Eye-Oh-Wayne-E-an AMA
 

Today is a milestone day of sorts for me and I'm a little reflective. I've got some unexpected downtime so today is your lucky day.

Answers will reflect the questions...serious will be taken seriously, great questions will receive a thoughtful answer, and anything else will be handled accordingly.

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Did you ever think you'd be posting on this site 17 years after its creation?

what's your current opinion on me? Considering our rough start - out of the gate in 2015?

Unless you're sitting on it......

A hotdog contains all of the options and essential ingredients to be a sandwich. Meat-bread-condiments....you can add cheese, chili, relish, kraut. If you're poor, you can split the hotdogs, fry them and serve on toast, or my preferred method, toast with some scrambled eggs on top of that.

In short, if you're a real American, you can bet your ass that a hotdog is a sandwich.

If you could grab a mulligan on any specific moment in your life what would it be?

Also - are you excited for Spencer Ware's return? I seem to think he's forgotten around here.

Why is today a milestone for you, if you don't mind me askin?

if you could have one of the following return as a poster - which would you choose?

Endelt
Gaz
Mr. Blonde?

I always get you mixed up with Hog Farmer. Are you related to Hog Farmer?
Posted via Mobile Device

17 years ago, I thought internet people were nerds and used to make fun of people in my life who did the chat rooms and online sites to converse. I remember one friend who was always going to meet people she called friends, and I laughed at her and made a lot of gang bang jokes.

What's strange is I still feel weird about it, and never tell people in my real life that I participate here and find it somewhat embarrassing. I'd catch far more grief at deer camp if they found out about my participation here than if they learned of my internet history.

That said, I have met some people from here over the year and do consider them friends. The very first person I met from this site about 16 years ago will be where I am in an hour, because we have developed a professional mutually beneficial relationship that began with fart jokes here.

The past several years I've thought I was closer to not posting anymore, but there are some people here that as odd as it is to say I consider friends, and have shared some shit with a couple that I don't talk about to people in my "real" life. Some of you are good sonnabitches.

If Angelina Jolie said she would have sexual relations with you if you let her insert fingers into your ass, would you let her? What would be the cap for fingers at once?

I don't recall a "rough start" with you unless it was under a different username, but it could be like the school yard bully that people hate and he doesn't remember being a dick to them.

I think you're a very sincere guy, I'm guessing a good human being/neighbor but you're one odd duck. You seem nice.


As to Spencer Ware....I'm pretty excited about his return to the lineup this year. He offers power running that the Chiefs have missed, and his ability to take carries to keep Hunt fresh will be huge in the 4th quarter. Both of these guys with fresh legs and the ability to catch the ball are exciting. I also think he'll offer an upgrade in pass protection.


Of the 3 posters you listed, I'd be happy to see any of them return for different reasons. Gaz was a gentleman who had a quirky sense of humor and some football knowledge, Endelt was funny and you never knew what he was going to do...its' unfortunate he lost the planet in the divorce. Mr Blonde was very interesting, but most of his legend is probably due to the way he left. Give me a coin toss on Endelt and Gaz but I'm probably secretly hoping it's endelt because of the humor.

Not a big deal, just one of those Milestone birthdays that has me reflective. I'm closer to death than birth for sure.

I'm not related to him, I don't know him, but I think he's a top shelf sonnabitch.

Truth, I have no interest in plastic women. I'll take the girl next door over a plastic face, bolt on hooter-trimmed lip cooter-American any day.

She just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because in High School I kissed a girl that had bit lips like hers, and they were cold, dry and cracked and a total turnoff.

I'll never receive a finger that isn't attached to a medical professional for a highly necessary reason.

Sounds great! Thanks for the response!

HBD boss

Have you ever engaged in a political discussion with someone that has changed the way you've looked at an issue?

Assuming you have, what was the discussion?

Assuming you haven't, what does that say about you as a person?

NSFW
 

What do you do for a living?

As I can recall you seem to always give people decent ladies advice. Are you a ladies man?

why is cable sooooooo much better than satellite? asking for a friend.

Okay thought of a question for you.

Im in a situation where Im dating a fat woman. She is everything I could ask for in woman except she is just you know, fat. She is like one of those women that you would bang her behind closed doors where nobody is watching or could see you but then on the other hand, you don’t want to be seen with her because you feel youre going to be embarassed being with her because she is just soo fat that others may think, “yo that dude could do better you know?”

So it is an insecurity issue here. But honestly, I kinda want to be with her because she is just so awesome on the inside. Her personality is a 10/10. I know she is wife material, I know that one day she will be a beautiful mom and best of all she is capable of being that best friend. I do like her but Its just don’t want to be seen woth her. So what to do? How do I handle this?

How fat is she? Is she tall? Big tits?

She’s about a running backs size. I’d say 225. She is about my height, 5’10”

Double D’s bro

As long as she's gentle, the sky's the limit.

**** what anyone thinks. You know?

Iowanian - WTF is wrong with people?

Keep on keepin on bruh

This will be the toughest question for me to answer, not because of not knowing but because I've spent too many late nights thinking about it.

In some ways, I wish I had a bucket full of mulligans I could use but I have always wondered if the things I would change had a purpose. Is there a reason the things I'd do over happened that have resulted in the person I am and the life I have today, and in most cases the answer is yes.

One thing I'd do that probably would have improved my life but not changed it...I wouldn't have cut as much weight in High School wrestling. I think it played a major factor in a health issue I've had since I was 17. I fight a lot of stomach issues today that started with barfing before the finals of a tournament and still exist today.

My biggest concern with the real answers are that they aren't pleasant. I'm providing three answers to this, one had a positive result, one is yet to be determined and the last I'm unable to find a reasoning. So...for the purposes of this answer, my assumption is I KNOW the result of an event and can change it.

1. When I was 17 we had a farm accident where a cow went wild and stomped my mom up pretty bad, I was maybe 20' away when it happened and by the time I got to her she was hurt badly, and the cow turned on me and I ended up with some broken stuff and a hospital stay. Given a mulligan, I would be able to prevent those events and save my mother a badly broken leg and some pretty cool head scars. The one reason I wouldn't is because that event really put life into clarity for my folks and myself. I was kind of an asshole 17 year old at the time, and I've never disrespected my parents in any way since that day...so in a way, a lot of good came out of it. They relaxed a lot and seem to enjoy their lives more since that day.

2. When my son was 3 I was at a small gathering with friends on the 4th of july. We had a bon fire in a fire ring, were sitting around just having a couple of beers(literally 1-2) and were going to watch a friend shoot off some fire works. I was closer than 10' away, but my son was shaking his butt at the fire(because he was wet from a cooler splashing on him) and tripped on the ring fell flat on his back into the fire. I pulled him out pretty fast and dunked him in a pond, but given a mulligan I'd stop that event 100 times out of 100. He's ok today, just has some scars. He's tougher than boiled owl shit. Maybe this event changed something that I don't know, maybe it helped define something for my kid, maybe it helped me re-prioritize my work-family dynamic because I was working too much...Don't know but I know I'd react a minute faster knowing what I know. Please get rid of those metal fire rings. Build something safer with landscaping blocks a couple wide with some rock in the middle.

3. I'm going to just post this even though I don't want to...., and I've mentioned/deleted it when I was drunk a couple of times. Last summer I was outside with my kids one evening and heard yelling at a neighboring farm. Without going into graphic detail, I jumped in my truck and drove 1/2 mile thinking I was going to stop a domestic assault for some neighbors I didn't know....It wasn't. When I got there a couple of other close relatives had also arrived and were starting CPR on a child that had drowned in a pool. I worked on the child for quite a while and it did not have a happy ending. A lot more to it, but I'm not sure if my mulligan would work, but If I had a mulligan I'd probably go 1-2 minutes faster than I did and hope it made a difference...but I'm not sure it would. I'd go half an hour earlier and shake the parents into paying attention if that was in the rules.... I'm still trying to figure out the lesson on this one because it's a shit sandwich. The majority of the people who know me personally don't know this story.....Still shouldn't share it but I'm going to for this reason. I have guilt and I have a personal need to 'right the wrong'.

I started donating blood because this event has to have some positive result for my own sanity. I'm sharing that story to encourage you to become CPR certified if you're not, and if you have kids that are new parents encourage THEM to do it. Maybe the reason that happened and my instinct to respond was so that someone here will read this, get certified and save someone. It doesn't always work and I can't describe how much is sucks when it doesn't, but I've been there when people didn't know what to do.....So. If you're reading this, help me right a wrong in my life and do something positive in the name of a child you don't know. It would take you half an hour to donate blood and help someone. It brought me back to my old support of 37forever. Also important....send those kids to swim lessons as soon as you can get them in. If you can't afford it, call me.

I'll never answer a tougher question.

This isn't a cut-n-dry yes/no question.

No one has ever convinced me on some serious topics...that I won't go into, but the 'big ones' you wouldn't discuss at a holiday meal.

I deal with a lot of political items in my real life, through associations, positions I've held and current work. There are times when rational people present facts that change my opinion sometimes. I'm a reasoned thinker even if you don't want to believe it. In my real life I put my time and money where my mouth is and have for a long time. I don't give money to politicians but I'm not a person that just complains about something.

If you'd like to say anything about me as a person, I'd invite you to **** yourself in as many colorful expressions as I could conjur.

How much can a woodchuck chuck wood would Chuck Woolery chuck as much wood as a woodchuck?

I'm not comfortable sharing what I do for a living but I've used the same formula for dirty hard jobs as I have for the one I am finding success with in my career. I will say though that I have had professional dealings with more than one person who posts here. All positive on my end.


I don't know if I'm a ladies man. What I AM is happily married to a home run woman. She's prettier than I am. I'm not 6'3, I'm not a super hunk....but I'm honest, funny, hard working and swing a hammer with confidence. Like anything else if I have advice it's based on what has worked for me, or what HAS NOT worked for me in the past. People make dating too complicated.

I'm the wrong guy to ask. I fired cable in exchange for a satellite company that doesn't appreciate my business. Once I figure out how to watch football in a way that I think works, I'll be switching to the choices these whipper snappers do with streaming services.

I'll answer this question differently than I would have 20 years ago. Who cares what someone else thinks? The one thing you'll find out that being happy at home trumps anything else. If you like her, you OWE her more respect than to be "ashamed" of her. If SHE has issues with her body, then you OWE it to her to be supportive and nice and make her feel confident. If it's the only issue, my suggestion is to say "hey, I've been letting myself go a little bit and I'll do better if I have a battle buddy to keep me motivated on days I don't want to go" and then take her for walks-hikes-bike rides or the gym.

That's the best part of getting to the age I am, where I care a lot less what insignificant people think. Friends come and go and a real friend would only want you to be happy anyway. Some of my favorite people in the world are heavier than they'd like to be.

Brideowanian works out all the time and runs races and stuff and I hate the gym and my knees are too shitty to think running is a good idea. I kind of hope she likes fat dudes because I'm not sure how long I'm holding this studly package together in it's current form.

**bonus feature. In HS I had a ball cap that said "no fat chics" but I was a complete fraud on that statement.

So you outsource then? If not, I'd think speed and power would be key.

I know you love Iowa.
What State is your Second Choice to live in.
And am I correct that Iowa is your fist choice State?

Ever been to Nordic Fest in Decorah? Highly recommend it if not.

I like this question. I do live in Iowa because I choose to. I choose to for family reasons and the way of life. I've had many opportunities to go other places and have lived in other states including Colorado.

I guess my second state would depend on why I was moving and what age. Honestly I doubt I'll every leave Iowa and they'll shoot my ashes out of a potato gun over some field or pond someday. That said, I can see a day where I live somewhere else part of the year(cold). I did like Colorado when I was there and did some interesting things, but the thing I didn't like was some of the personalities I encountered. I could also see me in Arizona and in another life I could have been perfectly happy living the wild man's life in Alaska.

So....Colorado, Arizona, Alaska and though I've never been to Montana-Idaho area I think I could do just fine up there too.

It's not where you are, it's who you're with for me.

I have not, however I have worked in that area a few times and do like it. Northeast Iowa has a lot of interesting things to see and do.

Also of note, I have stayed in a hotel that Rainman played a role in it's existence.

Hotel Winneshiek. Rain Man showed me some local Decorah news thing about its opening, and the lady who invested her money in the restoration talked about how the consultant told her it would be a bad investment. I'm going to guess that was him.

That’s a hell of an answer. All the best to you.

Go Chiefs.

My instinct answer is "i'm not talking politics with you, ****ball".....


But in light of the AMA. My views have significantly changed related to Marijuana and particularly medical mj. Some of those discussions and facts were due to conversations here some were in my personal life. I've migrated from against it(dirty dope smoking hippies) to indifferent(do what you want if it's your thing) to borderline supportive of full legalization.(medical absolutely)...even though I've never used it.

Do you think you could survive "Naked and Afraid in New York City" with a naked female partner?

Do I get to use anything I'm able to "obtain" in the environment?

I will be spending my 4th of July vacation in Galena and Dubuque. Convince me not to just end it now.

Full disclosure, I was born in Dubuque.

Well your dropped in the middle of time square it's survival you get to bring one item with you what would it be?

Where do you think the term "tallywhacker" came from?

My condolences

I ate a damn fine pizza a couple doors down from Hotel Winneshiek 2 weekends ago. I thought Decorah was a pretty neat little town with no shortage of incredible beers on tap.

Carry on.

Did you ever figure out who your kids' father is?

I've been in Galena for non-recreation purposes a few times. There are things to do there for sure.

To keep you from "ending it"....I'd tell you to go down to Marquette-McGreggor to Pike's Peak state park to camp and hike. I'd tell you to go to effigy mounds, mines of Spain, there is a new aquarium in Dubuque, stone cliff winery, and it seems like we went on a canoe ride in a cave somewhere...Ghost cave? Spook cave? Something like that.

On one hand, there are days when they've been cooped up due to weather that make me wonder...On the other hand, it sounds a lot like you are questioning the virtue of the lovely brideowanian, which will only lead to course language.

I haven't heard course language in over twenty years.

Let me break down the week 1 syllabus
1. Sexual History insults
2. Physical Appearance and you
3. twelve steps to no vagina without exchange of currency
4. Ancestors and lead based paint correlation

One item? Give me the good knife. With all of the hippies feeding birds I'm getting fatter on pigeon wings than when I got there. I'll have clothes and shelter in an hour.

I took an ROTC course in college entitled "Survival Escape and Evasion" in addition to rappelling, marskmanship and orienteering and field first aid. These are in addition to the man skills one obtains living the life I have so far. I can make fire, traps, snares, shelter in several methods.

My biggest concern is slipping pasts George Michael in the outhouse when I need to take a dump.

I don't know, but when I was a little kid one of my grandmothers referred to it as a "do-floppy".

My answer would be "I could survive until I got home". If Bridowanian is like my war department you would die at her hand shortly after finding out that you were nekkid anywhere with anyone other than her.

Mabe's. Good stuff.
I have a brother in law with a house for sale in Decorah if anyone is interested.

Iowanian No questions. We have PM'd. Someday we will meet.
Go Iowa.

Mr. Iowanian,

When it comes to CP rep, you carry a big stick, wielding a quick and vicious wit, virtuosic verse and rhyme, devastating and timely beatdowns, and homey advice and wisdom.

My question is two fold:

!. Any regrets?

2. If you had to give up one of your CP superpowers listed above, say from a tragic bee herding accident, which one would go, and what would you replace it with?

Do you still believe the "spare the rod spoil the broad" philosophy?

Paper, plastic or do you re-use?

Hmm knife how interdasting. I'm sure New Yorks finest wouldn't think your a deranged naked lunatic wielding a knife around?

You sound like an insecure pussy. She is obviously too good for you.

And I wanted to leave a nice post before I read your last couple sentences

I smell a trade.

You faulting him for being honest? Seems like he’s trying to overcome his sincere aversion to her physical appearance by seeking his better nature.

double dee boobs, YO!

I do, however I have slightly modified the saying to spoil the broad with the rod and have found it an effective technique.

It honestly sounds like he's full of shit.

Thanks for posting Mom.

I guess my answer depends on what you mean by regrets. In my life I think I've addressed the big ones already. On CP if I have a regret it's that there have been a couple of times I was embarrassed by how far into the gutter I allowed myself to go in a couple of disagreements. I'd have chosen a higher road on a handful of occasions. Very rarely have I been angry when I've let someone have it, it's just been for sport and my personal entertainment.

If I had to trade one of the skills you've listed it would probably be the best downs or the poetic stuff. If I had to exchange that for a superpower it would be the ability to see the poster on the other end theoughntheir webcam. It would give me the ability to identify smack material, know if they apwere angry or sad and adjust my posts accordingly and appropriately. Looking back I wouldn't want to beat someone if I thought they were down. Maybe I'd try to help before the sporting smack when appropriate.

Don't worry, I won't tell them tha.t you're posting in sweat pants and a bronco tube top.

I've discovered over the years that Iowa is full of hidden treasures, tell me about a cool place or event in Iowa that few people know about but may find interesting.

Paper condoms are failed science.


I typically use plastic, except st the hardware store when they have those "anything you can fit in the bag is Twenty percent off. brideowanian uses those canvas bags a lot but I don't think that far ahead. We have a thing that holds the used bags and we reuse them for a variety of things ranging from trash bags to transporting eggs or honey when I sell it.

There is a relatively new music festival in the small town of St Charles that is about half an hour from Des Moines called Hinterland. I'll be going there to see sturgil Simpson and several other great bands this summer. https://www.hinterlandiowa.com/

Des Moines has a shitload of live music if you watch...in a couple of weeks I'm going to a show on the river at the simon Estes outdoor theater. It's cool. Lots of shows.

There is a shrine built completely out of small stones located near west bend Iowa that is pretty impressive Called the grotto of the redemption. It's a religious site but you don't have to be churchy to think it's cool.

A guy has a thing called the freedom rock, where he has and does military appreciation type paintings on large rocks. He does one every year near greenfield for Memorial Day and it always has a theme. Veterans have their ashes sent to the guy to have them mixed into the paint for them. He has one in many counties and they are all unique. You could turn those into several day trips.
https://www.thefreedomrock.com/

If you like pure athletic competition at a high level....go to the Iowa high school wrestling championships. You'll probably shit yourself at the atmosphere at the finals even if you are t a huge fan.

Every part of the state has something interesting that I like.

I miss Iowa. Hopefully I can retire in Okoboji.

Did you ever do 2 chicks at the same time?

Do you think Mahomes will bring KC a Super Bowl title to us?

How big of an idiot do you think I am?

Have you ever seen the witch from the DSM capitol building?

I admit to being stumped. I've seen a lot of witches at the capitol but they are usually crazy cat ladies protesting something.

I know better than to answer the first question.

Yes, Patrick mahomes will also lead the Chiefs to a Super Bowl. 2020.

I'm not registering you on my idiot meter.