The Pussification of the American Male Demonstrated by a Longass, Boring ****ing Post
 

Dear Chiefsplaneteers,

I need help. When it comes to dressing myself and looking cool in doing so, I struggle. I've been told the last few years that I dress nicely, but this is ONLY because my wife picks out my outfits for me.

Over the years, I've literally had to learn the hard way about apparent fashion "no-no's" by someone pointing out to me how stupid I looked by wearing certain combinations of clothing. In every single one of these instances, I had already worn that clothing combo SEVERAL times and spent the rest of the day thinking about how many people had thought I looked stupid as hell over the years for dressing that way.

Examples:

A.) I had a girlfriend in high school, who prior to leaving my house for the county fair (ugh), she INSISTED that I did not wear Doc Martin boots with shorts and that I changed into either some jeans or put some sandals on.

B.) We had a freaking exchange student from Brazil who had a better sense of our culture's fashion than I do. The first week he lived with us, he said to me, "why do you do this, wearing your socks with sandals? I think this is kind of weird." I was like, "oh, I think that's how we do it in the U.S.A." He was like, "no, it isn't." He was right.

C.) I had another girlfriend in high school who insisted that I did not wear navy blue and black together.

D.) In my first Senior year of college (I had 2 of them), we arrived at this club and one of my best friends was like, "dude I think it's the funniest thing in the world that every time you wear a black dress shirt, you also wear a brown belt and brown loafers with it." I was like, "what's wrong with that?" He was like, "dude, that is a HUGE fashion no-no. Didn't you know that?!?! I never said anything to you because you are always acting like a jackass, so I figured you were doing it to be funny. Omg Swaff, you can be so stupid." And boy did I feel stupid...I had been doing that my entire life.

Obviously, dressing cool does not come naturally to me.

So, I got this thing in the mail from SI. They had an offer that I thought was freaking awesome. A one year subscription to SI and a jacket of a team of your choice for $29. You can check out the offer and the jacket here: http://www.si.com/offer29 I generally just disregard mail like this, but I decided to go through with this one and am pretty pumped about it. I'm real pumped about the jacket, for the only Chiefs jacket I have at the moment is a 1990's Starter jacket that my grandma found at a resale shop and bought for me. I don't mind it, but my wife won't be caught dead with me if I wear it, so I never wear it...I'll probably end up donating it...to the resale shop.

Here is a pic of the jacket:

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphot...13052348_n.jpg

Is this jacket presentable/cool enough to wear to a game or to wear out in public at the bar while watching the game? I literally don't know, I have no fashion sense and my wife is a Steelers fan, so of course she doesn't think it looks cool. Help a fashionably challenged brotha out. Thanks.

Sincerely,

rico

<3 XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXO <3 :hump::hump::hump::hump::hump:

Teh ugly

If you wear it during a Chiefs game, I don't see anything wrong with it.

EDIT: And granted it's a real cold day.

Team jackets are lame, period. It's not 1995.

Damn. This coming from an Iowan like me....Iowans are not only usually 5 years behind the times in terms of fashion, but they are also who I will be wearing this jacket around if I do wear it...so this says a lot.

Only if you grow a mullet and get some sweet zubazs to go with it.

I'm really, really picky with my chiefs apparel tho

Thrift store and get a vintage chiefs jacket.

What do I do to overcome the lame?

I'm a bit superstitious with what I wear... as ridiculous as that sounds. At wrestling events I try to wear 1 of 2 shirts. Either a vintage Dick Tracy t-shirt or a plain black t-shirt that reads in white lettering, "Team Grabass." The "Team Grabass" is a shirt that some dudes and I on this wrestling message board created because this guy created an account and was genuinely pissed and gave a lot of us shit for "playing grabass" on a thread that was dedicated to doing so. We ended up clowning on this dude for a year. When I wear both shirts, good things seem to happen... shit, I've only had the "Team Grabass" for a year and a half and my youngest bro has racked up Grade School State, Freestyle and Greco state championships while my 2nd youngest bro has placed 4th at state in folkstyle (standard U.S.A. HS/collegiate style) and 3rd at state in both freestyle/greco (Olympic/International style)...all of these accolades with me in the corner coaching them with that "Team Grabass" shirt.

Anyways, what should I wear on NFL Sundays to not look lame?

My wife has the same exact hair color as me. She has hair extensions. When I put those on, it looks like a legit mullet. Maybe this will work....?

I would wear it to games or trips to grocery store. If I was going out for the night, no chance.

That would be so choice!

Your talking to a fanbase that still has the Zubaz pants ready to go on gameday...

PM Simply Red. He seems to be the fashion aficionado around here.

I thought about specifically requesting a response from him in the original post because I have caught on to the fact that the dude apparently knows how to dress to impress.