Items that should be on the U.S. citizenship test.
 

Right now, immigrants have to know stuff about the Constitution and government and stuff. That's all well and good, but knowing those facts won't let you blend in with America. What else should be on the citizenship test to be sure that our newest Americans are really American?

I'll offer the first few suggestions, and I'm sure you can offer more.


1. Demonstrate proper knowledge of how to stand in line. Don't stand six inches behind the person in front of you. This is America. We have wide open spaces here. And don't sidle to the side of the person in front of you. (This is the reason for this thread. Some person was right on my bumper in a line tonight.)

2. Eat an entire large pizza in one sitting while watching The Three Stooges. But not an episode with one of the Joes.

3. Successfully identify the woman in the red swimsuit in the 1970s poster.

4. There's four minutes left in the fourth quarter. You just scored and are down 24-20. Do you go for 1 or 2?

5. A car horn should be used a) no more than once a year, or b) whenever you're within 100 feet of another vehicle.

6. Identify at least six eerie similarities between Kennedy and Lincoln.

7. Name the three branches of government. (I figure this is a good one to keep.)

8. Complete this sentence: If you don't like the weather around here, just wait ________.

9. Name at least four of the castaways on Gilligan's Island.

10. Complete this sentence: "And we're cli-i-mbing the sta-air-waaay .... to __________"

11.) BE MERICAN!

John Elway is a...

A. Horse
B. Horseface
C. Horse ****er
D. Piece of horse shit
E. All of the above

Robert Plant is English.

This offends me.

You should be fired because my feelings are hurt.. cuz MERICA~!

did I pass?

Perhaps it would be better to provide an answer to "Welcome to the Hotel __________."

You're at a red light in rush hour traffic. The light finally turns green. Do you:

A) Start moving as soon as the car in front of you starts moving

B) Wait until the car in front of you is 6 car lengths ahead of you before you start moving

Name the deputy from Mayberry.

Tables.

Hotel California was written in Mexico.

Bonus question: How many bullets said deputy is allowed to load and carry in his gun?