputies entered the home and arrested Cook, charging him with stalking and burglary with assault or battery. They also noted he had sustained a cut to his forehead.

Gators fan.

Laquavia....oh NO YOU DIDDNT.....

You can get in a lot of trouble for pulling someone's (third) leg.

Laquavia Sharelle Wallace, 22, was arrested Tuesday in Manatee County, Fla. after she violently pulled on her ex-boyfriend's penis, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

According to the report, Wallace had gone to her ex's Bradenton home to pick up their daughter, and when the man invited her inside, they got into an argument because Wallace "wanted to start another dating relationship with [the victim]."

Her ex didn't want to start dating again, and deputies say the argument escalated until Wallace "grabbed [the victim's] penis with her right hand and began pulling on it, which caused pain."

A relative of the victim witnessed the incident, according to the report. The ex-boyfriend refused to file charges against Wallace, but deputies charged her with domestic battery anyway.

Bradenton Patch reported that Wallace was released from jail the next day after posting bond.

"AHHH, no more yankee my wankee, the Donger needs food!" :#

And higher gas prices.

It's safe to say April 9 was a crappy day for Orlando resident Michael Johnston.

Not only was the 44-year-old arrested for allegedly shooting up a public dock, he admitted to pooping his pants while being questioned, according to a sheriff's report obtained by TCPalm.

Deputies from the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office say they got the straight poop from Johnston when they responded to a report of shots being fired near the Gifford Docks in Vero Beach around 9:20 p.m.

Investigators found Johnston, who they say admitted to drinking at least eight boozy beverages and firing shots at a glass bottle.

No one was injured in the incident.

Deputies noted about 20 shots were fired, and that the dock had sustained bullet holes and other damage. The report also mentions that he defecated in his pants while being questioned.

Johnson was arrested on charges including criminal mischief and using a firearm while under the influence of alcohol.

Nemeha Millen had a first date she'll never forget: good conversation, a long walk in the park, and getting carjacked.

On her 21st birthday, the Florida woman went out with 19-year-old Donald Bernard McGee Jr., whom she told police she met after he started sending her text messages.

The two strolled through a Boynton Beach park until around 10 p.m. when the couple went to a nearby Wendy's to wait for McGee's brother.

But instead of stealing a kiss, McGee allegedly whipped out a gun and stole her car, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel.

"I grabbed my purse and then he fought me for my purse with a gun," Milien told WPBF-TV. "He pointed it at my face."

Officers chased McGee on Interstate 95 for about eight miles until he lost control of the vehicle. He faces charges of armed carjacking, robbery with a firearm and possession of marijuana.

Milien told the station that she has no plans to date anyone else anytime soon.

It may rank as one of the least romantic dates in history, but it's just one of many bizarre carjacking stories that have popped up in recent months.

In February, 7-month-old Ayanna Julbe went on a wild ride after her parents left her in their idling car when they went into a store. The vehicle was carjacked, but the thief abandoned the vehicle -- and called police -- when he realized there was a baby on board.

In January, two armed men in Orlando, Fla., attempted to carjack a Corvette, but were unable to figure out how to work the manual transmission.

And in December, John Brigham allegedly instigated multiple car crashes while driving in Scottsdale, Ariz., After the pileup, he allegedly stripped completely and carjacked a Prius.

Just another reason to drive a manual.

That was pretty shitty of him to do.

From the Orlando Sentinel:

With a last name like that, no wonder he got caught.

Elijah Slocumb, 35, is accused of fervently masturbating on Smathers Beach on Friday.

A witness told police that the man "had his penis in his hand and was making up and down motions, indicating masturbation," according to a police report sent to The Huffington Post.

During Slocumb's date with Palmela Handerson, "his whole body was shaking," the woman told cops.

Police arrested Slocumb and accused him of intentionally masturbating and exposing his genitals in a "lewd and lascivious exhibition."

A man from Polk County, Fla., allegedly told women he was a Boy Scout trying to earn a community service badge so they would let him massage, kiss, and sometimes suck on their toes.

Reginald Cruz, 23, was arrested on Wednesday after allegedly asking a 10-year-old girl if he could touch her feet, apparently for sexual gratification, The Tampa Tribune reported. The child's mother called authorities after she ran inside.

Authorities charged Cruz with lewd conduct on a minor, obtaining property by fraud and battery.

The 23-year-old told authorities that he's been approaching women since he was 6-years-old, according to a Polk County Sheriff Office news release. Cops said his victims were usually dark-skinned and have ranged from 10 to 32 years old.

Detectives said Cruz has changed his background story as he's aged. Most recently, he allegedly claimed to be a medical student conducting an experiment, according to WFLA.

Authorities believe Cruz has victimized more than 100 females, including children.

GPD: Would-be squirrel-killer injured after taping cartridge to BB gun

By Cindy Swirko
Staff writer
Published: Friday, April 26, 2013 at 11:33 a.m.
Last Modified: Friday, April 26, 2013 at 11:33 a.m.
A man who tried to shoot a squirrel for dinner by taping a .40-caliber cartridge to a BB gun was hospitalized with shrapnel wounds after the cartridge exploded, Gainesville police reported.

A sworn complaint was filed against William Daniel Lloyd, 31, for discharging a firearm in public and possession of ammunition by a convicted felon, Officer Ben Tobias stated in a press item.

Officer Diana Mattern responded to a medical emergency call at 600 SE 12th Terrace and learned that Lloyd had taped the cartridge to the end of a BB gun to shoot a squirrel, Tobias said.

Lloyd fired the BB gun, causing the BB to strike the cartridge’s primer. The cartridge discharged and fragmented, striking Lloyd in the upper arm and lower leg.

He was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.

On Friday morning residents at his listed address said Lloyd had been released from the hospital and was back at work.

A sworn complaint was filed in lieu of arrest because of Lloyd’s injuries.

The state Department of Corrections website shows that Lloyd served time in prison for 2009 offenses for grand theft and trafficking stolen property. He was released in November 2011.

Lloyd told police he was trying to shoot a squirrel with a Pumpmaster 760 BB gun. His girlfriend told police that Lloyd told her he was trying to shoot a squirrel for dinner, according to police.

Lloyd and others at the home bandaged his wounds but he continued bleeding.

“Lloyd stated he knew he had been hit, but did not know how badly,” an officer wrote in the report.

Lloyd told police he knew he was not allowed to possess ammunition and that he found cartridges while “scrapping” — looking for scrap metal.

All of Miami has AIDS.

Jeff Ireland gave it to them.