I hate the internet - Thanksgiving Edition
 

Cooking a 22 pound bird tomorrow for only the second time in my life. (long story) Was putting together my schedule for tomorrow to at least try to time everything correctly and made the mistake of looking at multiple websites to try to determine an approximate cooking time for this beast.

The plan is to roast it unstuffed, in the oven, at 325*. Bird is sitting in a brine as we speak.

I've been to 10 different websites, and they all seem to say something different. I'm seeing times ranging from 3.5 hours all the way up to 6.

Help a brother out - roughly how long is this bird going to take?

Don't eat it too early....you'll get worms.



....I got nothin.

I've cooked exactly one. Used one of those oven bags. It turned out fine.

Doesn't yours have one of those little timer things that pops out when it's ready? That's all I judged by. (other than the instructions on the turkey) :shrug:

Sorry dude. Vodka has taken over. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving to all.

If you fried it you wouldn't have this problem...


I got nothing either. Sorry. try Angelo?
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The wife says to aim to four hours, then use a thermo to check until it gets to 165 degrees. Let rest for 15-20 minutes.

She wants to know what kind of brine are you using?

3-3.5 hours probably...is what 'm finding

don't know if it is sacrilegious...but i've always used a cooking bag and it comes out fine

Does not have a timer. Not sure I'd trust it anyway.

I'm smoking some breasts, but doing the big bird in the oven, primarily because I like my house, and I'd likely burn it down if I tried to deep fry it.

Thanks.

Using this:

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/produ...-turkey-brine/

Had a bird brined in it last Christmas, it was ****ing phenomenal.

nevermind, i see what you're talking about....every ****ing site is different by an hour

At least.

And yes, I know I should have asked this more than 12 hours in advance.

LMAO

165 temp does seem to be a consensus...

i'd plan for about 15 mins per lb and check w/ thermometer towards the end

Where's the sense of adventure?

Be epic to burn the mother****er down with everyone there...
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Oh and jk ftr
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Yeah. Which means I'll pull it at just under 160. There will be close to 5* of carryover.

Thinking of starting it an hour "early" just in case. If I need the extra hour, I'll have it. If not, then I can always use the 'ole faux cambro trick.

marinate in vodka
then cook until detroit scores a touchdown
if detroit does not score a touch down,
wait until somebody says ROMO is an elite QB
at which point you turn the turkey over
discard it's tin foil tent,

did I mention the tin foil tent, sorry just thought of it

and cram a can of fosters in to it's nether regions
may not do any good , but male cooking must involve beer

remove when the last announcer finally agrees that dallas has no shot at the play offs again
by that time the skin of the turkey should have reached the texture of jerry jones facelift

take 4 vodka shots from the turkey drippings and declare it done


it's crazy enough it might work

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/N5fXp0-NT5g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

At 325* I'd think 6 hours would dry the shit out of it.
3-3.5 sounds about right. You bagging it or just sticking it in a pan in the oven?

Looks good. Williams Sonoma is the shit.

Our brine is something she found online from the Food Network. It has in it molasses, honey, soy sauce, garlic, kosher salt, thyme, sage, and red pepper. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

She's also making a batch of jalapeno deviled eggs. I don't know why we just don't play the "Drink the Ipecac" game and see who lasts the longest.

:hmmm: that sounds excellent.

3 1/2 hours is way too short of a time to cook a 22 lbs turkey. That's the amount of time for a 12 lbs turkey. I always buy a 12 lbs turkey and know its 4 hours tops stuffed or 3 1/2 unstuffed. A 22 lbs turkey is more like 5-6 hours at 325. 6 hours stuffed 5 1/2 unstuffed. I'm brining mine as well then when I put it in he oven I put 2 cans of Budweiser and butter in the pan to flavor up that skin. Also cover with tin foil till the final hour.

I recommend dynamite and Tortilla chips.

Roasting rack/pan. No bag.

I finding 6-7 hours unstuffed

Yes, yes it does.

I might have to add some Jalepenos and juice into my next batch of deviled egg salad.

Yeah, I'm curious. I'll report back and how they turn out.

BEST CASE - Nom Nom Yummy, fall asleep drooling on self
WORST CASE - Combination of jalapenos and deviled egg stuff (not to mention the rest of Thanksgiving fare) sends intestines into spastic shock, turning tomorrow into a story that starts "Remember the year Bowser barely made it to the toilet on time?" "Yeah. We had to freaking leave! I was scared for his health!"

All in all, we'll have THREE batches of deviled eggs - Jalapeno, Original, and Smoked Salmon with Capers. I'm assuming if one or both of the new recipes fall flat, we can still have the original to fall back on. I like how she thinks that will save her from future ribbings.

Just found an app on Butterball's website, it's saying 3.5-4.

My favorite grilling/BBQ website has an entire page dedicated to turkey, and it is saying 3-3.5.

I'm gonna plan on 3.5-4 hours. And I think I'm gonna start a shade early just in case, and resort to using a cambro if it's done early.

cdcox is pissed, but his wife has a retort.

Just remember that the ideal time is 15 minutes per pound. Some people even preach 20 minutes per pound.

Don't listen to Johnny Vegas...he doesn't know shit.

It's 3 minutes per pound.

It's five minutes per pound; these ****ing True Fans don't know shit.

Yep three minutes per pound in the microwave. :thumb:

and leave it uncovered. That's what makes it juicy.

I think the trick was leaving a can of Budweiser with the bird in the microwave. Explosion of juices.

LMAO

I see what you did there

If I didn't know any better it sounds like a black Friday deal in London at the local peep show theatre.

Come to ChiefsPlanet for advice on cooking Thanksgiving turkey, end up eating take out Chinese.

Sounds about right.

I'm going to go ahead and call NOM NOM right now.

The stuffing and all of the other goodies in your gut will soak up the japs.

If all else fails, I'll drink my dinner.

New bottle of Laphroaig 18 year, new bottle of Black Maple Hill bourbon, a case of Tank 7 and a half case of Bell's Two Hearted Ale.

I think I'm set.

lol. no shit.

Don't trust CP for anything except antifreeze advice.

oh...and AIDS.

In all seriousness though....it really is 3minutes per pound.
Hope this helps.

k thx bye

I've got my deep fat fryer set up in my kitchen, so I'm all ready for tomorrow.

Shit. Got room for 8-10 more?

Excellent move on your part getting the cooking directions NOW, by the way. Get a good combo of those drinks going in your bellah first, and you may have just shoved that turkey into a ****ing potato gun and launched it into the Mississippi after you cooked it too long.

Good luck tomorrow. Report back on the finished product.

For future reference 12-15 lbs birds cook better and taste better. If you need more, cook 2. Looks like you have a pretty good handle on it now. I've never roasted a bird indoors. I either smoke or fry them, somebody a little of both.

Bleh

I usually cook at a higher temp than 325 so I can't swear to this, but I think you're looking at 4.5-5.0 hours. Personally, I've followed Alton Brown's brined turkey advice for years and I've never had a problem. Tomorrow I'm doing one on the smoker and one on the grill, just because.

Next year buy a thermometer with a remote probe and an alarm. That's what I used before I switched to deep frying. Follow Alton Brown's directions for cooking and it's unbeatable. No need to cook all day as long as you get a good temp reading in the thickest part of the breast.

I always buy Butterball turkey's because they come with directions and they are no fail (I've done over 20 of their turkeys).

At 325 unstuffed and uncovered you are looking at 4 hours plus or minus half an hour. Doneness is determined by temperature. You want the breast at 165 and the thigh at 180. Getting the thermometer in the thigh at the right place is a little tricky.

"The tip of the meat thermometer should be placed in the thigh muscle just above and beyond the lower part of the thighbone but not touching the bone, and it should be pointing toward the body. For the stuffing temperature, the tip of the thermometer should be in the center of the body cavity." http://www.butterball.com/tips-how-t...turkey-is-done

Cover the breast with foil about 2/3 the way through cooking.

Oh my...wait until Fire Me Boy! sees this. You should just get the "I'm leaving forever" thread going now.

This definitely!!!

If you know what's best for you, you'll grab some food and water and lock yourself into your basement.

Just make sure you use a thermometer.

then his 22 pound turkey is done in an hour. that isn't right at all if he's roasting. I think your mixing up roasting times with deep frying times which I thought he was roasting his.

http://www.teltru.com/s-44-food-service.aspx

http://www.teltru.com/images/Product...m/26100556.jpg

Yep. He's looking at 3-4 hours at 350 in a roaster. as always though, the temperature of the meat is the deciding factor.

Bingo

This is the plan.

It went in at 10:00, I'll check it with a thermo at 1:00 and go from there.

CAPERS

DON ****ING CAPERS AND A REAL HEAD COA-...



My bad, reflex. Have a good turkey all...

Side Note. After posting about the TEL-TRU I wanted a few more so I want hunting on EBay and found one hell of a deal. This guy has them at $9.99 or Make Offer. I offered him $7 a pop with free shipping on 5 for a total of $35.00 and he took it. It was like a buy 1 get 4 free price. It looks like he has 7 more left, so if anyone is in need. Here you go:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Tel-Tru-BT27...item45fd278f52

4 hours and 5 minutes and it was perfect.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

Boom.

happy bird day to you too buddy!

Congrats. happy Thanksgiving to you too
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You probably cheated by using some fancy turkey cooktime forecasting software.