Once a cheater, always a cheater?
 

How do you feel about this age-old question?

Can you ever fully trust someone that's cheated?

How about when a woman (or man, if that's what you're into) cheated on their significant other with you, dumped the other person, then began a relationship with you? Anyone ever had that situation? Did it work out?

If you're brave enough, has anyone here ever cheated? Was it a one time thing or recurring? Were you ever able to stop your adulterous ways?

One time, easy for me to realize it was a mistake but a lot had to do with my significant other being a bitch so it was in spite. Now I have a great girl that treats me great and would never ever think of cheating. Ever.

I think it's pretty rare for people who cheat to change their stripes. And a relationship that begins with someone cheating on someone else with you probably isn't going to end well (it definitely didn't for me).

I feel that it is possible for someone to change if they are a cheater, but it's up to them. I cheated on my lying ass bitch face ex, (see the "would you rather" thread for details,) with a previous ex, who in turn was cheating on her then husband who she cheated on me with before that. (Wow, that's a lot of cheating.) Anyway, I cheated ten years ago. I am now 33, married, and have two daughters. I can honestly say, the life I have now means more to me than some random piece of ass.

Why live with that shit in back of your mind? Get out why you still have the upper hand

Of course people can change. I believe everyone has it in them to change for the better. But it is definitely up to that individual, it's not something you can generalize I would say.

The more important question is "Can you trust them again whether they deserve the trust or not". Even if they change, if you can't get over the moment you are wasting your time and theirs.

I knew she felt guilty and wanted to change, but at the same time I knew I could never trust her again, so I made the decision to leave. Not her problem, mine.

once a whore always a whore

I used to think one instance of cheating was just a fleeting thing.

No. I've learned second hand that if you cheat once you're going to do it again. Get away with it twice you'll get away with it forever unless you're a total ****ing moron.

There are roughly 3.5 billion women on the planet. Find one who isn't a tramp.

"If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

If someone is ****ing around on their SO with you then they leave them for you it's a pretty safe bet you just became that SO.

Some good stuff in here; pretty much echoes the way I feel. I already have some deep-seated (deep-seeded?) trust issues so I don't think I could ever come to trust someone that I know cheated.

It reminds me of an old boss I had though. He had started a relationship with his then-wife a few years prior while they were working together. Apparently he had been asking her out for a while and she kept denying him. Eventually she gave in and they started a relationship; the issue is: she was already in a relationship at the time.

So I asked him if he ever worried that the woman that cheated on her significant other to be with him would ever do the same to him. He said "No. That guy was just lame and I'm awesome."

They went on to have two kids before he found out she had been ****ing a good friend of theirs.

You know, the more I think about it, it's probably a blessing I'll be single. Why the **** would you get emotionally invested (at the very least) when all your significant other is going to do is break your heart anyway?

Better to lose a hand every now and then than to fold every time.

Even when you literally go all in with all that you are monetarily worth plus whatever you have intangibly knowing there's a sizable chance you'll lose it?

Ahhh, I get it. You're saying never get married.

Perhaps.

You never truly know what will happen though, that's why I posed the question.

I mean, if a woman ever cheated on me in a relationship- it's ****ing over. The thought of my woman with anyone other than me makes my stomach churn and I know for a fact I could never look at her the same way. It may hurt to end the relationship at the time, but my feelings and pride mean more to me than a few months of heartbreak.

But what if you were aware that a woman had cheated on someone else (as in not you) in the past. Say, 1 time several years ago. Would you think twice about getting involved with her?

I'm not sure what your situation is though. Care to share?

Would you trust her if she said she never cheated in the past? Or if the topic never got discussed in general?

Just because a person doesn't admit a behavior doesn't mean they're denying it.

I think people make mistakes and can learn from them.

I also know I'll never sleep with a married woman that isn't my wife.
If Brideowanian ever cheated on me, that would be the end of it. No trust, no relationship.
That said...I know a lot of people who are able to repair those things. Just don't think I could.

I also know that were I single, I'd never partner up with someone who was in a relationship when I found them. Are they going to leave me for the first guy with a bigger bank account? It's also a good way to get your ass beaten or killed.

I don't need that kind of shit in my life.

It would be interesting to see the results if this were an anonymous poll.

Well if I met a woman and had no knowledge of her past then I guess i would have to trust her.

I'm a thread making n00b but under thread tools it says I could make a poll... I'll check it out.

Perhaps that's a positive that she came right out and said something.. It hints that the might feel remorse for stepping out on someone and doesn't want to repeat her "mistakes".

I think alot goes into this. If you are in a terrible marriage, and you are just biding time to get the **** out for financial or legal reasons, and you cheat? I think you can change. If you cheat just because you can't turn down strange, then you will cheat regardless of if you are happily married or not. I think cheating can be like a drug addiction. Some people can have a few beers and go home, others just keep going until they are ****ed up.

There you go. That's certainly something I'd have to take into account..

I agree.

I do think that some people are just dogs. Despite "settling down" in a relationship with an official title, they really have no desire to be monogamous.

On the other hand, I don't think everyone that cheats is 100% like that.

Maybe they're missing an emotional connection and trying to find it anyway they can. Maybe they're missing that physical side of the relationship that some people don't like to admit is as important as it is. Maybe they're just pissed off like Durtyrute was..

I understand you can't really generalize human emotion like this. I was just trying to get your own opinions from your personal experiences.

You got to know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to RUN

I didn't cheat cause I was pissed. Even though I was pissed cause she wouldn't suck it more, even though she said she would if I shaved my gonads, (that lying ass bitch face) that's not why I cheated. I cheated because my first love, even though she cheated on me six years earlier, wanted to get down durty style, so we did.

With all of that being said, people can and do change. That "once a cheater, always a cheater" bullshit is well, bullshit.

I think most relationships are ****ed up to begin with. You either learn to communicate about your needs and work through those or you cheat or you forever resent the fact that you are at the point you are at.

Also, is the person who the person cheated with a bad person? Even if they knew the cheater was in a relationship but they weren't?

Would you feel bad if Brad Pitt rode you hard all night and sent you home wet?

Good question. Should I feel bad for enabling him to cheat, or should the feeling of guilt be on him? If the cheater shows no remorse, should the third party hold any blame?

Everybody is different. That goes for everything from relationships to grocery shopping. You can't label anyone in todays unique world.

people can and do change

As people age their perspective changes


I don't expect someone to change in a month or even a year but as the years go by they change.

well, if you go to the press you're going to get a lot of money, and you should never feel bad about a lot of money

PS. I probably would not consider entering into a relationship with someone who cheats with me. Sex is one thing, but I will not tie myself to that person emotionally.

So you have not problem sleeping with a cheater, got it. Well, there you go.

If he is cheating with you he will cheat ON you.


sex and fun otherwise just move on

I think how are attractive each partner in the relationship is factors in pretty big time too.

I've been there before.

She'd answer his call while butt naked laying in my bed. Tell her she loved him then 5 minutes later we'd be having sex...

I was 18 or so then though so I didn't even care.

Looking back on it I feel pretty bad because i dont think he ever found out. I saw first-hand how easy it was to cheat... You never really know these days..

I think you are what you are. People can change, but generally they don't.

My ex cheated on me. After I found out, we separated, then got back together, but after that, I no longer gave a shit and cheated on her. During this whole time I was in the service and we were separated, so it was easy enough for both of us. As is the case with most military marriages, it was doomed from the start, anyway.

Very happy with my current wife. Have never cheated, have never been tempted to cheat. At this point, I've got that Al Bundy philosophy about women anyway - one's enough of a pain in the ass, I certainly don't need two. :D

People might change down the road, but once they've cheated on one person, they will continue to cheat on that person as long as they are allowed to get away with it. Most likely that person will continue to cheat in other future relationships but may change and stay monogamous with someone else. But once a cheat, always a cheat is overwhelmingly true.

If I wanted some strange, I wouldn't have gotten married. Marriage isn't for everybody. Hopefully one finds this out before marrying. Otherwise, the consequences rarely end well.

I guess I should add that had my ex and I actually been physically together during our marriage instead of separated for months at a time, things would probably have been different. I don't think we would have stayed together (married way too young), but I also don't think I could be enough of a ****ing snake to have an affair with somebody while she was around - hotel rendezvous, lying about working late, etc.

Upon further review I had no business posting here earlier. This year I got drunk and messed around with some other dude's fiancée. Granted I knew exactly what I was doing with the girl at the time but the next morning I felt like the despicable piece of garbage that I was for doing something i swore I'd never do.

Zebra's can't change their stripes...

That's pretty rough but people make mistakes..

Did/do you feel obligated to tell the fiance?

Agree I've been single for a decade now and really not sure that will ever change to a marriage again. A SO yes but life is way too good after hanging out with my married friends. They all tell me I'm living the dream.

My ex is a whore




















Too much?















But, yeah some people just can't be with just one person

What about if you're dating someone young, know you will not marry them, and cheat? If that's the case, maybe a cheater isn't always a cheater.

Personally I could never condone cheating. If you feel the urge to go out and bag and tag some strange puss then just DON'T be in a committed relationship.

..But that is what comforts me knowing that I was once "the other guy". We were young and in the grand scheme of things, those relationships don't really mean a whole lot.

**** no. The realization of how big the guy was / able he was to beat the living **** out of me sparked a panic attack I rightfully deserved.

I guess the silver lining is they wound up breaking off their engagement, but still. I broke my own code and am a shitty person for doing so.

So cheating extends to emotional cheating as well right? Not just physical or does OP just mean physical?

I agree. It is very difficult to live a life when you've just been killed.

We don't hang out much but I agree you're living the dream roughly 4 days a year or so. The other 361 days I'm living the dream. Unless you have 4 or 5 regular chicks who love you unconditionally and are willing to bear your children and still love you for all your stupid faults, I think I win. But you likely prioritize differently so, whatever. It takes all kinds. I don't dislike gay people, Dave.

No such thing on Vbulletin

This one isn't anonymous?

All the mods can see who voted if they want to so no...

Really? I don't believe that. Think it’s more a matter of people honoring their marriage, not a matter of whether you would like some strange. Attraction isn’t a choice. If you are not feeling that when you see a smoking hot babe then you have a very low sex drive.

The only reason to get married is to have a kid, period.

I'll tell you what...I'll bang your girl, and then you can see if she bangs other dudes later on. Just say the word, and I'm willing...for science.

Sure! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to doing whatever I want whenever I want.

In my youth, I was a cheater. No longer. IF I ever make the vow...I will honor it and her. People do change....it's called growing up. But I don't expect this to be the norm. When I was young, I had a good outside and a bad inside. Now I have a good inside and bad outside!!!

You chose to build a second family and god bless you you seem to be happier than any other time I have known you. That is a decision I would never make however. IF my marriage didn't work for any reason I would never get married again as I wouldn't rebuild. I am putting everything into this one kid and that's it for me. On that note our marriage is very successful and seems to just get better with time which is more than I can say for just about any of the marriages around us. Codependency seems to be everywhere. I have no interest in living out my days in that enviroment.

So did this good inside come about with the lack of options your bad outside was providing? LMAO

ROFL Actually, my good outside is returning...coupled with a good inside...I COULD be considered quite a catch!!

I think it depends on circumstances.

If you're married....once a cheater ..always a cheater.

If you're just dating....well then I don't think that really counts.

If, say, it were my wife of 25 years, and we've had zero issues throughout the course of the ; and it happened in a drunken state etc. and she was desperately remorseful in her actions, it would be really hard for me not to forgive her.

So would you ask for your 1 time hall pass?

BTW, 25 years of marriage with zero issues is impossible. You know that right?

FYP

we've already talked; we both have a 1 time get out of jail free card if certain scenarios come up.; Hers is if David Beckham ever wants to tknock the bottom out of her, I told her have fun.

mine varies. lol. My current one is Emma Stone.

zero issue in terms of the relationship almost being derailed etc.
my wife and I lieterally have about 2 fights a year. for realz.

No, I believe that. We have what I call our annual and to tell you the truth it isn't all that. I think women just feel the need to test you once or twice a year for whatever reason.

I concur

Celebrated 20 years on wednesday...never would've happened if either on of us had cheated...we made that agreement before we tied the knot.

I'm crazy about my wife.

Depends.

I cheated on every G/F I ever had until my wife...

Congrats! You're two weeks ahead of me and Mrs. Coogs. 20 years on the 19th! Can't believe she has put up with me that long. And no, I have never strayed. Her... not so sure. My youngest son is very athletic... so I suspect the Schwan's man may be involved. :D

No. Way. The 12th? That’s Mrs. Radar and my anniversary also, 14 years.

By emotional cheating do you mean late night phone calls and risque text messages that never actually lead to physical intimacy?

Discuss whatever you guys feel is cheating and whether or not you feel someone that cheats can change.

Looking at the poll it seems a majority feel they could never trust someone that cheated...

And congrats to you guys for your lasting marriages. Not so many of those these days.

Before I read the OP I figured you were talking about the HC of the Patriots. All things considered, I'm sure he has not changed his stripes.

I'm totally fine with guys cheating. I wouldn't disrespect a buddy if he cheated, and would never tell. Women who cheat, on the other hand, are filthy whores and have no respect for. If I know a girl cheats I will tell on her to everyone. I know it isn't logical, but something about nature and the way we perceive genders in our society have left me with this mindset.

Until someone finds the right person they are not going to be loyal.